A Polish Vampire in Burbank

I knew of this film years ago. When I was about 12 a few friends and I got together and ran this. I thought it was a charming little movie. Then I did some research and found out that it was made in someone's back yard with a home movie camera, and I was even more fascinated by it. Today I look around and see all these people making their own movies with video cameras and putting them up on websites like youtube and I have to look back at A Polish Vampire in Burbank and realize that this was one of the first 'do it yourself' movies. I just found it again recently and although the movie looks a bit dated today, it certainly takes me back to a time when individual movie making wasn't that common.

A young polish vampire is taken out by his slut sister to finally penetrate a victim with his small fangs in California. A nonstop barrage of groan worthy puns, silly sight gags, and stupid little sound effects pummel the victim..umm..i mean viewer into submission. This film is simply awful, and at not even an hour and a half is STILL way too long. I found myself bored to tears. Even '80's ultra-nerd Eddie Deezen can't save this foolish film from crashing and burning. Falling to the trash heap of cinematic history. Some people may find this turd funny. I never wish to meet said people.

My Grade: D-

DVD Extras: Director's commentary; Mark Pirro bio; TV spots; 3 minutes of deleted scenes; 29 minute documentary; Teaser and full Trailer

Some of the reviewers here need to lighten up a bit. The negative comments on this film are evidently by those who cannot appreciate how hard it is to make a movie for $2500 and have it gross a half million because of it's cult status. Are the jokes bad? Absolutely. Is the acting awful? Some of it, yes. But to me this is what cult cinema is about. It doesn't take itself seriously and viewers shouldn't either. It's 84 minutes of fun with more than a few laughs. Eddie Deezen calls this his worst movie he ever appeared in and even he misses the point while making the film a joy for those who love bad movies. He's brilliant! Is Mark Pirro going to be the next Alfred Hitchcock? No but he's done something major studios only dream of. Make a film for nearly nothing and 40 years later people are still discovering it and smiling. I did. Find it. Watch it. And please write a review that will absorb the bad ones that don't get it. They'll never get it.

Unlike the other rancid cheese from the same (I hesitate to call them this) filmmakers, Queerwolf, A Polish Vampire in Burbank is worth watching for the "Judo for Jesus" sequence.

While I do love camp vampire movies, this flick is too lowbrow for camp. If you are looking for quality camp in a vampire flick, stick with Innocent Blood or Buffy, The Vampire Killer. But when you already have a sixpack in you and a have your cardboard silhouette of Joel and the robots situated in front of the TV screen and feel hungry for some truly stinky cheese, then A Polish Vampire in Burbank with its Judo for Jesus and The Vampire Hookers (absolutely dreadful, but the song during the credits is hilarious) is for you.

Some friends & I found "Polish Vampire" on the video shelves one night over ten years ago, and it's tribute to simplistic humor and silly sound effects inspired us to create a series of films ourselves - which, should any of us ever decide to run for congress, you'll no doubt see. I found a copy of "Polish Vampire" on E-Bay, got some of the old gang together and we laughed at the same jokes and silly sounds of Dupah's stomach growling. We abstained this time from making more films, but all decided that "Polish Vampire" is, like, comedy for the ageless, for sure.