Trolls II

I would like to begin my review by saying that watching this movie will be like taking a hot fork and shoving it in your eye socket for some people, whereas for others it will be the funniest F'n thing you've ever seen.

Before I get into the meat of the story or as I like to call it a double decker bologna sandwich…Troll 2 has nothing to do with trolls (just goblins), Troll 2 also has absolutely nothing to do with Troll 1. AHA but that's not all!!!! The guy who made the cover for Troll 2 didn't see Troll 1 or Troll 2!!!! The original cover of Troll 2 has a werewolf (Not in Troll 1 or Troll 2) chasing a little boy who doesn't even appear in either of the Troll movies! If that doesn't make you want to take your head and smash it against concrete, I don't know what does.

I will now begin with the double decker bologna sandwich part of my analysis. The film begins with Grandpa Seth talking to his grandson Joshua. Joshua is constipated throughout the film and grandpa is dead. You know the kind of dead where you say you will be gone forever and then you come back and then you say you will be gone forever and then you come back and then you give your 12 year old grandson a Molotov cocktail and then you say you will be gone forever and then you come back…that kind of dead. He tells that old story of how Peter Pan ran through the woods one day, ate green goup, and turned into a MLANT. The mother, played by Margo Prey (AKA greatest actress ever) assures Joshua that it was just a dream and goes onto explain that Grandpa's death was, "Very difficult for your father, for Holly, and for me his daughter." You may want to give that quote a second reading… The daughter is also brilliant in this picture. The chemistry between her and her boyfriend Elliott is sizzling!!! Ouch very hot! So sizzling that Elliott and his friends couldn't be more gay! Holly explains, "You take them to bed with you too (referring to Elliott's guy friends that are hanging out the window) and I don't believe in group sex". What??? Holly then explains that her parents don't like Elliott (that he is a good for nothing) and that they are going on vacation for a month. Ellliott then asks, "Is it true you're going on vacation tomorrow?" "Yes!" "I'll come with you?" "OK I'll tell my father that you're coming with us tomorrow" Believe me the movie keeps going…Joshua must do it he must do it! He must pee on everyone's food before they eat corn with green paste on it. Oh my god! Or how about "You're a genius big Sister!" Watch for the mother staring directly into the camera and yelling, "Oh dear god what can we do!" So they have this family exchange and they go to Nilbog and oh my god!

This movie is a pure masterpiece. It's so bad it's fantastic! I recommend everyone to give it one viewing just so you can say you've survived it's stupidity. Make sure you watch it with friends though…DO NOT watch this movie alone or you will lose your mind trying to figure out why anyone would make a movie this bad...I will leave you with this: Mother says "Elliott what are you doing here?" Daughter says "Elliott is part of the family now!" Mom puts her hand on Elliott's face, "Oh Elliott!"

My sister made me watch this. She insisted it was a contagion, a disease she was compelled to spread. After seeing it, I truly understand, relate, and recommend.

It's awful! But a transcendent awfulness...you want to pass it around like milk that might be spoiled, but everyone needs to test it anyway.

I've never laughed so much at something that isn't even trying to be remotely comedic; it's a travesty.

I'm not surprised there are drinking games built around it, but you'll be more than amused watching it sober.Yes, it's that bad! But fun - you want to see it over and over again, and force other people to watch it too. Rent it on a particularly bad day: you'll forget everything irritating in your life, and be weirdly involved in a world of badly-clad midgets; suddenly wondering if baloney sandwiches or urine could possibly be the solution... If you vote, give it a one - it truly deserves the recognition of being one of the worst movies ever.

This here is a treasure for bad movie buffs like myself. Absolutely unbelievable.

Perhaps my favorite scene is when the family is greeted by complete strangers holding a welcome party in the FAMILY's house. Well... their temporary house that they, uh... well, you'd have to see the movie. Anyways, they are in the house and some old lady is playing country music on the piano. Everyone goes "La la laaa la la la la la la laaaa" and there is this fantastic breathtaking shot of a person carrying a cake towards the family.

Well maybe my real favorite scene is where little Joshua is snooping during a town meeting. They are all discussing the evils of meat, sausages, and clusters of hemorrhoids.

