L.A. Heat

I saw this movie on one of the cable channels today...don't get me wrong, I am a huge fan of 80's culture and movies. But this was absolutely the most horrid, cheesy, poorly acted, disgrace of a film I have ever witnessed. As I watched it, I felt myself cringing at almost every aspect of the film.

Every actor looked as though they had no experience. The sets were cheesy. The music was awful.

If I could have rated it a "0", I would have. Just terrible.

There is a reason that you have seen almost no one from this film in anything of consequence...it is because having taken part in it probably stained their career forever. If you are ever bored and find yourself entered in a "Find the worst film ever made" contest, do yourself a favor and check this one out. You will not be disappointed in its failures.

I'm sure all of you remember Lawrence Hilton-Jacobs, right? Yes, he was the man who made a name for himself starring as Freddie "Boom Boom" Washington in the TV hit sitcom, "Welcome Back, Kotter" back in the 1970s. Recently, LHJ has just attempted to make a name for himself in the B-movie market as evident in such works as L.A. VICE (1989), QUIETFIRE (1991, his best film to date), and the original L.A. HEAT...

In the city of Los Angeles, California, no one is to be trusted. No one really knows who are the true good guys and bad guys. Detective Jon Chance (Lawrence Hilton-Jacobs) on the other hand, always dreamt of being a cowboy hero, living by the "code of the West." He always pictured himself as an exemplary hero who always felt that the use of guns was not a necessity. However, Chance needs to stop dreaming. He must return back to reality!

Chance's assignment (and he has no choice but to accept it) is to capture this mean faced drug dealer called Clarence (Kevin Benton). This assignment has escalated into a personal vendetta for this vice detective when Chance's partner, Carl (Vince Inneo) is murdered by this nefarious drug dealer during a routine drug bust. The predicament gets even worse when, during a second undercover stakeout, several more cops are fatally shot. A drug war ensues between Clarence, who is trying to retrieve his drugs and money, and the police, who are out to avenge the loss of their men...

An authoritative police Captain (Jim Brown) enters the scene, disappointed at the lack of results Chance is able to materialize. Jon Chance is down-on-his-luck. The Captain gives Chance 72 more hours to apprehend Clarence or else...it's his badge and dignity that are on the line...

To complicate the situation even more, Chance must deal with a small-time drug dealer named Spyder (Myles Thoroughgood). Spyder requests to Chance that he must exterminate a pitiless mob boss named Sylvio (Robert Gallo). In exchange for this favor, Spyder may or may not be able to help Chance find Clarence. Chance is obsessed with arresting Clarence, but in these modern times, every step could be his last. He must remember not to make any rash moves. Meanwhile, Chance also learns that the boys with badges may be the ones behind this conspiracy...

Chance declares a one-man war against corruption in the streets...and in the police department.

L.A. HEAT is possibly the first PM Entertainment movie to include "name" actors such as Lawrence Hilton-Jacobs and Jim Brown. This movie also makes use of the seedy locations of Los Angeles. Quite frankly though, this low budget thriller has many problems. This movie starts off extremely well, but for reasons unknown, this movie starts meandering a bit too much. For one, the characters spend too much time just standing around and being idle. They also enjoy arguing and grousing towards each other too. While some of the dialogue is needed to advance the movie's plot, much of the inane one-liners and irrelevant conversations could be deleted just for the sake of picking up this movie's arduously slow pace.

Though this movie moves at a gratuitously sluggish pace, what L.A. HEAT lacks in energy, it compensates that fault with a raw sense of humor. Some of the welcome dialogue is intentionally funny, especially in the beginning when Chance converses with his partner. It's also funny to hear these people, both cops and criminals, curse at each other's throats.

Believe it or not, the script does allow for character development. The dream sequence in the beginning is effective, providing an insight about Chance's character. Kevin Benton's high-spirited performance as a lady-loving drug dealer with an animadversion towards cops gives this film some texture. Pat Johnson contributes adequate work as Chance's love interest and Myles Thoroughgood is good as a deceptive delinquent.

It's hard to believe that this movie was directed by the legendary Joseph Merhi, the same guy who hailed masterful pieces of art such as RAGE (1995), and LAST MAN STANDING (1996). L.A. HEAT is enjoyable, considering the lack of action, but it's low budget places this film at a major disadvantage. This film needs more action. Otherwise, it would have been much more acceptable as a superficial time-killer. Then again...could the PM guys just please get rid of that annoying high-pitched voice which sang that disruptive theme song!

Think you can handle the heat...the L.A. HEAT? Well, L.A. HEAT is worth watching only once. Then stash this film away where you will never again be reminded of the burden and boredom you have suffered through watching this movie. This movie is exploitative junk aimed for the crowd who likes these type of films. This movie though is a well-meaning effort from Joseph Merhi, but it is just too mundane for my tastes. It is followed by a not-so-needed sequel, L.A. VICE (which had better action, but weaker performances). This sequel was made within a year. Go figure.

