X-Ray: Massacre no Hospital

Hospital Massacre (1982)

** 1/2 (out of 4)

Incredibly strange, over-the-top and at times downright crazy slasher about a young woman who sees her best friend murdered after they laugh at a boy who left her a Valentine's Day card. Flash-forward nineteen years and the now woman (Barbi Benton) is at the hospital for a check up when a madman begins killing everyone trying to get to her. HOSPITAL MASSACRE, also known as X-RAY and several other titles, is a pretty poor movie that has so many unintentionally laughable moments that you really can't help but have fun with it. Director Boaz Davidson has said that he didn't know too much about the genre and had never made a slasher so he was pretty much just throwing everything in that he could. This includes all sorts of silly "jump" sequences, which are just downright silly at times and even worse is how everything gets drawn out to the point where you just get tired of watching it. There are simply way too many sequences where scenes keep on going and going when they should have been much shorter. A bit more editing probably would have made the film much more entertaining. There are some things here that are good and this includes the gore. The film contains a pretty large amount of blood especially for a film of this era when most were being cut up by the MPAA. Another memorable thing is the "performance" as the killer because it's just so crazy and over-the-top that you can't help but laugh at times. Still, the weirdness of the character certainly makes you remember him. Benton is decent in the role and manages to show off her Playmate breasts during a rather awkward examination sequence. The rest of the performances are certainly below par but they add to some of the laughs. HOSPITAL MASSACRE is mainly going to appeal to those who enjoy those bad slashers of the decade. You have to leave it to Cannon as they really did deliver a pretty wild little film.

Wow! Where to begin?

Hospital Massacre seems like one of those movies that an alien from a different planet would make about humans. So many characters behave in such ridiculously bizarre ways that no one seems like a real person. It's probably best to turn off your mind before going into this one and just rolling with it.

The story itself might make zero sense, but it seems as if it's just a coat hanger to hang a series of gory, imaginative death scenes on and those scenes are certainly memorable. It's never terribly gory (in fact, it tends to cut away before it shows too much most of the time), but the scenes themselves are unlike anything you've ever seen. Watch a nurse turn a corner and come face to face with the killer at the end of the hall who's walking towards her with a sheet stretched out in front of him. Like most of the film, it's hard to tell if this is dreamlike and creepy or incredibly hilarious.

Much like the same year's Halloween II, there are only a handful of patients in this entire hospital and the people in charge must be trying to save money on electricity, because there are so many dark corners and hallways everywhere.

Barbi Benton isn't half bad in her meager role which just consists of her looking scared, angry, or hysterical. At least when she isn't being subjected to hysterically gratuitous nude examination scenes.

I'm not sure what Hospital Massacre was intending to be, but it sure turned out fun.

Forgive the pretentious summary, but i thought this film was effective precisely for all the elements other reviewers seemed to criticise. It IS fairly well shot (the dark bits are hard work) and the editing's sharp. With a big bombastic orchestral score and lots of OTT moments, this is a cheesy film with plenty of daft false scares and the like, but it's quite nightmarish too. The clichéd parts are tensely handled. Maybe I'm desensitized to bad cinema at the moment, having consumed plenty of terrible 80s slashers recently, but I thought this was pretty good. Little touches like the horrible old women sharing Barbi Benton's hospital ward, cackling like the witches from Macbeth, added to the absurd bad-dream quality. The murder scenes are well handled, violent and rough but not that splattery.

This film has a similar feel to something like 'Don't Answer The Phone!' or 'The Centerfold Girls', serious in intent and not really 'camp' in any way. It's obviously 'bad cinema', but artfully done.

The movie starts off with a young boy who obviously has a crush on this girl. When he sends her a valentine card, she laughs at it. This must have made the boy go psycho. Cut to the present. The girl is now a grown woman, who is going to get a routine check up at her hospital. The killer shows up at the hospital and begins to methodically slice and dice the hospital staff to get to the woman. This movie has some great suspense and atmosphere. The acting was a little below average, but the movie is too good to be missed.

Of all the slasher films that came out in 1981, this is definitely one of them. That said, for some small reason this film sticks out as a perfect example of the slasher film. With it's goofy plot revolving around the identity of the killer, and gratuitous Benton nudity, one really can't go wrong with this title. It's not a great film, but it's got all the key elements of the slasher film, and for that, at least it succeeds on those terms.