- Douglas Brackman, Jr.: I'm more like my father than I thought. I wanted to be the lawyer he was, the man he was. Turns out we both just like to cheat on our wives.
- Stuart Markowitz: Don't underestimate me, I'm amazing with mums. When I was at High School all of them had crushes on me, it was the daughters I had trouble with.
- Leland McKenzie: [settling an argument during a staff meeting] It's time you people remember whose name is at the top of the letterhead!