Baratas Assassinas

See, when I go to my local used tape store, I write down a bunch of titles and check 'em out on imdb. I got Bug Buster on the basis of the seriously negative reviews, and, by and large, it was pretty bad.

The big problem is that Lorenzo Wossname that directed this bumph doesn't know how to move his actors around on a set and have them speak clearly and distinctly into the camera, moving their hands when required to convey emotion-OK, OK, the guy can't direct for squat. The plot creaks when it moves, and the only original thought in the entire movie is turning Bernie Kopell into a love god.

And, yeah, the Quaid sucks on toast. And, yeah, the Julie Brown character is even worse. But, dammit, Meredith Salenger overcomes the lousy direction, and her last scene is really disturbing and convincing, to the extent that I replayed it just to make sure I wasn't hallucinating from too much Diet Dr. Pepper. And the Mama Bug at the end wasn't half bad, for having been constructed at a total cost of a new Kia Sephia with a crappy radio.

So, frankly, I wish it'd been a lot worse. If I lay down five bucks for a used tape, I want it to bite majorly. I want it to make Night of Horror look like The Innocents. I want to strengthen my belief in the futility of human endeavor.

This wasn't bad enough. Sure, it's a mess, both completely unbelievable and with every plot twist and virtually every line stolen from somebody else. But it's nicely shot, Johnny Legend is in it and is pretty good, Meredith Salenger overcomes an earlier speech she was forced to make at gunpoint about how nice her boobs are and does something she can be proud of, and the Mama Bug provided an OK finish.

Rats. Oh, well. On the same trip I also copped Pink Motel, and I have high hopes.

In the small lakeside town of Mountview, in California, the Major decides to pulverize a dangerous substance to protect the local plantation. Thirteen years later, a harmful and lethal species of cockroaches appears nearby the lake, threatening and killing the local dwellers. The famous exterminator General George S. Merlin (Randy Quaid) is called to fight against the bugs.

Yesterday I was walking around downtown of Rio de Janeiro, and I found this DVD on sale for less than US$ 3.00. When I saw the names of Star Trek crew James "Scotty" Doohan, George "Sulu" Takei, Randy Quaid and the delicious Katherine Heigl in the cast I immediately bought and saw it at night.

The story of "Bug Buster" is simply ridiculous and the performances are awful, being difficult to highlight the worst in the "amazing" cast: the hero David Lipper, in the role of Steve Williams? Ty O'Neal, the smart Deputy Bo? Meredith Salenger, the slut Veronica Hart? George Takei, the crazy entomologist Professor Hiro Fujimoto? Randy Quaid, the exaggerated General George S. Merlin? I believe the correct answer would be all of them. Further, the cheap special effects are laughable. But this director Lorenzo Doumani is "hors-concours", seeming to be the reincarnation of Ed Wood. In spite of being so bad, the most impressive is that in the end I liked this flick, and I laughed a lot. It has also a great potential of cult-movie, a big joke, missing only the usual naked women, or the breast of Katherine Heigl to complete the appeal. My vote is six.

Title (Brazil): "Baratas Assassinas" ("Cockroaches Killers")

This is one of those movies that leaves you wondering, with a cast like this why was it so bad, or why does a cast like this feel the need to appear in a film this bad.

Out of all the best known names James Doohan, George Takei and Denis Quaid, you figure they surely don't need the money, and if they did do they need it this badly.

This film can't seem to make up it's mind what it wants to be, if it's meant to be a straight, creature horror flick, it fails miserably, and if it's meant to be a tongue in cheek spoof, it fails miserably as well, in fact the only good thing about this film is the consistency, it starts of really bad, continues to be really bad in the middle, and, shooting a slight hole in my own theory, it actually gets worse at the end.

I kept expecting James Doohan to revert to a Scots accent and Say "Ya canna break the law of insects Cap'n' and perhaps it wouldn't have been so bad if he had, it did make a change to her him with, what I assume was his natural voice, for those of you who didn't know he is in fact Canadian, and George Takei as an insect scientist OH MY GOD! (this needs to be said like Janice out of Friends) Another thing I couldn't handle was the size of the town and the women, before you all go crazy let em explain. I live in a tiny little village in England, when compared to the size of the States would probably be of equivalent size to the town this is set in, and most of the women in my village are either over 60 or under 6 or married with kids, we have no incredibly sexy blonde scientist, no beautiful single brunettes and certainly no gorgeous nymphomaniacs taking the men skinny dipping at night. To think I've met people who've had really good ideas for films if only they'd had the chance, and to see a film like this just confirms there is no justice in the world, well in the film industry anyway. If you don't like bugs you'll hate this film, come to think of it even if you love bugs you'll probably hate it.

I am sure this film is one of those 'cheap' DVDs that we have here in grocery stores for £4.99. I bought it for a pound, but I think that was too steep.

As one reviewer said "No-one has to make a film this bad." And as someone else said, "What were they thinking of?"

This film does belong to 'so bad it's good' genre, but it wasn't good enough to persuade me to stay up for the denouement.

A typical bizarre scene is where the Sheriff rescues a young men who has fallen in the deadly lake. The young man is in trouble but he is clearly going for the Gold Medal for bad acting. I think the actor should attend Stanislavasky's current drama school in the Gulag somewhere.

So, the young man is being attacked by something we can't see - it later turns out to be a medium-sized silt-sifter with a red vertical stripe painted down its middle.

So, we can't see this vicious fish that's mauling the young man; but with very great reluctance the Sheriff, an old warrior from Star Trek, takes aim at the mildly disturbed surface and fires. Apparently his vision and aim are top notch because he kills that red-striped fish with just the one bullet. End of scene.

Another amusing aspect is the man who has retired from something in the rat race and invested ALL his income in some lakeside roadhouse and hotel. His wife and daughter didn't think this investment and move to the sticks was such a good idea. But when a strangely-bearded musician is killed by large stick-on bugs at the hotel, he resolves to sell out for 25c in the dollar.

25c in the dollar! I just had to worry about a father who makes that kind of investment.

The whole thing is ludicrous. The script is weird. It's not apparent but hardly two consecutive lines make much sense.

I was impressed by the first swimming girl because she seemed to have Buffy-style patter and reminded me a little of cross between Faith and Charisma Carpenter. It's a shame that she turns out to be the community's loose woman and has to develop all those great bug-induced squishy lumps.

It's a funny film if you're in the right company, but I can't honestly encourage to BUY this film at any price.

Although I assume this film is meant to be tongue in cheek, it is still one of the worst comedy/horror films of all time. While I was watching this all I could think of was how good Arachnophobia actually was. The acting in this film is really average, it was disappointing to see an actress such as Meredith Salenger, who showed such promise in her younger years, reduced to a supporting role as a bimbo. Katherine Heigl was very wooden in her role, but then again...she did not have much to work with. The special effects at the end are shocking, quite reminiscent of Godzilla 1985, but this was made late 90's (there have been many technological advances since then...)Doesn't even rate as a B movie in my book, probably best to stay away from this film at all costs.