Beretta

Truth be told, then I wasn't expecting a whole lot from this 1993 action movie titled "Beretta's Island". And the only reason why I did pick it up, actually, was because the movie had Arnold Schwarzenegger on the cast list.

Writers Franco Columbu and Donna Jeffries didn't exactly impress with the storyline concocted for this 1993 action movie. Sure, it wasn't among the worst of movies I have suffered through, but it was by no means a noteworthy cinematic experience.

The acting performances in the movie were fair enough, though somewhat rigid from some of the performers, namely the leading actor Franco Columbu. Needless to say that I was disappointed with the small time on the screen that Arnold Schwarzenegger had in the movie, but I can't say that I was surprised.

"Beretta's Island" left absolutely zero impression on me, and the movie will fade into the mists of oblivion just as quietly as it came in under the radar. In fact, I didn't even know about the movie's existence before stumbling upon it by random chance here in 2022.

My rating of director Michael Preece's "Beretta's Island" lands on a three out of ten stars.

An Interpol agent in Los Angeles (Franco Columbu) comes out of retirement to help rid his hometown of violent drug dealers in Sardinia.

"Baretta's Island" (1993) is a low-budget crime thriller set mostly on an island off the western coast of Italy starring Franco Columbu. He was Schwarzeneggar's best friend and sometimes showed up in his movies in bit parts, such as the Pictish scout near the beginning of "Conan the Barbarian" (1982). Arnold has a cameo here in the dreadfully boring opening weight-lifting sequence. Franco was short at 5'5", but he's likable as the protagonist, although he's a lousy actor.

One of the main reasons to see this flick, aside from the nice island locations, is Elizabeth Kaitan as Linda. She was beautiful and winsome during her 'B' movie career from approximately 1983-1997; and notable in films like "Necromancer" (1988) and "Nightwish" (1989). In this one, she usually appears in baggy jean shorts or tight jeans, although she has a decent sequence in a yellow bikini and, at the very end, a tame top nude scene while swimming with the protagonist.

The movie runs about 1 hour, 30 minutes, and was shot mainly in Ollolai, Nuoro, Sardinia, Italy (Franco's hometown), as well as other areas of Sardinia, not to mention Las Vegas, Nevada, and Los Angeles.

GRADE: D+

Francko Columbo (aka The Ripper) is a superb actor, who could forget him in the classic detective series when he wore that long dirty coat and drove around in a whacked out old car with his pet bloodhound. Anyway back to Beretta's Island, it is one of the best epic action Manganime films I have ever seen. I cannot find enough superlatives for this movie. Franco excels as the cop who will stop as nothing to capture the very young Paul Hogan (the evil drug dealer). Arnold's role is great and its cool to see him getting ripped with Franco!??? The drop kick sequence has to be seen to be believed, it was all, i believe, filmed in camera with no latex involved! Franco's prosthetic ageing make-up works wonders to give him a very convincing appearance. Franco trained hard for a year for this movie and it really paid off. The action scenes are the best i have seen since Spawn, specifically the bit where Spawn does a forward flip with 2 machine guns. The early use of CGI almost tops the innovation displayed in Nightmare on Elm Street 3. Lance Henrickson cameos as a street punk who gets whipped by Franco. Try and spot Dudley Moore in the apartment shoot-out scene. Bill Paxton also features as a villain who uses double Uzi's in the final underwater action sequence. Highly recommended.

I like when certain low budget independent motion pictures are trying harder to make a point. "Beretta's Island" certainly is one of them. Franco Columbu (Mr. World, Mr. Universe and Mr. Olympia) produced this movie and stars as an interpol agent - code name Beretta - who is forced out of retirement to avenge the cold-blooded murder of a cop. The killer's trail leads to Franco's hometown on the beautiful island of Sardinia, west of the Italian coast line. Rarely used locations adding an amazing flavor to the action and increases the value of the story and cinematography. I heard that in some circles in the USA and around the world this is considered a cult movie.

From the first time I saw the box cover of the movie and the stretched out photography I thought this guy, this friend of the 'Scwarz' must be like 6 foot or 6ft 2in.

Not 5 feet tall. Not that, it's his fault.

At any rating, I turned on the movie one cool night in Tucson, out on the second story-deck with a good cigar and let it roll. At that time my wife was having an affair and things were going down hill for me, so I needed a good diversion. But, as bad as the movie was...I totally enjoyed it, with a bottle of Merlot too, I might admit.

Truly, I have watched this movie many times. It always makes me feel good!! It's not that it 'tries too hard' to be cool or that 'It's so close' to hitting the mark for an action film....It's frantic. And then truly clueless. Then frantic again. It's the best of the best when it comes to a slow speed chase scene. Wow!! I never felt safer in my life. Warm and happy too. I was thankful that they conserved on the gasoline during the chase, due to less production in the summer months...anywho

The direction was 'uninspired' the action and fight sequences needed to be choreographed, or re-choreographed and tightened up, the sound was off the delivery didn't hit you, it just kept on going, the other way. The 'locals' of that village that they were in, the town rather, were 'Off cue' they also did not seem to follow what was happening very well, the would look and even 'stare' into the camera lens. Like a deer in the head lights kind of thing only some of them with a smile, a smiling deer.

I feel bad because 'Columbu' I just bet has a good heart and a caring spirit for people in America as well as for his own countrymen.

However "Baretta's Island" is very lethargic and unbelievable. Even still I like it a lot. My now x-wife hates it, but I love it!

The funny thing is, I am pretty discriminating when it comes to movies I like or even 'love'. All in all, I like Franco. So there it is.

As a movie adding addendum to this if you like killing a few hours with truly fun to watch, straight to video-B movies or 'bad' movies for your little library collection then, if you can find it, check out 'The Big Sweat' (1991) with Robert Z' Dar..you know the big guy from 'TANGO & CASH'. 'The Big Sweat', a bomb of a cop story with no real plot discovery and acting that is so lame, it might as well be 'on crutches' and at the end of 'The Big Sweat' I think they ran out of money, because they had a picture of the cast and just set it on fire and let it burn during the credits. -Good fun.

But all in all, not as good as Baretta's Island', I gave it a '1' and an overall rating of 'awful' for awful-good B' movie. I'm waiting for the sequel, maybe like 'Baretta's revenge on Montazuma' (Franco takes a Mexican vacation and gets sick on the water then, declares war on the water co.) or 'Baretta's powder war' where as he would stake out a large drug lord in his country and chemically gene-splice and create a hybrid super bug (insect) that would be bred and dropped into the cocaine fields and eat the coke and upon passing it through the bug, it forms a chemical reaction that turns the coke to pure powdered sugar. Then another sequel he would have to get the young people rescued from excessive sugar addiction and so on. He could get a major tooth paste company to endorse and partially fund the project with careful product placement in the feature. Right?(*)