Click - O Retrato do Crime

Take one part "Eyes of Laura Mars" ripoff (photographer shoots models in kinky violent situations, then somebody starts killing the models) plus one part even cheesier "Psycho" imitation (transvestite killer with major mommy issues), add terrible dialogue, enormous 80s teased hair, opening/closing credits with tacky girls-'n'-guns imagery, choppy/sloppy grade-C film-making, and....Well, let's just say this might strike you as one of the stupidest/funniest films ever made, IF you're watching with friends and have had a few drinks. Otherwise, it's campy enough for dedicated bad-movie aficionados but not quite enough to be an outright camp classic. There's no violence, gore or nudity (unless bikinis count) until all ridiculous hell breaks loose in the last half hour, and even then those elements are pretty feeble. But it's all so ineptly sleazy you might not mind.

To "Plan Nine From Outer Space" and "Robot Monster", we can safely add this lot of trash as one of the worst movies ever made. I read the reviews of this movie before I actually watched it. This was so I would be prepared and could compare my thoughts with those of other who have gone before me. Having read others' comments, I wasn't expecting much and I certainly wasn't disappointed. I paid 99 cents for the DVD of this rubbish in a bargain bin sale. Alas, I was ripped off!! Seriously though, this movie is so bad, it's a must see. I haven't been allowed to post this comment because it didn't contain enough lines. So, I'll just say that it's a shocker.

John

Average. Action and T, & A. Plenty of early 20's girls, fashion models. The sounds of all the guns (and some explosions) were strangely soothing to me. You would call this mindless entertainment. As far as caring about the characters; you don't mind if they get killed.

CLICK: THE CALENDAR GIRL KILLER opens with beautiful, oily women in barely-there bikinis, brandishing knives and guns while striking various poses. This is pretty much the way it goes in this movie, with more photoshoots with increasingly bigger guns.

Is that a flamethrower? Where did they find so many gorgeous women with soap bubbles between their ears? Hey! There's a chainsaw! Here come the machineguns!

Meanwhile, a killer prepares to relieve these vacuous women of their exciting lives.

This is a hilariously silly movie about the hazards of calendar modeling. The actual murders take forever to get rolling, but the rest is such absurd brilliance that it hardly matters! Nonsensical situations merge with muddle-headed dialogue to produce this cinematic wonder.

THIS MENAGERIE ALSO INCLUDES: #1- Pirate chicks with eyepatches and double-barreled pistols! #2- A watermelon! #3- Cavemen! #4- A finale pitting a Fonzie lookalike against the world's burliest nurse!

Watch immediately!...

There's no denying the fact that a B movie centered around the model photography industry could be a sleazy and enjoyable time. Unfortunately, this particular effort ends up being pretty much a complete waste of time. There's evidence at the beginning that this was a troubled production, with two people credited as director and six people credited with the screenplay. Whatever happened behind the scenes resulted in this being a very boring movie. The killings don't start until more than half the movie has gone by, and the kills themselves aren't very explicit for the most part. Speaking of explicit, what you might be expecting to see in this movie - sex and nudity - well, there's hardly any of that stuff at all. Also, there's no real story until the killings start - until then, it's just one scene after another that serves no real purpose. The production values are terrible, with soft and murky photography, poorly recorded dialogue, and annoying background noise. Oh, I guess there are a few unintended laughs here and there, and there is an impressive stunt by someone on a motorcycle, but other than that, this movie is a complete waste of time. And a message to the person who, in less than a 24 hour period voted that four of my comments of other awful Crown-International films were not "helpful" - justify your opinion of those awful movies by contacting me, or by posting your own comments!