Cyclone: A Máquina de Combate

Wow! Fred Olen Ray outdid himself with the casting of Cyclone.

We get Russ 'Satan's Sadists' Tamblyn, Jeffrey 'Re-Animator' Combs, Martine 'Prehistoric Women' Beswick, Robert 'Count Yorga' Quarry, Huntz 'Sach' Hall, Martin 'Bela Lugosi' Landau, Troy 'I Know What You Did' Donahue, and Heather, er, 'Dukes of Hazzard' Thomas, all in one movie!

The story is ridiculous and the movie is unwatchable, but who cares!

(57%) A very 1980's mid-budget sci-fi actioner featuring the very lovely Heather Thomas in a role that sees her take on criminal Martin Landau using her boyfriend's (Jeffrey Combs) super high-tec motorbike equipped with a laser-beam armed helmet and some rockets. And that's it for story. But this is still an enjoyable watch as the pacing is brisk and there aren't many fun action movies like this with a female lead. There are some quite cool and well handled moments, and the action is never below normal decent standards. Anyone in the mood for some long forgotten, yet still very watchable entertainment from the 1980's should give this a go.

When a movie shows two beautiful, sweaty women working out in a gym (with the camera emphasizing their arms and cleavage) BEFORE the opening credits are even over, it's on the right track. When it shows one of those women (the super-sexy Heather Thomas) kicking a$$ within the first 10 minutes, it deserves applause. Sure, the plot is so thin that it feels stretched-out even at just 82 minutes, and the "comic relief" of two inept cops is not very funny, but on the whole "Cyclone" is an enjoyable B action movie, with some spectacular car and motorcycle stunts (considering the budget). Also notable is the strong female presence, with no fewer than 4 women (2 good and 2 bad) getting into the action, and if you're thinking "there must be a Climactic Catfight"....you are right! Cult actors Jeffrey Combs and Martin Landau have fairly brief roles, Landau does get the last line in the film though (and it's a funny one). (**1/2)

Teri Marshall (Heather Thomas) finds herself in a world of nefarious Government and bad guy types after her inventor boyfriend Rick Davenport (Jeffrey Combs) is murdered. Seems everyone is after his invention Cyclone, a $5 million dollar motorbike with stealth technology. Of course, Rick expected this and delivers a post-death message to Teri to get the motorbike to the only G-man (Troy Donahue) he can trust. The big chase is on with CIA agents Waters (Martine Beswick) and Knowles (Robert Quarry) and baddies Rolf (Dar Robinson) and Hanna (Dawn Wildsmith) in pursuit. And Martin Landau figures in here somewhere as the main bad guy. More Fred Olen Ray madness here and this film is a marked improvement over his earlier stuff. By that I mean it looks like an actual film with decent cinematography. It is still pretty low budget though with cheap sets and a almost-but-not-quite futuristic bike design. The leads are decent and I noticed Combs - like Peter Cushing before him - has an insane talent for making techno-babble sound 100% believable. You also get a gaggle of ex-stars who mostly likely were around for a few days in supporting roles. Donahue has one scene while Landau gets three. All of the big action is saved for the finale and there are two really cool car stunts there. Of course, the film's biggest leap of faith isn't the stealth bike. My friend Marty summed it up best when he said: "As implausible as this thriller is, the biggest stretch is that sexy blonde Thomas, first seen hitting the Nautilus machine in a bust-bursting Spandex outfit, would be dating dorky scientist Combs."

Not too long ago, I saw a movie and in seeing it I thought I had witnessed the worst movie in history, but I couldnt be more wrong. This is in fact, the worst movie every. Let me tell you right off if you like guys wearing mullets, women with overteased hair, and terrible acting thrown on top like some type of sadistic cherry this is your movie! I struggled through the movie saying to myself over and over; "I am not a quiter!" I found the plot, worthless, the acting even worse, and the whole story line to drag on. I hated the whole movie and with good reason. How are you suppose to take a bad guy seriously when he is wearing lowcut Italian boots? (white haired guy) The one redeeming thing about this movie is the laser helmet. If I had that thing I would walk around baking everyone. So I have begun to construct my own.