Tubarão Cruel

This is the worst shark movie ever produced and no one can deny it. Every shark appearance is stolen footage from Jaws, Jaws 2, Jaws 3, and The Last Shark. Good thing they didn't steal footage from Jaws 4: The Revenge or this film would've sucked even more. Also it is so low budget, the DVD didn't even have a main menu for god sakes. Nothing against Bruno Mattei, but he claims this movie to be Jaws 5. It's not Jaws 5, I repeat it's not Jaws 5. Unbelievably the acting was actually; not bad. The most pointless thing in the movie is, its in Englsih, but it has damn Japanese subtitles. This movie is BORING, BORING, don't even bother renting it because you won't find it any video stores.

Cruel Jaws (1995)

** 1/2 (out of 4)

Italian director Bruno Mattai is probably known for being the biggest hack of the past thirty years. He made a name for himself by creating some really strange horror films that borrowed music scores, scenes and direct dialogue from whatever movie he was ripping. His most famous film, Hell of the Living Dead was a rip of Romero's Dawn of the Dead and with this film he goes after Jaws. A tiger shark, created by the Navy to kill our enemies, is loose in the ocean and killing everyone. The (sound familiar) nice sheriff wants to close the beaches but the Mayor doesn't want to lose the summer money. People get eaten. I've seen quite a few Italian rips of the Spielberg film and this one here is one of the best actually but there's also the classic Mattai moments where he rips off scenes and dialogue. All four Jaws films have scenes and dialogue redone here and I even noticed some dialogue from Porky's. The attack scenes are done very well even though it's obvious that the shark isn't real. The film drags on a bit too long at 97 minutes but if you don't mind cheese then you might enjoy this.

A rogue tiger shark proceeds to dine on all the chump humans who enter its watery domain off the coast of Florida. Various concerned citizens take it upon themselves to rid the locale of the finned predator. Among our characters: an aquarium owner (Richard Dew, an obvious Hulk Hogan impersonator), an angry Sheriff (David Luther), a young shark expert (Gregg Hood), and a stereotypically greedy, sleazy land developer (George Barnes Jr.).

Complete with a dopey script, *hilariously* ridiculous lines (characters keep threatening to tear each others' manhood off), inane characters & performances, and gloriously awful shark effects (the fish here makes Bruce look good, even on his worst day), "Cruel Jaws" is one of the kings of truly bad shark cinema. What's more, this is a Bruno Mattei joint, and the late Italian schlock filmmaker never met a plot he couldn't rip off. Here he and the writers scrupulously copy (if not outright steal) characters, plots, and scenes straight from not only Hollywoods' "Jaws" franchise, but from Joe D'Amato's "Deep Blood" and Enzo G. Castellari's "The Last Shark" as well. If you are like this viewer and are intimately familiar with the "Jaws" franchise, you'll recognize the stolen shots when you see them, as brief as they are. The result is a priceless, ludicrous stew of shark movie absurdities. Even the score is imitative: sometimes emulating John Williams' classic "Jaws" theme, it even goes so far as to sound like his main "Star Wars" theme at points!

Cast with an assortment of non-union locals, the movie has definite amusements, especially Mr. Dew, who's required to give pep talks and educate locals on shark "facts". The young cast may be insipid in terms of any actual acting ability, but they're certainly attractive. Mattei and company even throw a wheelchair-bound child (Kirsten Urso) into the mix. And hey, the dolphins and that seal are of course cute. The seal is involved in two gags involving the sleazy antagonist.

Worth noting is that this flick actually incorporates the idea of the antagonist being involved with the mob, an element dropped from the original Peter Benchley novel for the classic 1974 Hollywood blockbuster, and approximates scenes from the novel such as a family of jerks who show up at the beach, hoping to see the shark, who annoy the Sheriff.

Good fun for people who can't get enough of cheesy shark cinema.

Five out of 10.

Ok, first let me say that this movie stole from Jaws in pretty much every way possible. The plot is exactly the same as Jaws from the beginning up to the point where they go searching for the shark. No really, it's literally the same: as shark attack happens, the sheriff wants to close the beach, the mayor convinces him not to because it was just a boating accident and they need the summer tourist money, another attack happens, this time involving one of the main character's kids, they catch a shark but it's not the same shark (straight down to the shark expert saying how the bite radius doesn't match the victims and they need to cut it open to know for sure, but the mayor won't allow it because it's not the time or place), to another attack happening and then everyone goes after the shark (though they do try and force in these ridiculous subplots). They literally took dialogue from the script for Jaws and just reworded it, but it's exactly the same. Hell, there's even a moment where they try to catch the shark from a helicopter, and someone says "We're going to need a bigger helicopter." Even after that, they still copy the scenes, even blowing up the shark. Now, if this was a parody/spoof that would be one thing, but the movie plays it off as serious.

But we're not done with the copying yet. There are literally over a dozen scenes in the movie (I stopped counting after that many), where the footage of the shark is literally straight out of Jaws and Jaws 2. No, seriously, they took scenes from Jaws, and zoomed in a bit, but they are the actual scenes. And then other scenes of the shark feeding are actual stock footage of sharks being fed, like they just took some shots out of Shark Week and stuck them in the movie.

Oh, but we're still not done with the stealing yet. Even the music is stolen. They stole the Jaws theme and gave it a remix. You can so obviously tell that it's still the Jaws theme music (the first 10 seconds of the music weren't even remixed at all, it's the actual Jaws score). But not just Jaws, they also, for some reason, used the Star Wars theme. No, really, they took the theme for Star Wars, did nothing with the first 20 seconds of the score, and then remixed the rest, but even the remixed portion is still recognizable as Star Wars, but the first 20 seconds are the exact score of Star Wars.

And if all this copyright infringement and theft wasn't enough, the movie is absolutely horrible and boring. The scenes with the shark are boring and lame, the acting is atrocious, and none of the characters are likable or believable. Even the scenes with the shark attacks are a joke. It's just people splashing around and screaming, and then they just obviously submerge themselves, and there's not even any blood. Oh, and what more, they keep saying that the shark is a tiger shark, but it's very obviously a Great White they used. The movie is 97 minutes, but it's so dull and boring that it feels twice as long.

So seriously, how did this movie get made, and how were the people who made it not sued for copyright infringement? The plot is so identical to Jaws that it's like a horrible remake, and they have literal stolen scenes and music from Star Wars and Jaws in it. Do yourself a favor and skip this boring trash, unless you want to laugh at the stupidity of it.

"William Snyder" is aka Bruno Mattei, the hack behind Zombie 3 (replacing Fulci), Strike Commando, Shocking Dark, Rats and other celluloid atrocities. As many pointless hours of "entertainment" as this guy has given me, i can't hate him,if just for his sheer audacity. And true to form, Cruel Jaws is the king of bad Jaws xeroxes. Most people will feel severely ripped off, but if (like me) you're a conoisseur of this form of twisted, inverted crap worship, you should have a ball (have some beer as well). My favourite part is the slight alteration of the classic line of dialogue from Jaws, feel your jaw hit the floor as a character actually remarks "We're gonna need a bigger HELICOPTER"!!!