Rappin'

Rappin has to be one of the most cliched hip hop films in history. The script is cheesy, the rappin is horrible and the soundtrack doesn't thump. Mario Van Pebbles may a good actor, but the man can't rap. I give this movie a -** out of ****

John Hood (Mario Van Peebles) is released from prison. He goes home to his grandma and younger brother. He reconnects with his best friend Ice (Eriq La Salle). The evil landlord Wilson is trying to evict the multi-ethnic downtrodden neighborhood. Hood and his friends work to fight against the villainous land-developer. He falls for rival Duane's girlfriend, Dixie (Tasia Valenza).

If this is a disconnected sequel to Breakin', then this is a complete failure. I would love to have Breakin' 3 with the original crew. As a new story on its own, this is still a failure. If they want a movie about rapping, make Ice-T the protagonist. He's the only connecting tissue and he deserves a chance. His acting couldn't be any worst. Mario has always been a hustler and a try hard. He tries hard to be a rapper but he's far from one. I couldn't believe the first rap is about food. Eriq La Salle is stiff and cold. He can be that way in ER because that's the character. In this, he's just stiff and he's not a real rapper either. Duane is a ridiculously villain. He's white bread trying to be hard and it comes off like a cartoon. I do like the town council rap for its hokey sincerity but the closing credits rap is just cringeworthy. I want to like this but too much of this is cringeworthy.

"I went to the movies, to see 'Beat Street' / it wasn't bad, it was kinda' neat / 'Krush Groove' was a flick, that I didn't mind / but when it came to 'Rappin', I drew the line." Word to your mother.

Want me to stop?

That's just a small sample of the stupa-fly style of rhymin' on display in this waste of film and location permits. This movie is seriously wack (thats 80s-speak for just f*cking awful). As an emcee, Mario Van Peebles is one hell of an actor. And as an actor, Mario Van Peebles is one hell of a bodybuilder.

Any film calling itself "Rappin'" had better deliver at that genre's highest standard of the time. So why were 6 year olds rolling in the aisles, even back in the day when standards were so knee-high-to-"Webster"-low? Because this rap is weak. So weak that not even B.E.T. or Comedy Central will touch it with a 10-foot gold-rope chain.

Blondie's "Rapture" is def poetry next to this bit of Dr. Suess in the hood. So don't be a boobie, avoid this movie!

Vastly underrated, this gem was recently rediscovered after decades of hiding.

Mario van Peebles is Oscar worthy in this masterpiece. Turbo and Ozone could take lessons from him on this one.

Set in Pittsburgh, the cinematography certainly won awards. No need for CGI here, just raw talent in action.

If Van Peebles were a dessert, he'd definitely be a chocolate waterfall here.

Once you see it on You Tube, it'll forever remain in your heart. I've watched it 6x already and I suspect it'll be a mainstay in the rotation. It's not going to bump Smokey & the Bandit from its' all-time top status, but it did replace Breakin II: Electric Bugaloo from the throne. Enjoy with or without subtitles.

Golan-Globus decided to follow up its breakout hit of 1984's BREAKIN' with this movie about how Eriq Lasalle is trying to save his neighborhood from developers while being discovered as a great, natural rap star, with a hackneyed plot and club music that sounds like the chick-a-boom stuff that was used as the soundtrack for every cheesy urban movie in the 1970s.

There's a lot of talent lurking onscreen. Not only is it Lasalle's first movie, but Ice-T (credited under his birth name of Tracy Marrow) and his crew are available.

As I usually am with these productions, I'm more fascinated by the fact that all these poor people have brand new shoes and boxing gloves, perfectly maintained browstones that, we are told, are falling apart and, of course, Lasalle's immaculate hair styling with two perfect spit curls than I am by story acting or technical excellence, mostly because there is so little.