- Eddie: I wonder how some people could be such a necessary part of one's life one day and simply vanish the next. Isn't it supposed to last?
- Eddie: Solitude brought out the worst in me. It gave me time to brood over the nature of things. I wondered how some people could be such a necessary part of one's life one day, and simply vanish the next. Isn't it supposed to last? We ran into each other at graduation. We had lunch about a year after that. It was nice to see them, but it wasn't like the old days. My college experience wasn't what I had planned. It bore no resemblance to the pictures in the brochure. But I'm not unhappy; I don't think any of us are. We got what we needed out of it. It's kind of like going on a vacation - you plan everything out but one day you make a wrong turn or take a detour, and you end up in some crazy place you can never find on the map, doing something you never thought you'd do. Maybe you feel a little lost while it's happening. But, later, you realize it was the best part of the whole trip
- Alex: Oh, I am so sick of this shit, it's not NORMAL! It's not NORMAL the three of us LIVING TOGETHER! I am so sick of falling for guys who don't give a fuck about me! I need help! I need a facial! I need to go on a diet! I need money! I need new shoes! Oh, God, just do something!
- Eddie: Pandora's proverbial box had been opened, and what's more, none of us were sure that we wanted it closed again.
- Eddie: If Alex and Stuart were genetically merged into one person, he or she would've been the love of my life.
- Stuart: I'm telling you. If you don't have sex soon, you dick is going to shrivel up and go inside your body. Then what do you have? A vagina.
- Eddie: Gay sex, by definition, is better than straight sex.
- Stuart: Get the fuck outta here! I would love to hear this.
- Eddie: If you have male genitalia and you're sleeping with someone who also has male genitalia, then you have first-hand knowledge of how their equipment works. You know all the pressure-sensitive points. You know what buttons to push. If you're a man having sex with a woman or vice-versa, you never really know how they feel. You don't know if they really feel great or if they're just faking it.
- Stuart: Guess what?
- Alex: What?
- Stuart: Eddie is a proud homeowner.
- Alex: A what?
- Stuart: A homeboy. Homo erectus. A f*g.
- Eddie: I didn't say that.
- Stuart: You didn't deny it.
- Alex: I don't believe it.
- Eddie: You can't say "f*g." It's like when one black guy calls another black guy "n****r." You can't say it unless you are one.
- Stuart: You just said "n****r," and you're not a black guy.
- Eddie: It's okay, though, because I'm a f*g.
- Stuart: You see, what did I tell you?
- Alex: Stop saying that word.
- Stuart: He is what he is.
- Alex: He doesn't know what he is. He's confused.
- Stuart: He's not confused about my butt.