Adão e Eva: A Primeira História de Amor

What's in a title? The original Italian title translates as "The very first love story", but for the international export market, the sly distributors changed it into the much juicier and appealing "versus the Cannibals". Do Adam & Eve confront cannibals? Technically yes, but there's never any flesh-munching going on like in the film's more infamous cousins from Italy, like "Cannibal Holocaust" or "Cannibal Ferox".

This is basically a blatant Italian rip-off of the huge commercially successful "The Blue Lagoon", but then cleverly reprocessed into a Biblical saga with an overload of documentary stock footage of meteorological phenomena (representing God's creation and his wrath) and the endless bickering between two attractive and scantily clad young people. Adam is played by Mark Gregory, whom exploitation fanatics will recognize from "1990: Bronx Warriors" and "Thunder". Eve is depicted by Andrea Goldman, who never starred in anything before or after this film.

In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth, followed by light, water, whales and a whole load of other shizz. Eventually, he created man in his own image. In time, man created Hollywood, and not long after that, the Italians created rip-offs. Adam and Eve Meet The Cannibals is the Italian answer to American 'loss of innocence' movies like The Blue Lagoon (1980) and Paradise (1982), the film following its photogenic titular couple (played by Mark Gregory of Bronx Warriors 1&2, and Andrea Goldman of nothing else) as they struggle to survive after being cast out of the Garden of Eden for sampling the forbidden fruit.

The film is largely an excuse for directors Enzo Doria and Luigi Russo to show their stars in the buff; both Adam and Eve frolic buck naked, making this an equal opportunities exploitation flick—something for both men and women to enjoy. But being Italian rip-off movie-makers, they can't help but throw in lots of mind bogglingly daft nonsense, making their film an absolute hoot of biblical proportions. In addition to the copious nudity, viewers are also treated to a hilarious action scene inspired by Raiders of the Ark (a massive stop-motion boulder rolling after Adam and Eve in a display of pathetic special effects), a couple of dreadful animal attacks (a manky pterodactyl and a moth-eaten bear), a tribe of ape-men (and women), and, of course, the cannibals: a race of laughable pig-faced, ginger-haired creatures.

Obviously, this is far from great cinema, and not really deserving of a very high rating, but for those who enjoy unadulterated trash, Adam and Eve Meet The Cannibals is a must-see.

5.5/10 (rounded up to 6 for IMDb) for the bear and the prehistoric bird, and for Goldman, a terrible actress but very easy on the eye.

Adam and Eve (1983)

** 1/2 (out of 4)

God creates Adam (Mark Gregory) and then graces him with Eve (Andrea Goldman) but before long they are cast out of the Garden of Eden after Eve eats from the forbidden fruit. Soon the two are out on a crazy adventure that leads them through some dangerous places.

This here was released to American video shelves as ADAM AND EVE MEET THE CANNIBALS so that there should pretty much tell you everything you need to know. This here is 100% pure Italian exploitation and it's just a downright mind-numbing movie from start to finish. It's basically a version of THE BLUE LAGOON but we've got the story of Adam and Eve to tell but I seriously doubt the filmmakers were overly familiar with the Bible!

If you're wanting something to show the kiddies then this here certainly isn't that. No, this here is pure exploitation and it's downright hilarious at times. There are so many crazy things going on in this picture that it would be wrong for me to spoil all of them but if you're familiar with the genre then you already know that bad special effects don't stop them from making a movie. Just wait until you see the scene where a giant big attacks Adam and he has to fight it off. Even better is a beyond awful sequence where Eve is attacked by a bear and Adam and another man has to rescue her. The look of this bear is so crazy that you'll be wondering if someone slipped acid into your drink!

As you'd expect, we've got some really lame performances and the dubbing is pretty bad as well but there's really not too much dialogue. Instead we basically just see these two lovers go from one destination to the next and of course there's always some sort of drama. And yes, there are cannibals, ape creatures and a variety of other weird things on hand. The opening creation scene of Adam was actually well-done as was Eve's birth but on the whole there's really not much of anything "good" here.

Fans of bad cinema are really going to love watching this. It's certainly one of the craziest movies out there and as awful as it is, the thing always has something happening in it and it's certainly never boring. A must see for fans of Italian exploitation.

BLUE PARADISE starts off in the beginning of time when God created Earth and the heavens. Adam, a young man born from a life-sized cocoon, spends his days yearning for a mate to share his time with. He creates a statuesque figure of a woman made with beach sand, but when rain pours onto his creation it reveals a woman underneath (!!!). Don't ask. This is of course, Eve. In a nutshell, she is tempted to eat the forbidden fruit because "she wants a change", from here on out our duo are thrust into obstacle after obstacle facing natural disasters, badly animated boulders, pteradactyls, and even a savage tribe of flesh-eating cavemen! For a film of it's type BLUE PARADISE is rather tame. There's a bit of violence here and there, but that isn't the main focus like so many of these 70s/80s Italian exploitation films. A rather wild experience it is, far ahead of it's time with good direction, tolerable acting, fantastic music, plenty of bright, colorful characters, quirky situations, and quite a bit of comedy thrown in as well - Eve nagging and complaining, the stock footage, the "boulder" scene - LOL! Worth a look for fans of the psychotronic and unusual.

There are no carnivores in Eden, and Adam's (Mark Gregory) first son may very well have really been the offspring of Handsome Bearkiller (Angel Alcazar), a brief extramarital partner enjoyed by Eve (Andrea Goldman) during the pair's estrangement. Never having seen fighting or killing, the two are totally unprepared to defend themselves after being cast from Eden, and equally astonished to see animals and men feeding off each other. They make their first clothing not from leaves, but from a pterodactyl's wings, the first creature to attack them and the first creature they had to kill. These are some of the interesting "facts" depicted by this imaginative take on the first book of Genesis. It's not as silly as it sounds, the acting and action are really quite good and the different twists to the familiar tale will hold viewer interest while still retaining the Biblical link. The aforementioned Cro-Magnon warrior bearkiller (Angel Alcazar) really steals the show with his valiant ferocity and desire to appropriate the rather helpless Eve from her wimpy inept Adam.