A Cobra Assassina

Okay. "Battlefield Earth" is nothing compared to this. This is, hands down, the worst movie I have ever, EVER seen. I saw it on HBO in the middle of the day when I was home sick, and this movie just made it worse. But, like a terrible car accident, I couldn't look away. The town in the film is home to a fledgling brewery that could spell an economic turnaround for the small hamlet, if its opening day "Brewfest" is a success. But, a giant cobra has escaped from a nearby lab and could kill everyone if authorities don't take the advice of the cute lady cop and her doctor boyfriend. Believe it or not, the stubborn mayor JUST WON'T LISTEN! You can guess the rest. Some observations:

1) Erik Estrada's performance as a gay man was the very worst acting I have ever seen in any movie. I'm talking Ed Wood level acting here. I kept getting the feeling that he was uncomfortable playing a a gay man; maybe he's got too much "machismo" in his Latin blood for that. His lisp, his "little dog," his "gay walk," his constantly checking out men's rears. Yikes!

2) The dad from "Gremlins" played the mayor of the town who, darnit, just won't listen when he's warned about the snake. He can't stop the town's beer festival! The economic future of every citizen is riding on it! Predictable results.

3) The young doctor. Hoo boy. The young doctor. Don't quit your day job, Mr. Forgettable, Stilted, Anonymous actor.

4) The lady cop. Ditto.

5) The snake was funny. A cobra with a rattle.

Not to mention all the racist stereotypes and idiotic dialogue. Don't see this. No, wait! See this! It's actually pretty funny!

Grade: F-

Things to look for: the sets, the look on the cobra's face, the woodchopping scene that goes on MUCH too long, the two Latin lovers in the woods (what ARE they saying?), Erik Estrada.

I was looking forward to seeing another "Anaconda" and what I got was instead was a laugh out of it. This movie was probably the worst horror movie I have ever seen. Reason I say this, is not because it was poorly directed or made, but because of Pat Morita's entrance into the movie. Not only did he come in after a great hour of the movie, but he came in with his jokes and his knowledge on snakes. Honestly, I don't think the movie needed a snake guy to help out, I'm pretty sure the Doctor, which was played by Scott Hillenbrand (the director, also), would know what was poisonous and what was not. I think any movie, regardless of the genre, wants to make someone their leading man in the credits like this movie did with Morita, they should atleast put him in more than 30 minutes of the movie. Nonetheless, this movie was still entertaining, not scary, but entertaining. You even get a good laugh at the end that makes you feel like you actually didn't waste the 93 minutes of watching the movie.

The film tells about Dr Burns in charge a environment lab making scientific experiments but it turns out to be a bio-genetically King Cobra that has a taste for human flesh .The researcher makes a chemical crossing two species, creating a weird and dangerous hybrid ,being transformed into deadly vipers: an African King Cobra and an American rattle snake with approximate length of thirty feet and whose bites killing its victims.But the laboratory instantly explodes .Two years later the giant snake makes a reappearance and and get loose, attacking at a small town and threaten the populace.Noriyuki, Pat Morita as a snakes expert tells: the African King cobra kills more people than one shark along hundred years .Morita says the snakes have bitten him 167 occasions and he's continuously injecting serum and keeps records with a bite black Mamba snake.The King Cobra simulates death for attraction the victims. and causing a breakdown of the blood cells.The poisonous Cobra-Rattler attack at random and slither down the mountainside,woods and slither around small town,ready to attack anyone in its path.

This is an average scary snake movie .Creepy,scary,campy and low budgeter story about a large snake attacking human beings. Mediocre performances though the actors reacts appropriately to becoming snake food.Rather sympathetic characterization by Pat Morita for the horror genre.Besides Hoyt Axton as the Mayor and Eric Strada as a gay man organizing the brew-fest.The snake are made by Animatronics ,no by nowadays very prolific computer generator,as usual. Another films about this sub-genre are : SSS(Bernard Kowalski),the successful Anaconda(Luis Llosa with Jennifer López),Python 1,2,Boa and Rattlers.The motion picture is regularly directed by David Hillenbrand.

1) You can survive an explosion straight to your face and only suffer from a missing eye.

2) The "African King Cobra" exists, even if king cobras only live in Asia.

3) Aggression makes things bigger.

4) A king cobra/rattlesnake hybrid can spit venom, even if both species are incapable of doing so.

5) Rattlesnakes rattle when they're hunting. Screw being silent.

6) A king cobra/rattlesnake hybrid can make Jurassic Park Raptor noises.

7) Bullets do not affect a king cobra/rattlesnake hybrid at all.

8) A beer festival is way too important to mind the lives of innocent civilians.

9) Never trust people from you snake-hunting team, as they might mistake sleeping gas for toxic gas.

10) Expect the unexpected.

Even taking into account what obviously was a miniscule budget, one of the worst efforts I've been exposed to. In a nutshell, this is a tale of a small town under the attack of a genetically engineered, grossly oversized mutant snake (half King Cobra-half rattlesnake) that has escaped from the local laboratory. To remedy this awful situation, they hire expert snake wrangler Mr. Miyagi to corral the ferocious reptile. Honestly, Pat Morita would have won more of my respect by signing on for another Karate Kid movie. And despite the fact that both the plot and the realism are miserable, every cloud has a silver lining - this movie is so bad that laughter is all but guaranteed. That's the only reason you'll make it to the end. And if you do, there's gold at the end of the rainbow. In one of the most outstanding moments in bad movie history, the movie's final scene features one of our heroes delivering a breathtaking drop kick to the snake that is guaranteed to have you doubled over in laughter while frantically reaching for the rewind button. You've got to see it to believe it.