Click - O Retrato do Crime

CLICK: THE CALENDAR GIRL KILLER is a late-entry instalment for those purveyors of schlock, Crown International Pictures, and it's an extremely poor film. Sloppily made, written in a hurry, with unbelievable characters and ridiculous situations. However, it's also entertaining in a so-bad-it's-good kind of way, which means that it's much better than the majority of Crown's output.

The plot is some throwback to the old PSYCHO routine with a hidden villain struggling with multiple personality syndrome. Along the way, a number of nubile young women - who end up either undressed or parading around in their underwear - are offed in not particularly gory ways.

CLICK has little that horror or slasher fans won't have seen before, but there are fun performances from the likes of Troy Donahue and in particular Ross Hagen, and it's hard to dislike those cheesy performances. In fact, with Hagen also contributing to the direction and script, it must have been a labour of love for the actor, and it shows.

I got this movie as part of set of eight movies I paid four bucks for, so keep in mind I'm probably going to be overly generous to it (Whatever you do, do not waste more than 50 cents trying to see this). The movie is basically about a deranged transvestite nurse killing bimbo models during a closed fashion shoot in the California desert. But is the nurse connected to the deranged, violence-obsessed photographer who's putting on the shoot? Well, I don't want to ruin it, but it ruins itself pretty well.

The movie starts with a gratuitous nude scene, and for that matter, a completely completely gratuitous appearance by former Playboy Playmate Dona Speir. She completely disappears afterwards though when the action shifts out to the desert. There's plenty of other bimbos to be had, however, including future "Baywatch" babe Traci Dali. I have to wonder about the reviewers who say these girls are "unattractive"--if they happen to be personally dating MORE attractive girls than these, then they're definitely wasting their time reviewing crap movies on the internet. The girls are definitely very sexy both in and out of their skimpy bikinis, but--trust me here--this movie has absolutely NOTHING else going for it. Has-been matinée idol Troy Donahue and never-really-was character actor Ross Hagen are functional at best. The plot is generic and stupid. The visuals are cheap and uninspired. And the music is downright execrable.

This might be worth seeing for fifty cents, but it's definitely not worth a penny more.

Average. Action and T, & A. Plenty of early 20's girls, fashion models. The sounds of all the guns (and some explosions) were strangely soothing to me. You would call this mindless entertainment. As far as caring about the characters; you don't mind if they get killed.

CLICK: THE CALENDAR GIRL KILLER opens with beautiful, oily women in barely-there bikinis, brandishing knives and guns while striking various poses. This is pretty much the way it goes in this movie, with more photoshoots with increasingly bigger guns.

Is that a flamethrower? Where did they find so many gorgeous women with soap bubbles between their ears? Hey! There's a chainsaw! Here come the machineguns!

Meanwhile, a killer prepares to relieve these vacuous women of their exciting lives.

This is a hilariously silly movie about the hazards of calendar modeling. The actual murders take forever to get rolling, but the rest is such absurd brilliance that it hardly matters! Nonsensical situations merge with muddle-headed dialogue to produce this cinematic wonder.

THIS MENAGERIE ALSO INCLUDES: #1- Pirate chicks with eyepatches and double-barreled pistols! #2- A watermelon! #3- Cavemen! #4- A finale pitting a Fonzie lookalike against the world's burliest nurse!

Watch immediately!...

Take one part "Eyes of Laura Mars" ripoff (photographer shoots models in kinky violent situations, then somebody starts killing the models) plus one part even cheesier "Psycho" imitation (transvestite killer with major mommy issues), add terrible dialogue, enormous 80s teased hair, opening/closing credits with tacky girls-'n'-guns imagery, choppy/sloppy grade-C film-making, and....Well, let's just say this might strike you as one of the stupidest/funniest films ever made, IF you're watching with friends and have had a few drinks. Otherwise, it's campy enough for dedicated bad-movie aficionados but not quite enough to be an outright camp classic. There's no violence, gore or nudity (unless bikinis count) until all ridiculous hell breaks loose in the last half hour, and even then those elements are pretty feeble. But it's all so ineptly sleazy you might not mind.