Ladies and Gentlemen, the Fabulous Stains

Excellent little rock-and-roll satire. A teenage Diane Lane stars as a young woman who hates her dead-end life. Along with her sister and cousin (Laura Dern), she cons her way onto a tour bus as the nonexistent band The Stains. The gals can't play a lick, but get themselves on the local news, and they ignite like a meteorite - and come crashing to Earth just as fast. It's a biting little picture, and Lane shines brightly in the lead. Ray Winstone co-stars as the lead singer of a British punk band with whom the Stains tour. The movie was barely released when it was made, but it became a cult favorite later on through frequent airings on the USA cable network.

This film apparently is one of the best-kept secrets of 80s cinema, a movie that was born to be a cult hit. The film focuses on an orphaned teen(Diane Lane)who hits the road with her three girl rock group the Stains as opening acts for an over-the-hill glam rock group and an up-and-coming British new wave/punk outfit. When the glam rock group bows out due to the death of their drummer(who is mourned by his several common-law wives and illegitimate children), the Stains and the other group slog on alone, with Lane and her group quickly grabbing the spotlight through a series of gimmicky stunts and gaining media notoriety(for one, the girls all dye white skunk-like stripes down the middle of their heads, causing a new teenybopper trend). The film looks down the long, thin line that separates fame from notoriety, a line that has grown increasingly blurred in the past 20 years. We see the way the media latches on to these girls and their antics, making them celebrities over night, and unmaking them just as quickly. But not to fear, for the girls latch on to a new medium, the rock video, and find themselves the fame they deserve.

It's no accident that this movie came out the same year that M-TV premiered, because a lot of the fears and concerns that M-TV generated(some of them still valid)are explored. Is rock that relies on the visual image really rock? Is rock's spirit diluted or prostituted by videos? In an era where we watch television shows based on a corporate entity's quest to "create" a pop group, the questions are valid ones. I saw this movie on VH-1 a couple of years ago, and now regret not taping it. Supposedly it was labelled unreleasable and never made it to the theatres, and has yet to appear on video. Pity, because there's much to like--and discuss--that is still relevant today.

In the documentary "The Making of Ladies and Gentlemen the Fabulous Stains" (which you can find on YouTube), the narrator mentions that 83 million Americans have seen Star Wars: The Phantom Menace; then he adds he's not sure if a total of 83 people have seen The Fabulous Stains.

This is the quintessential cult classic. Like the original Jerky Boys tape (remember that?) it has been copied & re-copied and passed around from one VHS to another for the last 20 years. In interviews, even the stars of the film say they haven't seen the finished product. So if nothing else, you should feel special for having the opportunity to watch it.

I'm part of the nu-crowd, having found this movie at a Blockbuster going out of business sale last week and buying the recently-released DVD for $3. I can see instantly how it became a cult classic. First, it features a cast of respected musicians (Sex Pistols, The Tubes, The Clash) as well as a very young Laura Dern (Jurassic Park, Wild at Heart) and a lead actress whom I'm shocked I haven't seen in any other films because she's fabulous: Diane Lane.

Next we have a story about the underground music scene and a girl band's rise to stardom which predicted the whole Madonna craze 2 years before Madonna's debut album (as well as the Go-Gos and even Joan Jett). I think that's what makes this a great film--how prophetically accurate it was. The "old rockers" of the 70s (with outrageous makeup on their faces) were clearing the way for badass chicks with attitude (and outrageous makeup on their eyes). As Diane eulogizes in the film "He was an old man in a young girl's world." That theme is something you have to keep in mind while watching this. At the time, aside from maybe Janis Joplin, rock music didn't have a great history of bad girls, but audiences were demanding it. So not only does this film highlight the evolution of music, but it also foretells a new age of feminism in the industry.

For me, what made the film really enjoyable was its realism. Touring with a rock band isn't all Ritz-Carlton and Leer jets, unless you're the Rolling Stones. No, touring with a rock band is dirty, smelly, cramped on a malfunctioning tour bus with shady promoters, managers and rival bands with a lot of catty attitudes. I can't think of any other film that tells it like it is.

