- Thomas: [approaching The Barbarian Brothers] Uh, David and Peter Falcone?
- Peter Falcone: Yeah, what's your name?
- Thomas: Well, my name is Thomas Sedgewick...
- Peter Falcone: [grabbing a pen and writing an autograph] Okay! "To: Thomas. May all your ups and downs be in bed! Peter Falcone." There ya go!
- Thomas: Wait a moment. Where do you think you're going?
- Peter Falcone: We're goin' on a date.
- Thomas: With the children?
- David Falcone: Nah, with Miss Newman.
- [to Bradley and Steven]
- David Falcone: Come on, let's go.
- Thomas: But, but you're not supposed to leave the grounds!
- Peter Falcone: Thomas, you're a butler - BUTT OUT!
- Ma Falcone: [speaking to Pa Falcone] Leon... Leon, look at their necks!
- Peter Falcone: Here we go again...
- Peter Falcone, David Falcone, Ma Falcone: Their necks are out of proportion with the rest of their body!
- Ma Falcone: Well, it's true! Your necks are bigger than your heads.
- David Falcone: Ma, that's only because there are no muscles in our heads to exercise.
- Ma Falcone: Yeah? Well, what about your brain?
- Peter Falcone: Ma, the brain is not a muscle; it's an organ!
- David Falcone: And it's a good thing, too. Otherwise, our heads would be so huge, we would fall over!
- Peter Falcone: It's a rip, man. It's a total rip.
- David Falcone: I know. How's the little guy ever supposed to get ahead? They won't give you a loan unless ya already got the money. It's totally scatalogical.