Crash! Che botte... strippo strappo stroppio

It opens with a helicopter view of the Central region of Hong Kong 1974. I love shots like that! On a dock a fight starts and two guys are taken prisoner. Cut to a bunch of old white guys in suits in a conference room discuss the plot. Cut again to another guy getting married. Instead, he is ordered to Bangkok. The tour of Bangkok is by taxi, boat, and then on foot.

At about the 24 minute mark Lo Lieh enters to spar. The part where he fights Robert Malcolm tried to be funny and could have been really funny but I didn't think it was funny at all. Comedy can be subjective so I try to avoid too much focus on that in my reviews. Plus, Chinese "nonsense movies" are an acquired taste. Personally, I didn't laugh at all watching the movie.

I just learned there was an entire series of "Three Supermen" movies that began in 1970. I looked them up and I will not be watching any of them. Not my "cuppa tea".

My copy is a digital file that plays on a HDTV as wide screen with English dialog. The video is excellent quality particularly when compared to the VHS multigeneration copies that are all that is left of many 1970s movies.

Guns were around during the time of the movie so magic bullet proof super hero costumes were invented so they could fight and not be shot dead. The fights never surpassed the basic choreography seen in a typical 1960s Hollywood western.

I rate it below average and do not recommend to anyone for any reason.

Agent Robert Wallace (Robert Malcolm) is assigned by his chief Colonnello Roger (Alberto Farnese) to bust a gang of drug trafficker's and to free some agents who have been kidnapped . First he travels Bangkok where contacts a spy and sees Thai boxing . Later on, he travels to Hong Kong where he finds help from Suzy, as well as his colleagues Supermen Max (Antonio Cantafora) & Jerry (Sal Borgese) . And MasterTang (Lieh Lo) who is really lieutenant Tang of the anti-narcotics Brigade and he teaches them the fabulous martial arts . Robert meets the USA ambassador (Jacques Dufilho) during Nixon era , and he gives him the fantastic suits anti-bullets , but the three supermen steal his safe to take amount of money . After that , they travel Taiwán and Jerry dressed in woman dress , to confront the dangerous band .

Fantasy , action martial arts : Judo , including expert stunts as Biao Yuen , Mars , Tony Leung and Jackie Chan himself. It is and light , plain and action comedy that joins again The 3 Superman against nasty enemies . Noisy action, Hong kong chop-socky movie including the regular ingredients as shootouts , fights with bounds and leaps , and lot of humor with tongue in cheek .There are several brawls and fighting , including punches , slaps and Kickass , but with no blood , neither violence , but hilarious confrontation. The flick contains silly incidents , fun plot twists , tongue-in-cheek , grotesque situations and above all , it especially contains catching touches of humor and irony . This film belongs to a series as : ¨3 supermen del West¨ by Italo Martinenghi , ¨3 Supermen Against Godfather¨ by Italo Martinenghi , ¨Three Supermen in the Jungle¨ by Bitto Albertini , and others mostly produced and directed by Bitto Albertini and as secondary appears Sal Borgese as a likeable deaf-mute who usually imitates to Harpo Marx .

The motion picture was well produced by the famous producers ¨Shaw Brothers¨from Hong Kong and regularly directed by Bitto Albertini . He was born on July 14, 1924 in Turin, Piedmont, Italy as Adalberto Albertini and wrote and directed or photographed a lot of films of all kinds of genres . He was a cinematographer and writer, known for Zambo, rey de la jungla (1972), Supercolpo da 7 miliardi (1967) and Hong-Kong, 3 Supermen, desafío al Kung/Fu (1973) , Emanuelle negra (1975) , Devil war (1969) , Leopard of Sarawak (1964) , Revenge of Sandokan (64) , Goldface (1967) . He died on February 22, 1999 in Zagarolo, Lazio, Italy.

While it seems most of Hong Kong's talent were jetting around the world in a fit of co-production mania, director Bitto Albertini took his Italian crew on holidays to the Orient and resumed his successful Three Fantastic Supermen series with a new set of costumed heroes plus Shaw Brothers superstar Lo Lieh and rising star Shih Szu.

