Hotel do Terror

David Hassellhoff seemed to be lost in this film, not because it was a bad movie, but because it was so far from his days in knight rider, well only a few years, maybe his cash was drying up and he needed a top up, and Linda Blair, well you only have to look at her whatever movie she is in and the Exorcist comes flooding back. But even still this film was pretty good, and was still quite entertaining, especially the scene where the nagging old hag gets her mouth stitched together, and as if that was not enough is left dangling upside down in a chimney over a burning fireplace, just ignore the fuzzy picture and take it for what it is, A low budget gore feast.

A group of people are stranded at an isolated hotel by an evil witch (Hildegard Knef) who possesses them and kills them. I don't understand why the rating for this film is so low on IMDB. It's well made by the standards of the horror genre and featuring a good performance by Knef, some seriously scary scenes, and good effects. It is however unrelently mean and cruel. Unrated; Extreme Violence, Rape, and Profanity.

That movie has been produced and directed by the same people, who enriched the world of cinema with such masterpieces, as Troll 2, The Crawlers... Well, although this movie is not THAT horrible and ridiculous, as Troll 2 and Crawlers, although special effects (done by the same italian "Greg Cannom" (Mrs. Doubtfire, Bram Stocker´s Dracula, Titanic, etc.) Maurizio Trani, who have done some poor FX for Troll 2 and Crawlers, this movie stinks anyway. It´s a low-budget hilarity, where the characters behave as nobody would in real life. It also contains some episodes from the first part of this masterpiece (Casa 3, or Ghosthouse (1987), and which is in no way better. All these four movies were produced by an ultra low-budget company Filmirage. By the way, they had used the SAME score in Crawlers and in Witchery! What a shame!

An Italian/American co-production co-starring Linda Blair and David 'The Hoff' Hasselhoff: how could any fan of trashy horror resist such a treat?

Well, based on the uneventful, extremely tedious, and utterly nonsensical first forty minutes or so, I would have said 'very easily'; thankfully, however, things do eventually get a tad more entertaining with the introduction of several inventive death scenes, and for those lucky enough to find an uncut copy, a smattering of nudity too (unfortunately, my copy was optically edited to remove such offensive material).

The Hoff stars as Gary, a photographer who accompanies his beautiful girlfriend Leslie (Leslie Cumming) to a run-down hotel on a seemingly deserted island in order to take pictures for her latest project, a book about witches; whilst there, frustrated Gary also hopes to try and cure a bad case of blue balls by relieving Leslie of her virginity.

His plans for nookie are scuppered, however, by the unexpected arrival of property developers Freddie and Rose Brooks (Robert Champagne and Annie Ross), their pregnant daughter Jane (Blair), son Tommy (Michael Manchester), pretty nymphomaniac architect Linda Sullivan (Catherine Hickland), and estate agent Jerry (Rick Farnsworth), who have come to inspect the island's hotel.

After explaining their unexpected presence on the island, Gary and Leslie are welcomed by the property's new owners, and when a violent storm suddenly picks up, making it perilous to return to the mainland, everyone agrees to spend the night in the old building. Unfortunately, unbeknownst to the hotel's new guests, the place is also home to the spirit of an evil witch (Hildegard Knef), who requires human sacrifices in order to bring herself back to life. One by one, victims are pulled into a swirling red vortex (which is guaranteed to provide unintentional laughs), before meeting a terrible fate.

None of this makes much sense, and the acting is atrocious (Manchester as Tommy is particularly bad, whilst Hasselhoff proves to be one of the better performers, which speaks volumes about the others), but those viewers who make it past the dreary first half are rewarded with some pretty decent moments of gore: Rose has her lips sewn together, before being roasted alive in a fireplace; Jerry is crucified and burnt alive; Linda is tortured by hags and impaled on a swordfish(!!); Freddie's veins pulsate and erupt in geysers of blood; and Gary gets stabbed in the back.

Oh, and Leslie is raped by a guy with no lips and Blair gets possessed (again).

Master thespian David Hasselhoff and his female equivalent Linda Blair team up with a chick who looks like Daphne Zuniga and a chick who looks like Christina Applegate and other assorted weirdos in this remake of And Then There Were None. This movie is so low budget I'm surprised they could afford a helicopter. Not to be missed.