Merlin e a Loja de Artigos Místicos

This "movie" seems to be little more than several different movies patched together. And in a sense, it is. Things start out with some old lady at an ouiji board whose house catches fire. Then after about six minutes, it turns out this is just some TV show some kid is watching while his grandfather (Ernest Borgnine in what may be the lowest point of his career since "The Devil's Rain") sits on a couch nearby. When the power in the house goes out Grandpa Borgnine proceeds to tell the kid some fractured and disturbing story loosely connected to Merlin the Magician, who has transported himself to the present day and opened a shop. Despite being the title character, Merlin does little in the movie except release evil artifacts into the world and collect them later while getting nagged by his irritating wife (If that's what she is. Their relationship is never really made clear in the movie).

The first part of this fractured story involves a cranky newspaper reviewer who is unimpressed with Merlin's shop and threatens Merlin with a most vicious review. Merlin retaliates by giving him a book of spells which turns the obnoxious reviewer into an old man and then a baby. Merlin's revenge, I guess.

The second tale involves an evil toy monkey who gets stolen from Merlin's shop and ends up being bought by a family from the early 1980's. The monkey has the ability to cause untold damage and evil by clapping the little cymbals in its hands. This segment was actually a 20 minute excerpt from a movie from 1984 called "The Devil's Gift" which was then clumsily inserted into this film. This is why this particular tale has no setup or conclusion, making the movie even more confusing than it already was. "The Devil's Gift" is apparently out of print and hopefully they won't use the MST3K exposure as an excuse to reissue it.

Along the way, a goldfish dies, a cat is burned alive, a trapped dog dies after inhaling toxic smoke from a fire set in the garage and a woman has a rather frank conversation with her friend about her fertilization problems which has left her unable for her and her cranky husband to have a baby. And this is supposed to be a kid's film! This is either the darkest kids film ever or the most ineffective horror film ever. If you really want to give the kids nightmares, show them this movie before sending them to bed.

This movie will most likely be remembered as the "lost" episode of MST3K. The airing of this particular episode was delayed five months because of rights problems with the movie. After watching this movie, I have to wonder why any sane person would actually want the rights to this stinkburger in the first place! Just another painful reminder of how much we'll miss MST3K.

Films don't get any cheaper than this stitched together piece of padding, in which retired screenwriter/grandpa Ernest Borgnine relates "sweet" bedtime stories about the legendary Merlin (Yes, that Merlin. Merlin probably changed management after doing this movie) to his world-weary, seven year old grandson. Grandpa Borgnine's sweet, folksy, suitable for children tales are chock full of horrible death, crying children, murdered house pets, and abusive husbands, plus a fun cameo by Satan himself!

The makers of this film probably didn't realize that their kiddy movie wasn't kid-like at all- because the bulk of the "stories" are footage from some other mid-to-late seventies movie about a killer monkey toy. Despite all the ugliness in these segments, there is a charming moment where a young boy happily sings "Rock and Roll Martian" to the stuffed monkey. This is probably the best scene in the whole, feature length movie.

The other story segment, the one with the bickering, self-hating couple who can't conceive (kids love those kinds of stories!) has all the style and substance of an episode of "Monsters".

This movie is filled to the brim by horrible acting, atrocious dialog, and some of the most laughable editing since Ed Wood's legendary day/night/day scenes.

So don't hesitate to watch this movie.... if it comes on the late, great Mystery Science Theater 3000. Otherwise, you've been warned! ROCK AND ROLL MARTIAN!!

This 'movie' is kind of two stories brought together by Ernest Borgnine telling his grandson a story. Basically, the film has an older film called, "The Devil's Gift" fused with newer scenes and is presented as a movie. The "Devil's Gift" portions of the film are at the very beginning of the movie as the film Borgnine's grandson is watching is from that film and the last portion of the film featuring the very early 80's household dealing with the cymbal thumping monkey toy which has me wondering if they took said story from a short story done by Stephen King that can be found within the short story collection, "Skeleton Crew" as both stories feature the same premise of an evil monkey toy. The rest of the film has Borgnine telling his grandson the story of some failed television show he once tried to write featuring Merlin, but the film just does not work at all for several reasons. First and foremost is the fact the Merlin shop thing just did not work. Both stories are more horror oriented than fantasy as both stories feature Satanic type vibes to them. Then there is the not so seamless blending of two different era films as the portions of the film featuring Merlin look vastly different to the one featuring the monkey toy. Just a huge mess, to be sure.