Hopeless FBI agent Captain Robert Wallace (Robert Malcolm) is called away from his marriage ceremony (`I'll send you a postcard!') and sent to Bangkok to investigate the disappearance of six American expatriates. After innumerable travelogue scenes showing the beauty of Thailand in springtime, a mysterious woman in a cocktail dress (Shih Szu) follows Wallace to a Thai martial arts match and tells him to find the kung fu master Tang. Convinced he has enough Siamese scenes in the can, Bitto takes the next plane to Hong Kong where Wallace fronts the US ambassador, played by French comedian Jacques Dufilho as a strange creature obsessed with Richard Nixon (he even has a framed portrait in his executive bathroom) and his own failing bowels: `Kung fu's like a laxative... it all comes from the inside!'. The ambassador hints at a secret weapon - all he will say is it has something to do with longjohns.

Still in the pursuit of Tang, Wallace heads to the local kung fu match where he meets two old thieving acquaintances from Italy, Max (Antonio Cantafora) and Jerry (Sal Borgese, the only cast member from the series). Wallace unwittingly ends up in the ring with the champion (Lo Lieh) while the mute Jerry, known as "Monkey Face", makes sympathetic grimaces and whooping noises. Wallace gets his arse kicked in the ring (no pun intended), it turns out, by none other than Master Tang. That's Lieutenant Tang of the narcotics squad, on the trail of superbaddy Chen Loh (Tung Lin)and his army of black-clad goons, who Wallace also suspects are behind the kidnapping. Tang and the mysterious woman (who turns out be Tang's girlfriend) give all three wide-eyes a crash course in kung fu, while Wallace picks up the elusive longjohns, and the Fantastic Super Five head to Taiwan for an extended showdown with the low-down Loh. Once the red body suits and head masks are on, making them impervious to all weapons, they tear through a market like a pajama whirlwind, at one point bouncing up and down in slow motion while Loh's goons empty countless rounds into them.

`Crash, Che Botte!' is technically superior to most of Albertini's action comedies, which is hardly surprising considering his Italian crew were in the spiritual homeland of silly actioners. Bitto quickly learns the patented Shaw Brothers crash zoom and uses it with as much subtlety as Quentin did in Kill Bill Volume 2; to be fair, other shots actually add to the action with some effective victim-cam and slow motion you don't often see in chop sockeys. And utilizing the local talent (Jackie Chan, still two years away from starring roles, appears in a blink-and-you'll-miss role as a stuntman), Bitto at times makes the break from knockaround comedy to bona fide action scenes. While Lo Lieh is slicing through a scene with Shaw Brothers precision, the whitebread superheroes are taking on the baddies Terence Hill style, and yet there is no real culture clash - slaparound films are like a bowl of noodles, tasty with either soy or spaghetti sauce. Bitto still can't help littering his script with more risqué than usual innuendoes, poo poo jokes, poorly-conceived topical references (Max to Tang: `So, you're the Last Tang in Hong Kong?') and the ever present cultural insensitivity (peasant to a Wallace in his bad Oriental disguise: `If you're Chinese, I'm Little Led Liding Hood!').

The credits finish with a reprise of `Crash, Che Botte!', easily the most demented theme song ever, Euro B-film or otherwise. The Nico Fidenco tune is recycled endlessly through the film in almost every conceivable musical genre, even played on a violin by the flatulent US ambassador whilst seated on his porcelain throne! Sung almost in English, you never quite know if the first line's `Call me Ping Pong, I'm the boss from Hong Kong' or `Playing ping pong on the bus in Hong Kong...' There's no doubt over the second verse: `I smack 'em, I whack 'em, I scratch 'em, I pack 'em, I cream 'em, I ream 'em, and then I redeem 'em... I dash 'em, I smash 'em, I grind 'em, I thrash 'em, I pound 'em, I ground 'em, and then I surround 'em.' Incredible - 100 minutes of plot distilled into four lines of infantile Euro-alliteration. Bravo.

This mix between Kung Fu and James Bond is very funny in a childish, unpretentious way. Actor Sal Borgese (the mute thief in the story) told me he did many more action scenes with the martial Arts director Cheng Yuanlong (later the legendary Jackie Chan), but they cut alot of material at the montage. If you are fans of old HK cinema you can have a good fun in recognizing many faces: Lo Lieh and Tung Lam were respectively the hero and a badguy in Invincible Boxer aka King Boxer aka Five fingers of death; Actress Shi Szu was an Opera performer promoted as the new Cheng Pei Pei (Pei Pei was the foremost martial actress in the 60's); Shi Szu didn't succeed so much but was a solid performer. Blink and you miss Yuen Biao as an henchmen. The tournament scene where Borgese and Cantafora brag in front of the public that Borgese can defeat Kung-Fu champion Lo Lieh, and then suddenly the two grab Robert Malcolm and throw him on the ring, with the result that the poor Malcolm is badly beaten instead of Borgese, is a riot!