- Alana Maxwell: I never knew you liked magic.
- Kenny Hampson: I watched you tonight.
- [Referring to the magician]
- Kenny Hampson: You liked him.
- Alana Maxwell: No. Kenny, you're better than he is. I'm sure you're better than he is.
- Kenny Hampson: I am. He didn't know how to cut a woman into pieces.
- Ed: [dressed as Groucho Marx, talking to a blow-up doll] Come on, baby. Open your eyes. Come on. Look at me. Just my luck, she's a lesbian!
- The Magician: It's a rotten crowd. Listen to them.
- Magician's Assistant: Well, it beats a six-year-old's birthday party.
- The Magician: I have to have it quiet when I do my illusions.
- Magician's Assistant: It pays better too. Besides, I though you played frat parties before.
- The Magician: They're not gonna watch.
- Magician's Assistant: Oh, they'll watch. Why don't you go on out there? Do some close up magic? Warm them up?
- The Magician: I'm not ready.
- Magician's Assistant: God, it was cold out there! My feet are numb.
- The Magician: I told you to stay in the car.
- Magician's Assistant: Well, they made me get off. I mean, they had to search here. I'm sorry, is something missing?
- [the Magician does not reply]
- Magician's Assistant: Geez, I was scared out there. I couldn't find you and thinking that this wacko is going to jump out at me any minute.
- [picks up one of the Magician's swords]
- Magician's Assistant: Hey, I could use one of these. Yeah, this is certainly worth a diamond. What do you think?
- Doc: [magician is being covered with a sheet during his show] Hey, why don't you stay under there?
- The Magician: Can anybody make HIM disappear?