I have never seen a more delightful piece of absolute trash in my entire life. Everything here couldn't be more laugh inducing. It's made on such a technically inept level it's unimaginable. Some of the most memorable (not in a good way) lines of dialog are presented here:

"Joshua is not a little s***, he's just very sensitive."

"If my father discovers you here, he'd cut off your little nuts and eat them."

For a film that's titled "Troll 2" didn't it seem kind of strange that there were goblins and no trolls in the film? And don't let this fool you into thinking the original Troll film is terrible. It hasn't anything to do with that film.

Yes, my friends, if you want bad film-making, look no farther!

"Eggs! BLEH!"

Written and directed by Claudio Fragrasso, a name that any self-respecting fan of bad films should be aware of, Troll 2 is a logic-free mess that features absolutely no trolls (vegetarian goblins, yes; trolls, no!), costumes by Laura Gemser (a woman who knows a lot about taking clothes off, but seemingly very little about designing them), bad 80s hair and fashion, a goblin queen by the name of Creedence Leonore Gielgud (who scrubs up rather nice and seduces a bloke with a cob of corn), lousy special effects and make-up, one of the most irritating child 'actors' of all time, and a crazy finalé that sees good triumph over evil with the help of a double-decker bologna sandwich and a rock from Stonehenge (quite what that is doing in Utah, I'll never know!).

Whilst there is no doubt that Troll 2 is a technically very poor film, I'm not entirely convinced that it deserves it's current position of number 59 on the IMDb bottom 100. I've seen tons of films that I have enjoyed far less than Troll 2—films with seemingly no redeeming qualities whatsoever, the celluloid equivalent of Ketamine; at least this one provides plenty of unintentional laughs and is so utterly bizarre in places that it kept me watching to the bitter end. Surely that's gotta be worth a rating of at least a 3/10?

P.S. If you should find yourself struggling to finish the film, there are always the Troll 2 drinking games to make things a little less painful; I suggest taking a shot every time piggy-nosed brat Joshua mentions his Grandpa Seth—you'll be plastered in no time!

This IS the best movie ever made. Nothing I have experienced has displayed the degree of perfection attained by the geniuses (yes geniuses and nothing less) behind Troll II.

The story-line is gripping, believable, and damn scary. The Waits family is on a month long vacation in the country town of Nilbog, as part of the family exchange program. They leave the modern conveniences of their home to "rough it" in Nilbog's rural setting. I'm on the edge of my seat already, but wait, there's more. Young Joshua's deceased Grampa Seth comes back from the grave to warn the family of Nilbog's dangers. The beautiful Holly Waites's boyfriend tags along with his blatantly homo-erotic chums. There's something strange about the curiously unrefrigerated "Nilbog Milk." Oh, and did I forget to mention that the town is full of GOBLINS?!!!

The acting in this film can be summed up in one word and one word only: superfine. Every member of the Waites family was portrayed realistically and intriguingly. The chemistry between Elliot and Holly was so intense that I would be surprised to hear that there was not something going on off camera. The town matriarch has full command of the screen whenever she graces it with her presence. One actor takes the cake, however. Scene stealer Draco Floyd as the Store Owner is a sight to behold. He truly takes this movie that extra step into masterpiece. Watch for him. He'll give you chills.

The special effects are top of the line for 1992, and some of these techniques are still used today. Watch for the spear throwing, the regeneration of Creedence's hand, Grampa Seth in the mirror, "the shirt buttoning scene," the vegetable transformations, "the popcorn scene," and of course, the goblin costumes.

The underlying social commentary of Troll II was truly ahead of it's time. Homosexuality is dealt with on many different levels. Elliot and his boys are obviously repressed closet homosexuals. Their's is a constant struggle for acceptance into the Waites family. The town of Nilbog is in fact run by a lesbian who lusts after Holly Waits and takes great pleasure in the demasculinization of Arnold. Vegetarianism is approached more directly. The goblins turn their human victims into vegetables before devouring them. This says in no uncertain terms that everything you eat (plant or animal) was alive once, and killing is still killing. Troll II takes a chilling look at organized religion in the sermon scene. The Preacher (played by my father, I'm pretty sure of it) has his congregation in the palms of his hands and easily turns them against the lovable, freckled Joshua. Power like that belongs in no one man's hands.

On the whole, realism sells Troll II. It's scary because it COULD happen. Don't watch this one alone or at night, but DO watch it. You won't forget it.