The story has the power going out in a house where a young boy watches the story of a woman using a Ouija board to contact a spirit from the other side. The boy's grandfather then proceeds to tell the child about Merlin and his mystical shop of wonders. We then enter Merlin's world where the first plot is that of an infertile couple where the husband writes reviews that have the ability shut stores like Merlin's down! Merlin gives him his spell book and the guy proceeds to get wrapped up in spells to summon demons and such while the wife plays with kangaroo toys because she so wants a baby. Then the story has Merlin's being robbed as the robber picks a cymbal banging toy monkey and seems fascinated by this very mundane toy in a shop full of numerous bizarre things. Well the toy ends up being given to a boy in the early 80's and it possesses the power to kill whenever it bangs its cymbals together. Merlin must track down the monkey, but it isn't going to be easy as he goes out in robe and beard asking women if they have seen his monkey. If that is not enough to make it difficult, he also has to contend with the fact the toy is in another era!

This 'movie' was featured as an episode of Mystery Science Theater 3000 and is the final new episode of the show that was presented of the Scifi channel. It was not technically the last episode as that was the one featuring Diabolic; however, do to some issues regarding the copyright this film would not debut till after the show's actual end. It was a great episode as there is a lot in it to riff. The strange fact the film seems like it wants to be whimsical, but is kind of dark and the fact that the portion of the film featuring the monkey is extremely dated are just two of the reasons this episode was very funny.

So, the film as presented here is rather bad. I would like to one day watch the movie, "The Devil's Gift" as I think that one might be interesting without the constant interruptions of a dude in a beard going around asking about his monkey. Granted, I do not think it is going to be a good film either, but the whole Merlin thing in this one was just a bit idiotic. One expects knights, swords and some magic when one hears Merlin's name. Here we get demons, satanic cats, killer monkeys and the like. It is less like Merlin and more like an episode of that old television show of the 80's, "Friday the 13th" where the show was about this group that had to retrieve cursed items, only that show was a heck of a lot better than this mess.

This is a truly magical episode of MST3K. Though the movie itself is stupid beyond telling, the episode is arguable the most funny I`ve ever seen. My dad thinks it is anyhow. From the opening lines thrown out by Mike and the `Bots ("Let`s predict some crap" "I forsee I`m gonna get hammered" "Is there a cheaper vodka than Popov?" "The ants have been screwing with her like that for years") to the part when Jonathan confronts Merlin ("I bid you lick me") to when Jonathan fights his cat ("So the cat`s flesh was roasted" "No Grandpa, no!" "Sit down, you`re gonna listen- The cat`s flesh melted, the horrible screams!" "No grandpa!" "Heh heh") to the cheesy 80s part ("Yep, that first morning beer is always the best!") and the priceless finishing line, which is so memorable that it begs full transcription. Contrary to what some of these commentators have said here (and I`m not blaming them), Crow, not Servo, says "Remember to believe in magic...Or I`ll kill you." This episode truly made me believe in magic.

"Merlin's Shop of Mystical Wonders" is too dark to be a children's movie and too cute to be a horror flick. Which makes it perfect "Mystery Science Theater 3000" fodder! An incompetent mixture of "Poltergeist" and any wizard movie, it makes one wonder how they got a great actor like Ernest Borgnine on board. Although the movie has 1996 as its date, a large portion of it looks as though it was filmed at least ten years earlier (a very corny '80s look).

As for the "MST3K" version, jokes naturally abound. I don't remember which jeers came from Mike, Servo or Crow, but someone notes that Merlin probably shouldn't ask women if they've seen his monkey! And when the ground starts caving in, one of them declares that Bugs Bunny must have missed that left turn at Albuquerque! Among the famous people who get mentioned are Tom Bosley, Madeline Albright, Bella Abzug and Linda Blair. So just stick with the "MST3K" version and you'll be fine.

Yeah, she did look kinda like Julie Hagerty.