Galaxina

Dorothy Stratten is the only reason to watch this unfunny sci-fi spoof, and her appearance is a disappointment. Though she has the title role, her screentime is limited, and she only speaks a few lines of dialogue. If you're not a Stratten fan, pass this one up.

Low budget "Barbarella" knock-off manages to be watchable, but is nowhere as funny as it thinks it is. Dorothy Stratten plays the sexy robot Galaxina on a ship of space intergalactic cops patrolling the universe. While the crew is asleep, Galaxina reprograms herself to be more human. Romantic entanglements ensure. Later their ship is sent to recover a mysterious crystal on a planet that resembles the old west, which is a goofily entertaining of genre mash-up. The film mostly wants to operate as a sci-fi spoof of "Star Trek," "Alien," any number of other films in the vein of Mel Brooks, but it's nowhere as clever as Brooks or a Zucker/Abrams/Zucker parody film. Also, the film suffers from being too overt of a sex comedy, which worked much better in "Barbarella," where director Roger Vadim kept the film sexy but also somewhat innocent, where in "Galaxina" it just feels leering and creepy. Despite it's many deficiencies, Stratten demonstrates real star power in a ridiculous film, much like Jane Fonda in "Barbarella," and as bad as this film is, it did make me wish Stratten had gotten to make more films.

A strange thing happened the day after I saw Galaxina, back when it was released. The movie is a spoof of sci-fi movies and is full of jokes, puns and sight gags; but I just sat there in the theater and never laughed once. Or, more accurately, I didn't feel the least tickle of amusement. It was more like a string of detached observations of, "Ah, that joke flopped badly." If it had been a live performance, there would have been those crushing dead silences every time the actors paused to allow reactions to their jokes.

The next night, at a party, I was trying describe just how bad the movie really was. This involved, in part, telling several of the jokes. Surprisingly, my listeners laughed at them. I could flatter myself and claim that I'm such a hot comic that I could get laughs even reading the obituaries out loud. But that ain't so. Let's just say that I gave the jokes a mildly competent delivery... and that's what Galaxina didn't do.

Now, a work of genius is indefinable. No matter how much you analyze it, you can never quite pin down why it is so exceptional, while another film - with all the same objective attributes - is merely competent. The same is true of transcendent badness. The world is full of bad movies, with the same objective failures in budget, acting, writing and directing. But Galaxina is loaded with subtle catastrophes. There are nuances that extract the worst possible effect from so many scenes. And I can't quite figure out how it was done. Without this quality Galaxina might actually have ended up acceptably incompetent, a fun cheapo film, and gotten the laughs I did from its jokes.

Sometimes movies are SO bad you just laugh anyway. (There are exceptions, such as Barfly. Worst movie ever made). I know loads of people who saw this movie at my house and almost everyone giggled at the silliness or moaned in pain at a really bad one liner. The movie is not the greatest in the world, but good enough for bad science fiction fans. The idea of the movie might be used today and rewritten. With the effects that can be done today, it could be funny if someone did it right. I recommend you watch it at least once. Be prepared for dry, goofy humor and sight gags that almost work... but have a sense of humor when you watch it or you will fall asleep. Watch for the bad edits. I had a lot of fun watching this one with my friends and a bottle of tequila.

I first saw this film when I was very young, so my judgement may be clouded by youthful rose-tinted glasses ... but what the hell, I like this flick. Call me inane, puerile, sophomoric, or just plain stupid, but I laughed (and STILL do!) whenever the soundtrack does that DOO-WAH whenever the Blue Star (I'm gracing it with caps) is mentioned. I beg anyone who likes this film to seek out the budget UK PAL region 0 DVD release of this film, as it features the full uncut (and indeed this film WAS shorn of some 10 minutes of non-essential footage in some prints, including the Rhino DVD), which to boot is presented in full 2.35:1 widescreen in a jaw-droppingly pristine transfer - for my money it was gleaned from the original negative. If not, YOU explain why it looks like it was shot yesterday. Compared to more recent DTV sci-fi parodies, Galaxina holds up well and deserves a re-appraisal... but see the uncut widescreen version first!