Up Your Alley

First of all. If you do not like real low budget movies then skip this one.

Are you offended by seeing breasts then this movie will make you boil. you will see more breasts in this movie than in most movies I have seen. But again there are no real sexual situation. you will find that much more detailed in many conventional movies.

I had no idea why this movie had entered my movie list, and in the start I did initially not like it a lot. But it had some bizarre attraction. I did plan to turn it off. Then somehow after I guess 10 minutes I got a bit intrigued anyway and decided to continue.

Is the story great? No - But I have seen award winning movies with less story. There is not really so much focus on the smugling part even though the movie evolves around it.

Is there any character development? Nope.

In the start I did find this movie 0% funny. But later in the movie there was some bizarre situations where I just could not help smiling or laughing. maybe because it was funny or maybe because I was baffled by how any writer could get to that end line.

Would I recommend it? For most people absolutely no. Do you enjoy weird low budget movies and don't mind a few breasts and bizarre humor then give it a try if it pops up on a television near you.

OK, so the acting is hardly up for Oscar nomination, and this film does seem to have become lost in the mists of time. However, the early appearance of Uschi Digard as the nurse in Seymour's (the main character around which the film revolves) fantasy is a sight for sore eyes. I can still remember the sharp intakes of breath in a local cinema where I first saw this film (under the title "Sex or Bust"), as Uschi, having buried Seymour's face in her magnificent big bosoms, retracts them for all to see. She does this two or three times, to one's undying pleasure.

Uschi is far and away the bustiest girl in the film, which involves Seymour becoming involved in a Sicilian diamond heist, taking over as the Godfather figure who dies of a sudden heart attack. Up till that point, he had worked for seven years in a dead-end job in the catering industry, as a mail clerk! The busty Haji (of Faster Pussycat, Kill, Kill!), known as Maria Manina, is the central character behind the plot to seize the diamonds. She takes Seymour under her wing because she loved the way he looked after everyone at a special party/orgy thrown by her and she uses him for her intention to get her hands on the valuable diamonds that she is planning to seize. She also makes sure that Seymour loses his virginity so that he can attend to two young virgins (!) provided for his pleasure by the Mafia Gang, who are unaware that the actual Godfather figure is dead - one of the virgins being Uschi!! It all turns out happily in the end, and Seymour and Maria ride off into the sunset on a stolen motorscooter.

This is a completely mad film, but enjoyable in a crazy kind of way, and especially if you like big bosoms. Have fun!!