- Richard Dice: Will somebody just listen for a second! I can't do this!
- Court Clerk: Why not?
- Richard Dice: It's absolutely crucial that I devote every day to my career!
- Court Clerk: Well, have you got a letter from your employer?
- Richard Dice: I could get a note from my mother.
- Richard Dice: I still remember her first words to me. I was 5, she was 11, I walked into the girls bathroom while she was getting undressed. She said "get out of here, you little pervert!" God, she was sophisticated. It took me years to figure out what that meant.
- Ruth: Donald had thrown her out, I'd moved in. She was out for blood!
- Molly Gilbert: Out for blood, YOU tried to run me down, Honey!
- Mrs. Evelyn Dice: I used to worry about my kids if they came home late at night. But today, as I saw my eldest son on the news exposed as a common criminal, I felt nothing.
- Richard Dice: Don't you see, mom, I've cracked the case!
- Mrs. Evelyn Dice: You're just plain cracked, Richard!
- Wally Finnegan: Kids a good target, though. He's gonna go far.
- Mrs. Evelyn Dice: Yeah, but he just might have to get towed the whole way.
- Molly Gilbert: Wait a second! You're not the little pervert from the girl's bathroom?
- Richard Dice: Yes! You remember me!
- Molly Gilbert: Hey, cut that out, kid, why'd you do that?
- Girl with Dart Rifle: You said he was a pervert!
- Molly Gilbert: Oh we were just reminiscing...