Black Roses: A Banda Maldita

Heavy metal band Black Roses puts on a series of shows in a small American town, much to the consternation of the adults, but to the delight of their young fans, who are unaware that their idols are in fact demons whose Satanic music causes listeners to commit acts of extreme violence.

If you're too young to remember, or weren't even born, it might be hard to believe just how popular heavy rock was back in the '80s. Men proudly grew their locks, sported leather and denim, and head-banged till their necks seized up. Girls put peroxide in their hair, glammed themselves up with plenty of makeup and strutted around in spandex leggings (actually, so did some of the blokes). The same decade also saw the cheesy horror film enjoying much success, with many movies forgetting all about logic in favour of crazy special effects laden chaos. Black Roses takes both metal and monster madness and combines them in a technically shoddy and often laughable movie that appears to enforce the outmoded notion that rock music is a corrupting influence on the young.

A great soundtrack (if hair metal is your thing), some cheap and cheerful monster effects and a spot of gratuitous female nudity go some way to making up for the lousy script, crap acting and seemingly denigrating anti-metal message, but in the end, it's just another disappointing rock/horror hybrid (see also Trick or Treat, Zombie Nightmare, Rock 'n' Roll Nightmare, Hard Rock Zombies and Shock 'Em Dead for more of the same).

Black Roses. Where to begin? First off, this movie is not for you if you cannot appreciate the comic genius that is a combination of bad metal music and massive mullets. Personally, I love bad movies and those two things have made [and broken] a great many movies for me. Black Roses is a beautiful melding of horrible acting, special effects that wouldn't have been impressive twenty years ago, and tons of terrible metal. Our Demonic band and their flamboyant frontman Damien [who is complete with a disappearing/reappearing mullet] use their music as a portal for evil! There are a great many unanswered questions come the end of the film, but if you are watching this film in the first place, chances are you're not in the market for a high-quality production. This is a great bad horror film, and a must-see for anyone who knows how funny mullets are.

7/10

[A few words on my rating system]

I review bad movies almost exclusively, that does not however mean that my rating system is inverted. A score of 1 denotes a film that is unbearable to watch, whereas a score of 10 epitomizes the best in the world of bad movies. A 5 is average, 6 connotes that there is something worthwhile, a 7 is a definate must-see for people who match the criteria that I will have listed in the review.

This film is campy, scary, and totally weird at the same time. I swear every horror fan must at least look at this film first, before making comments about it. The acting is average, the writing is average (i.e. one girl looks into a mirror and rubs her breasts for ten minutes (?)) But this film has a chilling reality to it that was probably appreciated more back when it was released in 1988. Teens killing their parents because they're possessed by the demons playing the rock music? Now that's got to be good!

Of note: Vincent Pastore ("The Sopranos" Salvatore "Big Pussy" Bonpensiero) in his first film saying one of the funniest damn quotes: "You wearing earings, kid? Only two kinda guys wear earings: pirates and homos. And I don't see a ship in the driveway!"

***out of****truly a memorably 80's horror film that went far beyond 80's slasher films that were everywhere at the time.

Famous glam rock band The Black Roses is booked to play their first (?) live shows at its hometown local high school. While all the teens are stoked that their favorite band chose their sleepy small town for their first ever live concert, the parents are less than enthused with The Black Roses and their seemingly demonic lead singer Damien. The teachers and mayor stick by "Free speech" while the parents protest. When the band shows up for the show, the PTA and other authoritative adults attend only to find a Michael Bolton type in a Don Johnson suit singing power ballads. They shrug their shoulders at this harmless lite-rocker and bolt for the exit. That's when Damien strips down to a kinkier outfit (think Cher in "If I Could Turn Back Time) and The Black Roses crank out the hard rock. The kids in the crowd go wild. When the band stays in town to do more three more shows, the kids' become increasingly zombie-like and violent. Their English teacher starts to think that maybe the PTA was right and the kids are becoming possessed by Leotarded Damien and his rocknroll.

John Fasano's follow up to his bizarrely awful "Rock & Roll Nightmare" doesn't fare that much better story-wise, but it's still sort of charming. It lacks the interesting visuals and characters of its predecessor, but makes up for that by adding more puppet-monster action. Nothing happens in the first half hour of the film, which has a really strange feeling, like it's a musical from the 50s instead of an 80s rocker movie. There's even a sequence where the bored lead teenager is trying to woo a girl by dancing around the street, from lamppost to lamppost, saying things like "Let's paint the town red!" The score is equally out-of-place for a movie about a demonic glam rock band. It sounds like something out of an 80s children's adventure movie. The special effects and puppetry are charming and one of the only things that kept my attention. Especially worth noting is a scene where future Soprano's star Vincent Pastore gets gobbled up by his stereo speakers. So while "Black Roses" isn't completely unwatchable, it isn't really a good movie and recommended for only those who really dig this type of thing.

I have to say this is one of my favorite "so bad its good" films. If you were a fan of heavy metal back in the '80's, you will probably enjoy this film. Now Black Roses does not have a particularly talented cast, the acting isn't so great but its pure entertainment. Its a strange film that is so full of bizarre moments. A girl standing in front of a photograph of the leader singer of the band rubbing her breasts for at least five minutes, the hilarious pirate comment that the father makes to the son who is wearing an earring. Zombie kids chanting in an auditorium. Not to mention a lot of murders. I really liked it.

Hilarious if you like cheesy horror films.