- Zach: So what's his name?
- Felix Bean: Traci Shannon.
- Zach: Traci Shannon! That's not just a firsty, firsty. It's also a girly girly
- Emily: [performing stand-up comedy] The cops on this campus are great... Great at eating donuts!
- Freaky Reaky: [laughs loudly - he is the only person laughing]
- Emily: But I don't really like donuts. I just like the chocolate ones, the jelly ones, the...
- Freaky Reaky: [laughing loudly] You gotta love them donuts!
- Matt: Well hey, Sara.
- Sara: Hey, Matt. Grogan's so funny.
- Matt: Yeah. Hey, sounds to me like you like him.
- Sara: Well...
- Matt: Wow. You and Garbage Dick. That's great, I mean he was just saying that...
- Sara: Wait, what did you say?
- Matt: I was just saying how Garbage Dick told me how he thought you were...
- Sara: Garbage Dick?
- Matt: Yeah. Oh, no, no. It's no big deal. I mean, that was at least a year to two ago, anyway.
- Sara: Wait, what does that mean?
- Matt: Ah, I wouldn't worry about it. Besides, everyone wears condoms these days, right?
- Felix Bean: Well, there's no way she heard that.
- Zach: How do you know?
- Felix Bean: She would have called by now.
- [Phone begins to ring]
- Felix Bean: I'm not here.
- Grogan: Me neither.
- Zach: Me neither.
- Freaky Reaky: Me neither.
- Matt: Me neither.
- Grogan: [On answering machine] Greetings earthing. At the lazor please record your communication... And take me to your leader
- [Lazor sounds on recording]
- Matt: That is the funniest message I've ever heard.
- Matt: [Discussing the six digit phone number a girl gave Zach] Maybe it's one of those love numbers.
- Felix Bean: What like I want to be with you 24 hours a day, seven days a week, 365 days a year
- [Matt nods]
- Zach: Yeah, but these numbers are 213147.
- Felix Bean: Oh well I guess she wants to be with you three days a week 21 hours a day 147 days a year.
- Felix Bean: [waiting in line for the bathroom at a party] It's like waiting in line for space mountain. You know
- [with Russian accent]
- Felix Bean: In Russia?
- Emily: Felix, I don't think anything's happening.
- Felix Bean: It'll happen, Don't worry, I'm on top of it.
- Emily: On top of the aurora borealis?
- Julie: Is Matt okay?
- Grogan: He looks pretty good to me.
- Julie: Well, does he have a girlfriend?
- Grogan: No, no, no.
- Julie: Cool.
- Grogan: No girlfriend. He's too loyal.
- Julie: What do you mean?
- Grogan: Well, I think he's still married... Actually, I don't know if he's legally married. See he spent last summer in Natchez, Mississippi. Had a thing with a 12-year-old. I shouldn't be talking about this.
- Julie: Twelve?
- Grogan: See, they got married, and the cops found out, and, well, you know cops. That kinda ended it. They still write, though. Well, he writes. She's still learnin'. Ah, it's no big deal, you know, it's over. He's not allowed into Mississippi anymore, and she wanted to raise the kid there, and, uh, between you and me, I think that's for the best.