- Eramus: Can we truly call this a Monster Club if we do not boast amongst our membership a single member of the human race?
- Eramus: [drinking a glass of Type B blood] This is pleasant enough, but it doesn't sustain us. To get real nourishment, we have to take our food directly from the source. And it becomes more difficult constantly. People are so well educated these days. It's all those horror films and television. Everybody knows about garlic and stakes through the heart.
- R. Chetwynd-Hayes (Segment "The Monster Club"): Yes, we all have our cross to bear.
- Eramus: I'd rather you didn't use that word.
- Eramus: May I be permitted to introduce myself? My name is Eramus. I am a vampire. Oh, but of course you know that.
- R. Chetwynd-Hayes (Segment "The Monster Club"): I say, what happened to your fangs?
- Eramus: Oh - they're retractable, when not in use.
- Pickering (Segment "Vampire Story"): Don't just stand there - get an ambulance.
- Mother (Segment "Vampire Story"): Ha ha ha - you'll need more than an ambulance. My husband didn't just take a trickle or refreshment. He bit deep. Do you know what that means? You are one of his kind now. You will have to be staked by your own men.
- Mooney (Segment "Vampire Story"): She's right, sir. The virus is in you. Come moonlight, you'll be on the rampage. We have to do our duty.
- Pickering (Segment "Vampire Story"): Calm down, Sergeant. You are talking to Pickering. A departmental legend. Head of the Bleeny. Why, I've staked over 2000 vamps.
- Club Secretary (Segment "The Monster Club"): I second the proposal. A member of such a talented race can only be a credit to any Monster Club!
- Pickering (Segment "Vampire Story"): We are the B squad, sonny! The Bleeney! Special branch concerned with blood crimes. We have sworn to eradicate the curse of vampirism from this land.