Day of the Warrior

Caught this on television one night and what a laugher it is. If you like t**s and lots of it, mixed with a brainless to borderline retarded plot of sideshow misfits trying to play spy, this is it. What else would you expect? It's Magnum P.I. rip off knocking the acting down three thousand fold with a ton of silicon.

Some direct-to-video action films aren't half bad. Some are so bad they've given DTVs the reputation they've developed. DAY OF THE WARRIOR falls in the latter category. I was working at Blockbuster Video in 1997 when this movie hit the shelves. As soon as I saw the cover (featuring two girls whose outfits looked like it could barely contain them while they each held some big automatic weapons), I knew I had to see it. Forget about a story. Heck, forget about intelligence. This film is about some of the most physically-endowed girls I've ever seen trying to stop a terrorist (who looks like a WWF reject) from doing some evil plot. I don't even remember what the guy was up to, and it's probably just as well. This film has nothing going for it with the exception of a good dose of flesh and gunfire. Shae Marks is hot, and deserves a special award for being not one, not two, but three of the best things about this movie.

Some people (not Robert Bresson) proclaim a basic law of cinema: "whatever the movie is about, it will be better with breasts and zombies". Well, in "The day of the warrior" there are no zombies.

There is little to add to Sickcritik's brilliant dissertation on this movie. If you enjoy watching "apparently" bad movies, this is a good option. You will enjoy with Andy Sidaris' master subtlety to include scenes with naked breasts. The special effects (those explosions, those weapons...) will fascinate you, the thrilling acting will carry you away (the comic couple, the hispano, the Shakespearian actresses...), you will fear the extraordinary evilness of the villains, as the owl-killer blonde or the Warrior, a psychopath who loves to kill his victims with wrestling techniques, you will be surprised by a soundtrack that it's maybe the worst thing of the movie (and that's a merit!) and finally you will meet the mythical Elvis Fu: I think everybody should meet Elvis Fu before death.

So enjoy it!, but remember, don't expose to this movie's quality more than ten minutes every time: more is dangerous for your health.

This movie begins in California and Vegas. Agents have to work under cover, they must be sure they do not attract anyone's attention. Therefore - they go on stage: Fu as the worst ever Elvis impersonator, Cobra as a dancer in a topless bar. Maybe that doesn't make any sense so far, but wait for it, you haven't seen yet what Julie Strain wears on a normal day in the office: a leopard stringy thing (the director dryly commented "works for me", quoted from the book "Bullets, Bombs And Babes"). She's one of the good guys this time. Anyhow, the story is about gangsters led by a wrestler named Warrior who smuggles diamonds from Russia and much more. The good guys guess they have a traitor among them, because a computer access code is passed on and the cover of 4 agents is blown. They now have to fight to survive. A lot of action in this Sidaris movie (this is the 11th out of my 12 reviews for the works of Andy Sidaris, in chronological order), beautiful women and a special sense of humor as always. Shae Marks, an "actress with a figure that would make a grown man cry", as Andy Sidaris truthfully wrote in his above-mentioned book, had her first appearance in the series here.

Easily a terrible movie, but also extremely funny. This has become a classic among me and my friends because it is so bad. There are moments when you can't help bursting out with awkward dialogue and gratuitous clothes changing. Elvis Fu is a virtual bevy of ethnic jokes.

The dialogue is so bad it's entertaining. I quote:

"Back in Kansas, it's so flat, when your dog runs away you can see him for THREE DAYS." "Wow, that's flat." End of scene. Just one of many awful exchanges. I recommend it.