Now, back to Lawrence Hilton-Jacobs. Will LHJ become a household name after starring in a few B-movies? Probably not, but he will be back. (As a matter of fact, LHJ fans, this actor is lucky enough to have appeared in Mya's recent video, "My First Night With You." Believe your eyes when you see LHJ featured there as Mya's father.)

RATING: ** out of **** (For effort.)

My review was written in January 1989 after watching the film on Raedon video cassette.

Jim Brown fans will be happy to see him back in straight-ahead fashion -after the self-spoofing of "I'm Gonna Git You Sucka" -in "L. A. Heat", an okay made-for-video feature.

Pic benefits from an earnest performance by Lawrence-Hilton Jacobs as cop Jon Chance, who's having plenty of trouble with his captain (Brown) over a drug case.

Actually Chance dreams of being a Wild West gunfighter (illustrated in fantasy inserts), but Brown keeps giving him deadlines to catch the violent dealer (Kevin Benton) who's making fools out of the L. A. police.

Trademark exploding blood-packs (by Judy YHonemoto) punctuate Joseph Merhi's B-picture. Tech credits are acceptable, though the sound recording is a bit rough and ready.

This film either gets one star based on objective merit, or ten stars on how well it infringes on the rarefied thin air of Ed Woodish pretensions to greatness. I mean, I think it tried to be good. Everybody seemed pretty earnest. But what a POS.

I saw this movie a while back, but just saw it again on Action Channel. Missed the classic beginning chase. Comments follow on what I did catch this time around...

This movie is like a lesson on how not to make a movie. Major points of incompetence...

EDITING: Typical scene starts off with a coffee pot on a kitchen counter. Girlfriend walks into scene, gets a mug and glass from the cupboard, pours a coffee, then opens fridge to fill glass with orange juice, then walks out of frame. Empty kitchen. Continuous shot, static camera. What's the point? Why did we have to see this? For real, I was actually starting to fall asleep.

Over and over we see an empty room, characters walk in, barely ever a cutaway during conversation (and usually to a person not speaking???), then characters leave, and we see an empty room again. Why? About eight consolidated minutes of empty room shots. What the hell.

CINEMATOGRAPHY: There's this scene where Jacobs sneaks up on his girlfriend on the couch. Lazy ass director/DP never moves the camera. So the whole time the girl is talking to Jacobs, you only see the side/back of her head via this wacky low-angle shot that is dominated by a couch...the bottom part of the couch. In another scene where this mobster is talking to his girlfriend (just before he kills her!), there are weird stick-like shadows all over his face. Didn't anyone notice this during filming?

AUDIO: Frankly, I never clearly heard the director comments others have noted because he was drowned out by other ambient noise. Noises like feet shuffling, traffic, airplanes flying overhead. Makes you really appreciate the sound design on auto dealership commercials, etc., where you hear the talent and only the talent.

ACTION SEQUENCES: Hard to believe this film is a contemporary of Hard Boiled. In one ambush scene, three killers with M-16's and Uzis fire a total of five shots, sequentially, of course. One of the bloodpacks doesn't blow, so you just see this wad of white fabric explode out of one victim's shirt. Just before they're shot, all the actors look like you do when you're going to pop a balloon, stiff and all, cus you know the bang is coming. One of the urban gangster killers then actually slings his M-16 before hopping off the backyard deck. Surreal.

WRITING: There are too many inexplicable nonsense scenes, like when the urban gangster punks bust into the cop's house and play darts with the lights off. Huh? Was ist das? It's like, wow, maybe i did fall asleep because this stuff is so complex. I don't understand!

Actual dialogue sample from another scene: "I'm gonna cut you, man!"

Eh, all the rest is on a similar level. The actors seemed into it, as if they cared, but the performances were bad. I guess you gotta lay that on the director. So there: horrible, lazy DIRECTION. As actors, only Jacobs seemed to mail it in, but I think he was trying to play his character just a bit too cool, so it just seemed like he was sleepwalking. His name is in the end credits like six times, so he must've made an effort.

After watching this, you will want to buy a handycam just to prove anybody off the street could do better. And, yes, you would.

In 1989 to 1990, Lawrence Hiton-Jacobs starred in three movies as detective Jon Chance: CHANCE, L.A. VICE, and L.A. HEAT. All three of these movies were also early efforts by the studio PM Entertainment. If you've seen any of the other Jon Chance movies - or any PM Entertainment movies made during this same period - I think you'll have a good idea what to expect with this movie. The production values are unbelievably low - it looks like they shot on videotape and transferred it to film. A lot of dialogue was obviously looped in post-production. The script and direction are awful; scenes end abruptly before the viewers get all the information they need, the dream sequences are goofy in nature, and for the longest time the story comes to a complete halt and the characters do nothing important at all. There is an occasional chuckle from the utter lameness, but for the most part the movie is painful to watch. If you do decide to watch the movie, beware of the DVD - the DVD manufacturer used a TV print of the movie, which not only results with all the foul language being bleeped out, but with some video glitches. Obviously, quality control was not a high priority for the DVD manufacturer, though seeing the movie one can understand why.