- Joe Dick: There's two ways to look at it: Billy wants the models and limousines, while I'm happy with hookers and taxicabs.
- [His answering machine announcement]
- Billy Tallent: I can't come to the phone right now, I'm eating corn chips and masturbating. Please leave a message.
- John Oxenberger: [diary entry] Why the hell are two grown men still calling themselves Joe Dick and Billy Tallent? When they gave themselves those names they were 16... 17. The question is, when do they stop using them? Forty? Fifty? Sixty? You wonder if they remember their real names. Joe Mulgrew. Bill Boisy. Then there's Pipe... can't even remember his real name. I used to want a punk handle too... just couldn't find one that fit. It was always John. John. John Oxenberger. John. John. John, the bass player. John from Hard Core Logo. Maybe I never had a real self to throw away like those guys.
- Mulligan: Say they make six G's... you know, and they take my fifteen percent. The band, the food, the gas, hotel... uh... four guys, 3000 miles, five nights. At this point, you do it for love.
- Billy Tallent: [after Victoria questions Bucky Haight really getting his legs shot off] He showed us his stump, Victoria. Ever see a man's stump? Guy's like, "Go on, man. I want you to know how it feels. Touch it. Touch my stump." Disgusting! So don't tell us that Bucky Haight wasn't shot, cause we were there. We touched his stump.
- [girl leaves - to Joe Dick]
- Billy Tallent: Now that was fucking brilliant.