Columbo: No Time to Die

Loyalty to Peter Falk is all that kept me from giving this awful picture the (1) it deserved. (For that matter, loyalty to Mr. Falk was what kept me watching this film all the way from heads to tails.) Even if you forgive all the glaring errors, this was just plain the poorest excuse for a made-for-TV "Columbo" film ever. I'm glad I watched it on TV for free; would have hated to have coughed up the bucks for a print.

Hmmmm...this is a real curate's egg. If only this wasn't marketed as an episode of Columbo, then it would actually be a perfectly acceptable standalone kidnapping movie. The thing is, although "No Time To Die" features Lieutenant Columbo, it's not stylistically or structurally a "Columbo" show as such, and doesn't really deserve to be viewed as part of the series.

What it does do is reveal just how important the normal formula is to the success of the show. Although I have no issues with experimental variations on the basic formula, a Columbo without a murder is just not a Columbo. When you sit down to watch an episode of Columbo, you want the familiarity of the basic plot structure so that you can really get into the characters and how their lives have become enmeshed in the horrific aftermath of a sudden homicide.

"No Time To Die" just doesn't work in the same way. The whole format is so different from normal that if you're in the mood for a traditional Columbo, this is bound to leave you feeling short-changed and a bit cheated.

On the other hand though, if you're fully aware before viewing that "No Time To Die" is a kidnap movie rather than a murder mystery, then you'll probably find it quite a gripping story. And at the end of the day, Lt Columbo's presence will only add to your enjoyment.

I compare this to a musician's guest appearance on another artist's album, as opposed to their own release. It's like Lieutenant Columbo is making a guest appearance on a totally separate movie, rather than being the star of his own.

PLOT: The bride of Columbo's nephew (Joanna Going) is kidnapped on their wedding night and Columbo has to find out whodunit before he & his team can track her down and execute a rescue.

COMMENTARY: While several Columbo episodes experiment with the 'Howcatchem' formula, this one and "Undercover" (1994) are the only two to completely abandon it. This can be traced to both scripts being adapted from 87th Precinct mysteries by Ed McBain. Falk & the producers were no doubt getting bored and wanted to experiment with the series. But is "No Time to Die" any good?

As noted, there is no murder at the beginning as usual, but rather a kidnapping. The detective story starts as a Whodunit and eventually turns into a Howcatchem with "can they make it in time" suspense at the close. Actually, the plot doesn't stray from formula as much as "Undercover." The episode simply exchanges a murder at the beginning for a kidnapping. From there Columbo & crew have to sort out the evidence to figure out who the culprit is, locate his whereabouts, and liberate the girl. Some reviewers point out that there's no murder; true, but there is a killing and that's all I'll say on that.

The first time I watched "No Time to Die" I thought it was below average. Maybe because I was turned off by the deviations or perhaps I just wasn't in proper Columbo mode. Seeing it again, I was surprised at how good it is. It's a solid Columbo flick and I appreciated the changes. It's not the same old, same old. It's fresh. And it's superior to the mediocre "Undercover."

GRADE: B

I notice a number of fans have slated this episode of COLUMBO, describing as the worst of all time. I can't help but disagree with them. I've seen plenty of other episodes that were less entertaining on account of them being duller than this one. Cheesy and dated I can cope with; dull is the biggest no-no in my book.

NO TIME TO DIE is one of those 1990s TV movies that attempts to shake up the familiar order by offering twists and a new template for the dogged detective. I wish they hadn't experimented like this - there's no point trying to improve on what was pretty much a perfect formula - but at least it helps NO TIME TO DIE stand out from the crowd. There's no actual murder here but rather a kidnapping for the star to solve.

The episode has a number of problems, a completely ineffectual villain being the biggest of them. However, watching Columbo lead a task force is quite a novel experience, and Falk does well in the part, playing up the humour with physicality in a script that gives him virtually no funny lines. The strong supporting cast includes Doug Savant (TRICK OR TREAT), Donald Moffat (THE THING), and cameos for Juliet Mills and Don Swayze.

I agree with most of the Columbo fans that this movie was an unnecessary change of format. Columbo is a unique cop with unorthodox police methods. This movie looks like a remake of any other ordinary detective dramas from the past. And that is the disturbing point, because Columbo is no ordinary detective.

There are two parts in this film that left me intriguing. First, I can't figure out the title of this movie. It is misleading. Maybe a better title would've been "The Vanishing Bride" or something similar. Second, Columbo hides a piece of evidence without offering the reason (to the viewers at least) why he does it.

I don't feel betrayed, just disappointed. I'm glad Peter Falk went back to the usual Columbo.