The Gardener

I got this flick at big lots for two dollars. and after watching it, i fell as if they owe me twenty. This movie is like a study in bad acting, scriptwriting, acting and sets. First off the casting was atrocious. Grieco looks as if he doesn't belong within 500 feet of this movie, playing the lieutenant, a role that seems to have been written for a much older actor. Everheart has no range, no emotion and is as stiff as richard simmons staring at stone phillips. malcolm mcdowall, well he looks as if he has to keep repeating in his head, "i'm being paid for this, i'm being paid for this." Poor malcolm, he has so much talent and spends all of is time in awful movie after awful movie. the dialoge seems as if it was written by a group of spider monkeys on payotee, lines seem to be thrown in grabastically without rhyme or reason. the worst thing though, has to be the directing, actually the complete lack of direction, Greico's character stays angry through the entire flick because he's not sure about the point of the character. Everheart is pointless, and francis ford coppala couldn't drag a decent performance out of her. there is a complete lack of connected storyline, and because of that, the bad acting is all the more evident. there is really nothing i can say that can relate the awfullness of this movie. i'm afraid that to understand you will actually have to watch this poor excuse for a film. i almost forgot about the cheaply done and completely out of the blue cgi effects. i apoligize, the movie has fried my brains.

A friend of mine bought this film on DVD because he wanted to see Malcolm McDowell in it. After watching it, and consequently spending several weeks in therapy, he somehow convinced me to do the same.

You have to understand, this film is diabolical on almost every conceivable level. There is simply no redeeming feature to it. The script, premise, acting, direction, sets, costumes, stunts, score and special effects are all excruciatingly insufferable, but it doesn't even stop there.

It is the *only* film I can think of where I can stand up and say "Yes, even the props are awful." In that respect, I am referring to the typical example of a random DEA Officer - little more than an extra - who, for some unknown reason, brandishes a pistol that is so enormous, one would normally expect to find it on the deck of the Bismarck.

In this way, an inconceivable absurdity permeates every facet of this motion picture. The US Government would not be unreasonable to establish a special agency tasked with keeping James D.R. Hickox (director), Joseph Gunn (writer) and Angie Everhart (`actress') away from movie studios from now until the end of time.

Frankly, I would happily welcome a visit from the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, rather than watch this film again. When compared to suffering The Gardener in all its nightmarish glory, passing a dozen kidney stones would be considered a joyous and uplifting experience.

This is unmistakably the worst movie I have ever had to endure watching. This movie was bad all around. The director clearly thinks that a moving camera is what makes a film great. Unfortunately the constant moving only helps the existing nausea. The DP was real bad, no other way to put it. "Day for night" shots were poorly matched to day shots and so on. I don't know what that other person was talking about regarding Angie Everheart. She is a terribly bad, bad, actor. It's no suprise this movie has no distribution after a whole year. If I were a distributer I would run as far away from this "film" as possible!

The miscasting is almost fatal (Richard Grieco as a police commissioner??? Whose bright idea was that?), and the storyline is painfully obvious (we are forever waiting for the thickheaded heroine to figure out what is in clear view). Those two factors alone make the movie a waste of time (and a warning to Angie Everhart fanatics: don't come here looking for nudity). Even if you happen to catch this on TV, viewing it will offer you nothing; renting is simply out of the question. (*1/2)

"When her beautiful partner mysteriously disappears, Detective Kelly Jones (Angie Everhart) traces her to the Garden of Eden Nursery. There, she meets the master gardener (Malcolm McDowell) who is elegant, brilliant, and deliciously sinister. Everyone thinks she's crazy to hunt for evil in such a peaceful place, but horticultural horrors await for those brave enough to dig beneath the surface," according to the DVD sleeve's synopsis, "in this incredible unearthing of a madman's mind."

If you want to make a case against film preservation, dig up "The Gardener" (re-titled "Garden of Evil" on my DVD). The hammy starring duo can't get their lines to match, and nobody notices. The props are awful. At one point, Mr. McDowell is presented as a teenager, an age group notable for aged faces and bad wigs. Ex-"21 Jump Street" resident Richard Grieco and ex-"Juliet" Olivia Hussey are upstaged by President Clinton's brother Roger and "Dynasty" regular Pamela Bellwood.

** The Gardener (1998) James D.R. Hickox ~ Angie Everhart, Malcolm McDowell, Richard Grieco, Olivia Hussey