Trolls II

Yes, the acting is bad, the costumes are cheap and the music is laughable. But worst movie of all time? definitely not. I don't have the energy to dissect the film scene by scene nor would anyone want that, but I actually did enjoy certain aspects of the film, what I enjoyed was its 'campy' improvised feel, and how it always manages to avoid cliché, and that even in the most unconventional ways. The film has the creators stamp all over it and when he encounters a snag or hiccup in the plot, be damned to those who disagree with how one should deal it, he plows through it and comes up with his own completely unique solution no matter how illogical it may be. This is film this is make believe, I don't care if it makes sense it is actually refreshing to see a little bit of 'weird' now and then. That is not to say that I wholly enjoyed the film, I found it to drag on and several times let myself be distracted by other things while the film played, it is no great film even in its badness, it is bad for sure, but there were more than a few entertaining moments. For instance, Troll 2 has nothing to do with trolls, it is a movie about goblins, but hey whatever just a technicality eh? lololol.

This is it, folks: the worst movie ever made.

I know, I know, there are many who argue that "Plan 9 from Outer Space" and "Manos: The Hands of Fate" are worse "films" than this one. Well, I'd advise those people to give "Troll 2" another viewing, this time with an open mind. As something of a self-made authority on the worst of the worst in modern cinematic torture, I feel qualified to make the bold assertion that "Troll 2" is the cream of that particular crop.

From its laugh-inducing soundtrack (apparently recorded using only a vintage 1980s Casio keyboard) to its unilaterally awful acting, "Troll 2" is a life-changing experience, similar to the Middle Ages' trials by fire. If you succeed at ingesting this festering piece of cinematic detritus in one sitting, you will emerge a new person, like a phoenix rising from its own ashes. The watching itself may be painful, but it is ultimately worth the pain to be able to say, with conviction, "I survived 'Troll 2,' and I'm still technically alive."

The special effects in this movie are, indeed, special -- like a one-legged blind woman with Alzheimer's. Trivia: one of the various Emmanuelles from the infamous "Emmanuelle" series of soft-core porno movies designed this movie's pitiful costumes. That should give you some indication of their quality.

The acting -- my God, where do I start? Suffice it to say that, if you set any cast member on fire, I would lay down even money that he or she would have a hard time convincing onlookers that it hurt. They're really that bad. More trivia: One of Elliot's "boys" in this movie would later go on to reprise his role (Disposable Character in Bad Movie) in the Lou Diamond Phillips classic "Bats." Even more trivia: The father in this movie was a local dentist, and most of the extras were bona fide Utah residents, as well. Talk about low-budget.

Back to the soundtrack -- There's not a single scene in the movie where the music is appropriate to the on-screen action. I get the impression that the "composer" employed for this stinker was, in fact, a failed auditioner for Def Leppard's still-vacant keytarist position. Seriously, it's rare, even in straight-to-video dogs like this one, to hear music of this woeful caliber.

What more can I say that hasn't already been set forth in previous reviews? This is the worst movie I have ever seen, and that's saying something. It's physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausting to watch this film -- I recommend doing it alone, at least the first time you see it...that way, you can concentrate on its truly majestic badness -- and on feeling your brain cells die off, one by one, until you are no longer able to speak.

Good luck to you, if you decide to watch this one. It doesn't get any worse than "Troll 2."

ADDENDUM (October 2007): This is still the worst movie of all time. Its status as such will never change. "Troll 2" is simply the perfect storm of bad writing, casting, direction, cinematography, costuming, score, makeup, effects, acting, editing, and inspiration.

UPDATE (June 2010): I just watched it again. Alone. In one sitting. God help me, some component of my brain must be fundamentally defective.

POSTSCRIPT (September 2013): This film continues to alter the life of each man, woman, and child with the good fortune/taste to bathe in its glory. I could not recommend it more strongly.

CODA (February 2021): This magnum opus infests my soul still. Daily, I am haunted by its indelible essence. I will never escape.

Imagine....some really bored media students who have rented a motor-home and have loads of popcorn to be used. Then imagine a film where those are the most expensive things in it. This is that film. Troll 2 - yet has no troll. Just goblins. But hey. The first time I saw this, I wished I had been wearing a nappy or sitting on a very big sponge, it is that funny. Personally, I could not get up from rolling around on the floor, nor the people I was with, although they had it worse, as they kept falling off the bed. Unfortunately, it is funny without meaning to be, simply because it is that bad. It seems to just have people dragged in from the street in the leading roles, which could well be true. Maybe somebody was very drunk when they decided to make this film. Or when they made it. Or when they went ahead with all the stages of production. Just possibly. Anyway, it is hilarious. I got my DVD copy for £2. That says it all really I would say. Watch this film if you want to see: neon-coloured food, children in masks and dressed in sacks charging around a forest set to a dodgy 1990-theme, awful make up, worse acting, even worse dialogue, the funniest yokels ever (including Sheriff Freak - 'nuff said) and the mightiest weapon ever seen in any film ever. Go on, watch it. Best laugh of my life, could be yours too.

My sister made me watch this. She insisted it was a contagion, a disease she was compelled to spread. After seeing it, I truly understand, relate, and recommend.

It's awful! But a transcendent awfulness...you want to pass it around like milk that might be spoiled, but everyone needs to test it anyway.

I've never laughed so much at something that isn't even trying to be remotely comedic; it's a travesty.

I'm not surprised there are drinking games built around it, but you'll be more than amused watching it sober.Yes, it's that bad! But fun - you want to see it over and over again, and force other people to watch it too. Rent it on a particularly bad day: you'll forget everything irritating in your life, and be weirdly involved in a world of badly-clad midgets; suddenly wondering if baloney sandwiches or urine could possibly be the solution... If you vote, give it a one - it truly deserves the recognition of being one of the worst movies ever.

Written and directed by Claudio Fragrasso, a name that any self-respecting fan of bad films should be aware of, Troll 2 is a logic-free mess that features absolutely no trolls (vegetarian goblins, yes; trolls, no!), costumes by Laura Gemser (a woman who knows a lot about taking clothes off, but seemingly very little about designing them), bad 80s hair and fashion, a goblin queen by the name of Creedence Leonore Gielgud (who scrubs up rather nice and seduces a bloke with a cob of corn), lousy special effects and make-up, one of the most irritating child 'actors' of all time, and a crazy finalé that sees good triumph over evil with the help of a double-decker bologna sandwich and a rock from Stonehenge (quite what that is doing in Utah, I'll never know!).

Whilst there is no doubt that Troll 2 is a technically very poor film, I'm not entirely convinced that it deserves it's current position of number 59 on the IMDb bottom 100. I've seen tons of films that I have enjoyed far less than Troll 2—films with seemingly no redeeming qualities whatsoever, the celluloid equivalent of Ketamine; at least this one provides plenty of unintentional laughs and is so utterly bizarre in places that it kept me watching to the bitter end. Surely that's gotta be worth a rating of at least a 3/10?

P.S. If you should find yourself struggling to finish the film, there are always the Troll 2 drinking games to make things a little less painful; I suggest taking a shot every time piggy-nosed brat Joshua mentions his Grandpa Seth—you'll be plastered in no time!