The Gardener

A friend of mine bought this film on DVD because he wanted to see Malcolm McDowell in it. After watching it, and consequently spending several weeks in therapy, he somehow convinced me to do the same.

You have to understand, this film is diabolical on almost every conceivable level. There is simply no redeeming feature to it. The script, premise, acting, direction, sets, costumes, stunts, score and special effects are all excruciatingly insufferable, but it doesn't even stop there.

It is the *only* film I can think of where I can stand up and say "Yes, even the props are awful." In that respect, I am referring to the typical example of a random DEA Officer - little more than an extra - who, for some unknown reason, brandishes a pistol that is so enormous, one would normally expect to find it on the deck of the Bismarck.

In this way, an inconceivable absurdity permeates every facet of this motion picture. The US Government would not be unreasonable to establish a special agency tasked with keeping James D.R. Hickox (director), Joseph Gunn (writer) and Angie Everhart (`actress') away from movie studios from now until the end of time.

Frankly, I would happily welcome a visit from the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, rather than watch this film again. When compared to suffering The Gardener in all its nightmarish glory, passing a dozen kidney stones would be considered a joyous and uplifting experience.

Although I'm sorry to have seen this film in the first place, my wife came home with it, she loves Richard Grieco. Yeah, he's good looking. So am I.

Anyway, we've seen this almost funny piece of experiment that could have been a film if it was better written and especially filmed! It was too dark! I hate dark films. I've spend more then 500$ on my Philips television, it's a very good one so it had to be the film. That was my first and worst frustration.

But it was also too obvious. And at the end, ... leave that stupid plastic on Kelly's naked body: come on! When you're running for your life, you don't care if you're bare naked!!! (I wouldn't)

Stupid film, and I'm kind of ashamed to have watched it.

The miscasting is almost fatal (Richard Grieco as a police commissioner??? Whose bright idea was that?), and the storyline is painfully obvious (we are forever waiting for the thickheaded heroine to figure out what is in clear view). Those two factors alone make the movie a waste of time (and a warning to Angie Everhart fanatics: don't come here looking for nudity). Even if you happen to catch this on TV, viewing it will offer you nothing; renting is simply out of the question. (*1/2)

This is unmistakably the worst movie I have ever had to endure watching. This movie was bad all around. The director clearly thinks that a moving camera is what makes a film great. Unfortunately the constant moving only helps the existing nausea. The DP was real bad, no other way to put it. "Day for night" shots were poorly matched to day shots and so on. I don't know what that other person was talking about regarding Angie Everheart. She is a terribly bad, bad, actor. It's no suprise this movie has no distribution after a whole year. If I were a distributer I would run as far away from this "film" as possible!

Oh please…this film really mocks the intelligence of its audience. It's a complete pile of garbage and a giant waste of time. Not one little aspect in this film makes the slightest bit of sense, the acting and directing are abominable and – which is the worst thing – it takes itself far too serious. I wanted to give it a change, because I always liked watching Malcolm McDowall. Ever since `A Clockwork Orange', I liked his vicious style and macabre personality. I hope he had fun while shooting this film, because the rest of the world sure didn't. Malcolm plays a genius florist who uses kills young, beautiful women to turn them into plants! He's on a mission from God to recreate women. Ha ha ha… It's all in the fertilizer, let's say… Angie Everheart is the yummy female police officer who's after him…The whole thing becomes even more stupid when McDowall seems to suffer from a disease that makes him look older than he is (we're led to believe that is character is only 35 years old) and that he had a traumatic childhood and depressing collage years. Not only does the story STINKS, Garden of Evil also suffers from the worst casting job in the history of cinema! Richard `Booker' Grieco as the angry, boisterous police-lieutenant?!? What fertile (?) mind came up with that? Grieco looks utterly ridiculous and his voice sounds like a cheap Bruce Willis imitation. As always, Angie Everheart is gorgeous to look at, but that doesn't necessarily means she has got the required acting skills. Few blood, no comedy, not even an attempt to build up tension…. All we receive are pointless and endless speeches about Mother Nature and the beauty of flowers. `Garden of Evil' (or The Gardener, as IMDb likes to call it) surely is one of the worst films I ever saw. I should have known…it's from the hand of the Hickox-clan. The director's brother Anthony once messed up the Hellraiser-franchise with Hell on Earth. Now he has a tiny role in his brother's piece of junk. Avoid it, people…I'm doing you a favor!