Gymkata: O Jogo da Morte

I first saw this movie with three friends at a theater in Norman, Oklahoma when it first came out. Aside from the four of us, the usher was in the theater, and the projectionist too. They should've gotten combat pay.

The US government goes to a gymnast to get him to train for and participate in The Game, a decathlon cum obstacle course held each year in the tiny country of Parmistan (the four of us immediately decided its major export was Parmesan cheese...). The Khan of Parmistan grants each winner a favor, and the US wants our hero to ask pretty please to let the US put some kind of radar installation in Parmistan to support SDI. Our hero agrees--after all, his dad mysteriously disappeared in Parmistan.

Our hero gets some help from the Khan's daughter, who turns out to be the only citizen of Parmistan who looks even vaguely Asian. (_Gymkata_ was filmed in Zagreb, then in Yugoslavia.) There are people who want to stop him, though--fortunately, every place our hero is in danger, there happens to be a convenient piece of gymnastic equipment that he can leap onto and kick some enemy behind. (It even comes pre-powdered so his hands won't slip--they think of everything!)

A high point of the film is the Khan himself, and his pronouncements from the balcony. We in the theater swore up and down that Mel Brooks was playing the Khan... He always uttered some non-English interjection that we promptly forgot (UPDATE: it's "yakmalla!"), replacing with "Uff- da!" when imitating him during and after the film, and followed it up with "My people!"

I recommend this in a double feature with _Phenomenal and the Mask of Tutankhamen_. Think you need an Abdomenizer? Nope--just watch these two movies.

It's hard for me to explain in words the passion i have for this work. If you will imagine me thrusting my hands into a chalk bag and clapping them together - bursting an advancing white cloud into the air - but mentally - before i can begin to describe to you the unadulterated genius of Gymkata - then you may begin to fathom this...passion. A gymnastic Tour de Force for Thomas. Who doesn't loose themselves watching this and straddle their ottomon in Bruce Lee-like pantomime as Thomas "pommelhoarses" several battalians of earnest shedsmen?

This is one of America's finest films. If you don't know, now you know. In the words of Lord Bephfington "I would give my right arm for DVD copy of this classic." By combining both humor and action, Gymkata makes for easy viewing over and over again.

People love to rip on this camp classic, but I have probably seen this movie as many times as Star Wars. Johnathan Cabot(Kurt Thomas) is a swashbuckler like no other, and he has an uncanny knack for finding gymnastics equipment to do routines on and defend himself. The pommel horse in the village of the crazies is a perennial favorite, as is the horizontal bar in the middle of the town of Karabal, on the Caspian Sea.

Look for a cameo by the Where's the beef? lady in the village of the crazies, and a plot that is a convenient afterthought to the creation of a context where Thomas' gymnastics skills can be highlighted.

As if one bad movie about Gymnastics wasn't enough, Mitch Gaylord decided he'd give it a shot in American Anthem, which came out a year later.

Unfortunately, this Gem is not available on DVD.

-CNW

The best thing about "Gymkata" is that it takes itself very seriously. Actual men and women worked on this film with no intention of creating a hysterically abominable failure. Yet, despite a premise that fails to produce anything beyond derisive laughter, the project somehow landed financing.

Highlights include: The Khan of Parmistan, a man who looks like Albert Einstein with Carl Levin's comb-over. "The Town of the Crazies," a village of criminally insane people. A man who severs his own hand for no apparent reason in the aforementioned town. A man (also in that town) who wears a cloak with the back cut out to reveal his buttocks. The oft-repeated location, "Karabal, on the Caspian Sea." The title card that lets us know when we've arrived at "Karabal, on the Caspian Sea." Princess Rubali and her odd fascination with cutlery. A man named "Thorg," who has been admired by the hero "since Munich." An actual line of dialogue that refers to "a nightmare in hell." The five punch/kick sound effects that get recycled beyond believability. A character who presumably fell to his death in a gaping, barren canyon only to have his fall "broken by some trees." The random placement of gymnastics apparatuses. The complete lack of resolution to numerous dangling plot points. Kurt Thomas's wardrobe and haircut. The men working at "The Salt Mines," who just poke a large pile of refined salt with hoes. Also, we get the privilege of seeing a shadowy government agent push away a gymnastics groupie who tries to get too close to a post-dismount Kurt Thomas.

If you happen across this movie, you must watch it. "Gymkata" stands as an example of what happens when no one offers a dissenting opinion anywhere in the filmmaking process. This is a technique that was later revealed in Joel Schumacher's "Batman & Robin."

"Gymkata" fulfills every expectation you may have of a film combining gymnastics and ninjitsu. Plenty of gymnastics, plenty of ninjitsu. See it with a friend and enjoy its many failures. All hail "Gymkata!"