The biggest flaw of this film is the ending. I won't ruin it, but I'll just say it was NOT the ending intended by the original writer Nancy Dowd (as the rumors go, Nancy was so angry at the reworked ending that she took her name off the credits). Indeed, the ending seems a bit incongruous. But at the same time it makes sense on certain levels, so maybe it turned out for the best.

Another problem is the way the film shows 15-year-old girls in a very sexual way. Sure, that's realism (as Fee Waybill says in the documentary, 'There was more sex & drugs going on behind the scenes than there was in the movie'), but it might--and should--make you feel a little uncomfortable watching a 15-year-old girl have sex. But hey, I guess that's one of the reasons why this was never the ABC movie of the week, and instead it was quickly buried for 20 years.

So yeah, if you have a chance I think you should watch it. If nothing else, it's a great nostalgic trip back to the music scene of the 80s. But it's also very poignant in today's world. Diane's "meh" attitude toward life is exactly what confronts a lot of teens today in this increasingly cynical world.

I'm happy that this film managed to get released on DVD, otherwise I never would've seen it. I just hope it doesn't get too popular, because that would kill some of its charm. I like the idea that there are only 82 other people who have seen it.

I was a student in high school when the film crew and actors/actresses came to Vancouver, British Columbia Canada to film this movie.

They had a radio contest at the local radio station called 14 CFUN and they wanted people to come down to the radion station to sign up to be "extras" in the movie. I had never done this before, but took a chance and was selected. I was to play a "skunk".

We filmed down at the exhibition grounds of the P.N.E. {Pacific National Exhibition}.

I missed 3 days of school to do this movie and had the time of my life! Actually, it was even more fun when I found a friend of mine was also picked as an extra.

I remember meeting and getting the autographs of the Sex Pistols and Clash members who were there. I actually didn't even know that there were other "stars" in this movie until I had found this website and saw the cast list.

I also remember eating way too much "White Spot" {burgers and fries}. It seemed like that is all they fed us. I had been "called back" for a 3rd day of the shoot because they had chosen me for some "close-up shots".....much to my surprise.

I remember the costume and the makeup that we wore as "skunks". We all wore see-through red blouses with very high pumps on our feet. The makeup was kind of "skanky" and the big white stripe that they put down the middle of your hair. I can barely remember what we looked like.

I signed a contract with Paramount Pictures when the movie was still called "All Washed Up". I never did see it. Actually, when I was in Waikiki, Hawaii a couple of years later, we had been watching "sumo wrestling" on one of their channels and had fallen asleep. When I woke up, the credits to this movie were scrolling by!!!!!

I was soooooo upset about it, because I had never even seen the movie.

I have still yet to find this movie and would like very much to attain a copy of it on DVD.

With Diane Lane's beautiful, astonishing, must-get-the-Oscar turn in Unfaithful (since the last thing I really remember seeing her before that was Lady Beware, and if I were to bother reviewing that, my summary would be Viewer Beware, or more unkindly, Lady Beware The Between-Meal Snacks), I remembered seeing this film on the late lamented Night Flight, when it still showed uncut, uncensored, banned, obscure videos and films relating to rock and roll. Ah the good old days of early cable...

This film is a must-see, not just for Diane Lane fans, but for any rock film fan. It is a bit contrived in some parts, but brutally honest in others, and seemed to confront every '80's rock dream - from Tiffany to MTV to Madonna..and beyond - Britney and Xtina, anyone?

Many other reviews here say all there is to say about the film, since I have only seen it that one time, and can't add anything particularly pithy about it. The fact that I remember it all these years later, after just being reminded of the abysmal failure which was Streets of Fire, makes me want to see the Stains play again.

There are scenes I still remember vividly, and while some of the movie will seem forced and a bit dated even for the time it was released, it has a certain honesty that stayed with me all these years - mostly due to a powerful and honest performance by a very young Diane Lane. The same honesty and power she shows in Unfaithful...

A real shame that this movie is not available for home viewing, and should be released on dvd and vhs at a time when Lane is hopefully going to walk away with an Oscar.