Miami Golem

This budget-starved Italian action/sci-fi hybrid features David Warbeck as a Miami reporter who is chosen by the ghosts of the people of Atlantis (!) to stop an evil businessman (Academy Award nominee John Ireland) from using a telepathic fetus grown using spores from an asteroid to rule the world. You got all that? Despite such a loopy plot, this is actually quite a bore and the RAIDERS OF ATLANTIS sneers at it with contempt. Honestly, the most (intentionally) creative thing about this flick is the slight reworking of Herbie Hancock's BEVERLY HILLS COP theme for the opening titles. The most unintentionally creative bit involves a scene in a lab that is inexplicably shown twice back-to-back. Perhaps director Alberto De Martino wanted to get all avant garde on us in the twilight of his career? I was going to declare this Ireland's worst film on his resume but then I saw SATAN'S CHEERLEADERS was listed on there. I would also like to safely declare that I am probably the only person in the history of the world to do a double feature of this and Hitchcock's VERTIGO.

Unimpressive import in the action/horror subgenre. Take note that the "action" is of the exploding car and airboat variety typical of 80s testosteroni and cheese flicks. As for the "horror"...that would be a fetal baby with heavy mascara in a pickling jar, supposedly a reality-bending alien who's extracted DNA sample is of great interest to the criminal underworld. The blink of of nudity we're offered is of the leading lady...her rack is pretty smokin', but she's otherwise at the ass-end of average, with a butch lesbian haircut.

In one especially hilarious and unbelievable drop-of-the-ball, there's a lengthy scene which twice-consecutively repeats itself for absolutely no reason at all. The most easily-detectable flub imaginable actually made it through the post-production stage of this floundering hunk-o'-junk, unless it happens to be a blooper specific to the particular video release I endured...in any case, it's a mind-blowing gaffe.

Another impotent selection from the late David Warbeck's woefully disconsonant filmography. He was a fine actor sadly choked in weak material, and his presence signifies the sole point of distinction in this torpid little bootless errand.

3.5/10. Awesome title, at any rate.

My review was written in April 1988 after watching the film on Twin Tower video cassette.

Previously titled "Cosmos Killer" and "Miami Golem", "Miami Horror" is the belated video release of a 1985 Italian horror pic. Disappointing treatment wastes an interesting sci-fi plot line, further done in by bad dubbing.

British thesp David Warbeck plays a tv reporter, reminiscent of Edward Judd in the classic "The Day the Earth Caught Fire", who's covering the story of scientists studying the origins of life by cloning bacteria from meteorites. Gangsters led by John Ireland steal the bacterial culture, which they plan to develop into a superhuman, alien being.

Script injects equal parts sci-fi and mysticism, as Warbeck is befriended by pretty Laura Trotter, who links a weird message he has received to Martians, Atlantis and the ancient Etruscans. Ultimately she concludes that we're being warned by folks from a different dimension of another universe to cool it with these dangerous genetic experiments. The culture develops into a fetus and then a monster baby (nice special effects by Sergio Stivaletti) called a golem. Disappointing ending features a spaceship as well.

Pic doesn't hold together; it needed a few more rewrites and a bigger budget. There is some okay location footage in Florida but not enough special effects.

Greetings And Salutations, and welcome to my review of Miami Golem; here's the breakdown of my ratings:

Story: 1.00 Direction: 1.00 Pace: 1.00 Acting: 0.75 Enjoyment: 0.75

TOTAL: 4.50 out of 10.00

So along comes another David Warbeck movie. Boy, this guy had the bad luck to end up in third-rate flicks. Unfortunately, that also goes for Miami Golem.

The story that Gianfranco Clerici, Vincenzo Mannino, and Alberto De Martino delivered to the audience had plenty of scope to be intriguing and engaging. And though they provide a few of those elements, they missed out on opportunities and fluffed a few of the ones they included. The concept of growing an alien from an unknown substance found in a meteorite is magnificent and completely human. Unleash the monster, then stand there stupified as you ask yourself, what have I done? But the trouble with the story rears its ugly head early in the narrative. Why is there only a tycoon after the living alien goo? If it's that important, where are all the guards? Why aren't any governments involved? It's illogical, even when it's explained. Sadly, the irrationality doesn't stop there. The writers introduce us to Joanna Fitzgerald, who can decrypt ancient Atlantian and may not be fully human. Though, it doesn't stop reporter Craig Milford from frigging in her rigging. There's also a mysterious bloke who may be an alien mobile phone as he receives messages from the final frontier. It would have strengthed the story along with the characters had the writers fleshed them out more. In fact, most of the characters needed extra pizazz, but none more than Milford. For a lead character, he's pretty uninteresting - but that could be down to David Warbeck's portrayal.

Martino also directed the movie and, in some ways, did a worse job than with the writing. With the story, he tried to make things fascinating and provocative. Regrettably, he sticks to the tried and tested point-and-shoot style. There's little in the way of inventiveness. His style is the epitome of averageness. However, he attempts to vary the film's flow, especially when we get to the action sequences, but they marginally miss their mark.

The performances are a mix of passable and woeful. Sadly, Warbeck's impassive performance as Milford hinders the movie most. I felt sorry for Laura Trotter because it must have been like playacting a love scene with a 2x4 plank. Martino must have noted his apathy because in the segment where he talks to himself - sorry, an alien caricature of himself - Martino removed the camera from the false Milford. This way, the viewers couldn't mistake one for the other.

Miami Golem isn't a movie I'd quickly recommend to either the Horror or Sc-Fi fans. It's so average and carelessly written that it renders it a leave-your-brain-at-the-door film that is better watched with your sarcastic mates after you've supped a bevvy or three.

Listen! No good will come of growing that alien organism in that test tube, so come here and study my IMDb lists - Absolute Horror and The Final Frontier to see where I ranked Miami Golem - or to find a better movie to watch.

Take Care & Stay Well.

A humanoid fetus, cloned from DNA found in a meteorite and nurtured in a petri dish, is stolen from a scientific institute by industrialist John Ireland. Somehow, he will use it to control the world's financial markets. Beings from "ancient Atlantis" recruit a cynical TV reporter (David Warbeck) to recapture it. Warbeck joins forces with alien Laura Trotti (a.k.a. Laura Trotter) to infiltrate Ireland's laboratory fortress and steal the creature.

Except for shots of a disintegrating animal carcass, Sergio Stivaletti's special effects are laughable. The golem fetus looks like a slimy peanut at first, and later resembles Yoda's demented brother. Warbeck deserves a pat on the back for enduring the script, which calls for him to shoot down a helicopter using a teeny pistol and say stuff like, "It's not every day that I get to meet somebody from outer space."