A Maçã

Vapid (largely due to the male lead's inability to act - not surprisingly, this was his only film), bizarre fantasy-musical-allegory. It gets points for its sheer audacity and the effort that was put into it - it was probably made on a relatively low budget, yet it manages to create a world of its own; apparently it was filmed in Germany, but it seems to be taking place on another universe altogether. For some reason, it reminded me of "Zardoz" (yes, and "Logan's Run" too): these movies are so bizarre that they belong in a league of their own, beyond "good" and "bad". Best song: "If you know how to be a ma-ster". (**)

I was channel surfing a few weeks ago when this...this...this..THING showed up on Flix. I was mesmerized. I grew up in the late 70's, early 80's and this felt like I was zapped back in time to movies like "Little Darlings", "Over the Edge", and "Xanadu". The whole look was scary. It looked like it was shot in a shopping mall. When I checked out the title, I thought "Where has this GREAT BAD movie been all my life! How come I've never heard of it before?" This is one camp classic that truly deserves a full resurrection. VH-1 should do a whole "Where Are They Now" on this movie. I'd love to know what the "actors" in this movie think of it now. Truly bad in a classicly bad/great way.

If you are gay and of a certain age (as I am), you may remember a certain glossy "magazine of entertainment." This was AFTER DARK, which was the gayest non-porn magazine ever, and it was most popular during the 70's and 80's. People like Liza and Bette appeared on the cover, and lots of tasteful male nude and nearly-nude photos abounded. It was glitzy, heavily-mascared, skimpy underwear-clad, pre-AIDS fun.

That brings me to THE APPLE. Beyond the title number, set in Hell, which has to be one of my favorite bad rock movie free-for-alls (with horrid lyrics and extremely hard-working dancers), the "sex" number, with multiple beds full of women in slips and men in gold briefs, absolutely proves my point that this movie was merely a film transcription of the late, lamented AD.

If XANADU and GREASE 2 can be issued on DVD, why not a remastered and remixed wide-screen edition of THE APPLE? Call your local congressman or gay cult-film fan TODAY!

This is one of the most delicious fruits I've tasted in a long time.

Yes, it's cheesy, but you can't beat a whole musical number of

seduction that ends with a literal orgasm, the chanteuse singing

"I'm coming, I'm coming...." Hysterical!

From a pop anthropologic perspective it's also an interesting

image of the transition from disco to early 80s wave and pop. You

can see the seeds of fashion later made popular by the likes of

Madonna, MC Hammer, and many other somewhat unfortunate

style makers. This is the missing link between two distinct genres.

One of the best parts about this movie is its prophetic vision of the

massive corporate take-over of the entertainment industry. While

we are not forced to where little plastic icons on our foreheads,

there is no denying the stifling and destructive power that major

conglomerates have on what we see, hear, and read. So, if not

other reason, I love this movie for how eerily true it rings today.

I remember seeing this film on late night television back in the early 80's. I thought it was a strange yet intriguing piece of work and was constantly on the lookout for repeat showings. I did manage to catch it another time in the mid 80's but never again since. For years, I was the only person I knew of that had seen "The Apple," much less heard of it. I wondered if I had imagined the whole crazy thing until I came upon a copy of the soundtrack album in a local record store that specialized in hard to find and obscure music. Finally, some hard evidence that this film existed!! A friend of mine, with whom I co-produce a local public access film review program, prides himself on his ability to get copies of hard to find movies. So I presented him with the ultimate challenge: Get me a copy of "The Apple." His unrelenting persistance paid off and last Fall he presented me with my request. I got it home and popped into my VCR and WOW! The film was just as bizarre and entertaining as I remembered! The costumes! The music! The biblical parallels! Alfie and BeBe! Obviously, everyone who has seen it feels passionately positive or passionately negative. But as for me, everytime I see it, I get nothing but the guiltiest of pleasures. If you're lucky enough to get the opportunity to experience "The Apple" do not hesitate!! If you like shiny outlandish costumes and make-up . . . If you can't live without garish production numbers . . . If limited acting (or abundant overacting) ability enhances your enjoyment of a movie . . . "The Apple" is the one for you! Take a bite and enjoy!!