O Relojoeiro

Wow, what a bizarre film from Full Moon Studios' label for family entertainment 'Pulse Pounders'. Writer Carr (actually Hollywood guy Neal Marshall Stevens of Thirteen Ghosts 'fame') has been involved in a number of Full Moon flicks including the enjoyable 'Stitches' and 'Sideshow' but generally his fare has been substandard. Here three annoying children, Mary Beth, Henry and Devon are sucked in to a weird world populated by strict men in suits and others wearing strange chemical jackets and face masks. They run around, getting separated and meeting up again many times and eventually get rescued by the Clockmaker whose shop they had broken in to when the trouble started and who it turns out is actually the obese child grown up. Confusing? Indeed. Dull, lifeless and utterly ridiculous this film never rises above poor.

Found this on Amazon Prime and sat down to watch it with the kids. They gave up before it was half way through. A combination of cheap special effects, low production values, attrocious acting (mostly from the adult cast) and a convoluted yet boring plot make this one of the worst family films ever. Amazon seem to have a large collection of this sort of thing in their vaults. Where do they find them and why do they bother looking??? Do your kids a favour and give this a big miss.

Three slum kids snoop in apartment of eccentric clockmaker neighbor and manage to screw up the space-time continuum, so they have to go back in time to 19th century and set things right. Basic premise, that a computer manual accidentally lost in 1880 would lead to a premature electronic revolution and the triumph of fascism, seems more than slightly far-fetched. (If you lost a pocket calculator among a group of Neandertals, would they invent double-entry bookkeeping?) Filmed in Bucharest, with North American leads. Heroine Katie Johnston looks about 15 but quite mature to be hanging around with the two 12-ish boys, but will certainly give younger male SF fans something to check out. Written by frequent Full Moon scripter Benjamin Carr.

A whiz kid's friend mysteriously goes missing in eccentric Mr. Markham's apartment, which is filled with clock-like mechanisms. He and an older female friend are compelled to go back to the Victorian era to find him and fix a disruption in the time continuum. Will any of them make it back alive?

"Clockmaker" (1998) was later released to DVD as "Timekeeper." Shot at a studio in Bucharest, Romania, with American leads, it's a combination of "Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory" and "The Goonies" mixed with the time-travel elements and low production values of Star Trek episodes "The City on the Edge of Forever" and "Time's Arrow" (the latter a 2-part TNG story). It's similar in spirit to "Honey, I Shrunk the Kids."

In the mayhem of the second half, the kids' dialogue is a little hard to hear, so I suggest using the subtitles (I have no idea why it wasn't turned up in the final mix). In any case, this is an entertaining enough flick if you don't demand the blockbuster standards of "Willy Wonka," "The Goonies" and "Honey, I Shrunk the Kids." A lot of imagination was used in the colorful sets and concepts despite the low budget.

One of the highlights is winsome Katie Johnston as petite blonde Mary Beth Grace. She's obviously a couple years older than the two boys, which is reminiscent of the protagonists in "The Goonies," "Honey, I Shrunk the Kids" and "In Search of the Castaways." This caused someone to question their friendship, but the answer is simple: They're kids from the same apartment building, but she's not exactly best friends with the boys, which is clear at the outset.

Despite the lack of blockbuster funds, I'd watch this any day over the lousy "In Search of the Castaways."

It runs 1 hour, 22 minutes.

GRADE: B-/C+

Clockmaker. More like Crapmaker.

This is TRULY awful. I'm all for undemanding fun for kids and adults alike but please, this would insult the intelligence of a two year old.

Low production budgets, fine. Brain dead script not fine.

There is so much wrong with this film that it's impossible to point out individual flaws.

But if I have to then why if computers were invented years early does everything look so bloody awful, they obviously didn't have any CAD programs.

Also a computer manual doesn't tell you how to make micro chips or capacitors etc etc.

Give a chimp a pocket watch and he won't go on to invent an i-pod. Complete crap.

Do not spend anytime watching this dreck.

You have been warned...