Uma Professora Muito Especial

"Private Lessons" isn't astonishingly bad... if you can look at it from the standpoint of it being a cheap adolescent thrill on late-night "Skin-emax" or any other premium station du jour. I'm mostly fine with plots involving taboo; even the "Onegai" series of anime doesn't phase me. But I will say this: the one and only reason anyone should feel compelled to watch this movie is to see the rather hot (back then anyway) Sylvia Kristel in the nude. It does have a cute premise, but it's never done much justice due to all of the amateurish writing and pacing.

Eric Brown is Phillip Fillmore (Philly Philly??), a 15-year-old kid with hormones gone berserk. In other words, he's pretty damn average. His deadbeat dad has left on a... business trip (wink wink nudge nudge) and has left Philly back home with his recently arrived immigrant housekeeper Nicole Mallow (Kristel) and sleazy chauffeur Lester (Howard Hesseman). Seems Philly's got the hots for Nicole, and Lester takes advantage of this, persuading Nicole to fake her own death at the hands (or loins) of the boy so he can make off with Philly's money like a bandit. But Nicole switches around mid-plot, deciding instead to help stop Lester's Half-Baked Evil Scheme™. Cue several slapstick hijinks culminating in a final sex scene and serve.

Obviously, you don't watch movies like this for plots, no matter how inane and far-fetched they may be; you watch them to get sprung. Alas, this was back in the early eighties, and unless you had a big name and/or a lot of cash to burn, your film was almost destined to rot in film quality hell. Such seems to have been the case with "Private Lessons," and the fact that it is billed as a comedy rather than an adult movie bewilders me to no end. Even with the nudity, the filmography is agonizing to watch, but since this was probably produced as a "quick buck" teen-pleaser, that's not surprising. Panning shots of Kristel fondling or teasing Brown while the kid makes goofy, unrealistic "shocked and amazed" expressions are about as dynamic as this thing gets.

I should also mention that the character of Philly's chubby friend (Patrick Piccininni) is simply the most irritating part of the movie in my opinion. Some people have commented that this character, who comes across as being doomed to remain a virgin for the rest of his life, is rather cute in his behavior, and I fail to see how they arrive at that judgment... as if one gawking teenage boy wasn't enough. Hesseman's character is strictly porno-level, period, end of story. Even Dan Greenburg, the author of the book this film is based on, had the ego to have a bit role as the hotel owner, even going so far as to appear fully credited in the "profile" shots of the cast during the closing credits!

It's hard to recommend "Private Lessons" for any other reason than the aforementioned Ms. Kristel and the fact that it is better than most soft-porn out there. Aside from these aspects, it's downright mediocre.

PRIVATE LESSONS is an endurance is sit through. We see Sylvia Kristal, who seems to be approaching 30, seducing a child half her age! There is one scene where this little boy spies on his rich daddies' maid (Sylvia) as she starts to undress. She catches him, and invites him in to a private show. It is a well paced, seductive scene, but we know we are watching an illegal act! The little boy's fat friend loudly fondling tennis balls is something out of a John Waters film, and the touchy-feely scene in a movie theatre is just ... brrrr! Note: In the above mentioned seduction scene- Sylvia and Junior are alone in her bedroom. Check out the enormous crew member huddled in the her closet trying to stay out of the camera lens' path!

The last time I saw this movie before getting the newly-released DVD was back in my childhood, let's say 6th or 7th grade. Back then, the naughty scenes were quite exciting and the plot was good for a giggle. And of course young, awkward boys enjoy some small hope that one day they will become more suave through kind experiences of female beauty. On general principal I thought I should add the DVD to my collection. Overall, I was not disappointed.

One major detraction I didn't remember seeing before was the crude white-paint censor blots in the two full-frontal nude scenes (boooooo!). This film has a few details on refused-classification.com which suggest that it might have been doctored in this way in order to gain its R rating, even back in 1982. I wonder why it was not offered with a "director's cut" as a special feature of the DVD (e.g. "Dressed to Kill") - artistically speaking, I would rather have a scene cut than done up with something so cheesy and distracting as a censor box (shame!).

This movie is what it is - for me it represents just a little piece of my childhood, and contains a few moments that were interesting to revisit. If the features of the DVD had been more complete I would have given it about an 8. I'm hoping I will be amused by the commentary when I hear it.

Eric Brown stars in this unintentionally hilarious male teenage fantasy flick. The delectable Sylvia Kristel appears as a French maid hired by Brown's rich parents to look after the house while they are away.

Howard Hessemann, the brilliant D.J. from W.K.R.P in Cincinatti plays the role of the family chauffeur who gets involved in a comical plot which not even a kindergarten inmate could dream up.

Watch out for the obligatory seduction scene. The fortunate Eric Brown more than made up for his modest acting ability by appearing in a number of movies where he was seduced by beautiful older women. "They're Playing with Fire" with Sybil Danning is an example.

Great topic about a boy coming of age lead by an older mature woman. The movie gathered much publicity not only in the US, and Europe, but also in Asia when it came out.

The movie was made in the transitional time when the raw sexual expression of the '70s was starting to change to cuter expression of the '80s. It carries some of the sexual topics that were prevalent in the '70s, but the expression is much more juvenile and charming.

Silvia Kristel was spot on for the role. She was by then well known for her role in the movie "Emanuelle". The movie was like the "JAWS" of that segment of the movie industry. Just like Richard Dreyfus became a big star, Krystel rightfully became a star.

The movie doesn't have much story to it, but it's mostly about the comical scene of youngster getting seduced by an older woman. Even so, the movie keeps things entertaining, and it's a good movie even after all these years.

I kind of liked the subplot that went between Phillip and Sherman too.

A good movie that captures the culture of the early '80s.