- Rollie Tyler: [Mason grabs the Uzi Rollie has just set down] In this hand is the ammo for the gun. And this is Krazy Glue. A thousand and one uses. Now, a thousand and two.
- [shoves him out the front door]
- Rollie Tyler: [Rollie gets the drop on Mason after faking his own death] What's the matter? Forget why you hired me?
- [last lines]
- Lt. Leo McCarthy: [Rollie has impersonated DeFranco to get his money out of a Swiss bank] Well, I'm gonna miss the job, but this should ease the pain somewhat. Well, Rollie me boy, you'll never have to put that shit on your face again.
- Rollie Tyler: I don't know, Leo... it's hard for me to do anything else!
- Rollie Tyler: [Rollie is riding in a backseat and realizes he's sitting on a plastic sheet] Why all the plastic?
- Martin Lipton: I didn't want to get any stains on the seat.
- Rollie Tyler: What stains?
- Martin Lipton: [points a gun at Rollie] I'm sorry, Rollie. No loose ends.
- Lt. Leo McCarthy: [holding a gun at the side of Rollie's head, calmly] Hiya, Rollie. My name's Leo, and we need to talk.
- Martin Lipton: I've really admired your stuff ever since Vermin From Venus.
- Rollie Tyler: You saw that?
- Martin Lipton: Yeah.
- Andy: That's the one that got him deported from Australia.
- Mickey Gaglione: Leo, you're not saying Tyler killed Ellen Keith, Nick Adams, *and* DeFranco all in one night?
- Lt. Leo McCarthy: Hm. I don't believe it, either.
- Ellen Keith: Nobody cares about making movies about people any more. All they care about is special effects.
- Rollie Tyler: [ironically] I'm gonna cry.
- [Rollie finishes making a cast of DeFranco's head]
- Nicholas DeFranco: Is that it?
- Rollie Tyler: We can do it again if you want to.
- Nicholas DeFranco: Huh. Wise guy.
- Lt. Murdoch: [1:22:05] Took it like a man, didn't he?
- Capt. Jake Wallenger: Murdoch, you're an asshole.
- Rollie Tyler: [Andy has used movie smoke bombs to help break Rollie's truck out of the police impound lot] Jesus! What pots did you use?
- Andy: The big ones.
- Rollie Tyler: I said Hell Raisers, not Killer Smoke.
- Ellen Keith: How are you? "Oh, fine! How are you? I'm great. How are you?"
- Rollie Tyler: Sorry. I'm a little preoccupied.
- Ellen Keith: Did you take that job?
- Rollie Tyler: They're thinking about using McKinnon.
- Ellen Keith: McKinnon? Is there a part for me in it?
- Rollie Tyler: You'd work on a job that used McKinnon instead of me?
- Ellen Keith: Oh, sweetie, never ask an actress a question like that.
- Rollie Tyler: No, there's no part for you in it.
- Mickey Gaglione: [pointing at one of Rollie's movie props] Oh, wow. "I Dismember Mama." Great.
- Lt. Leo McCarthy: You mean you'd pay good money to look at this crap?
- [first lines]
- The director: Cut! Cut! Cut! Cut! Cut! Cut! Cut! Cut! Great. Great. Great. We got it. Great. You ladies all right? What about you? You okay?
- Rollie Tyler: Ellen, come on out of there.
- Rollie Tyler: Would you like coffee, Mr Leitner.
- Martin Lipton: My name's not Leitner, it's Lipton.
- Rollie Tyler: In that case, maybe you'd prefer tea?
- Martin Lipton: I'm not a movie producer.
- Rollie Tyler: [Tyler looks at his badge] Justice Department?
- Martin Lipton: I just said I was a movie producer to get onto the set.
- Miss Lehman (Joyce): Colonel Mason isn't here.
- Lt. Leo McCarthy: Then I need his home address.
- Miss Lehman (Joyce): That's classified.
- Lt. Leo McCarthy: Lady, I don't give a shit if it's tattooed on your ass. I'm not playin' around here!
- Whitemore: She doesn't know! The colonel's home address is strictly confidential. You should know that.
- Lt. Leo McCarthy: A recognizable face! Where does your boss live?
- Whitemore: That is strictly on a need-to-know basis.
- Lt. Leo McCarthy: Believe me, darling, I need to know! I'd hate to see you be made accessory to four murders.
- Whitemore: Are you trying to threaten me or charm me?
- Lt. Leo McCarthy: Whatever.
- Whitemore: Don't you consult with your associates? I believe Lieutenant Murdoch has that information. He may even have it tattooed on his ass.
- Lt. Leo McCarthy: You're a sweetheart.
- Martin Lipton: We want to stage a fake assassination, Rollie. We want to do it in public and we want you to supervise it.
- Rollie Tyler: You're crazy.
- Martin Lipton: Look. I wasn't just flattering you here, you know. I know how good you are, I know you could pull it off.
- Rollie Tyler: I didn't say I couldn't pull it off.
- Martin Lipton: Well, just direct it for me, supervise it.
- Rollie Tyler: Christ, you've seen too many movies.
- Col. Mason: Listen, Rollie. I know I don't have the right to ask you this.
- Rollie Tyler: Yeah, go on.
- Col. Mason: You know you're the only one who could do this job. You know that, Rollie. We're talking about a very special effect here. You've got the knowledge, you've got the experience. Without you, it just won't work.
- Rollie Tyler: [in shock] You want me to pull the trigger? Ah, terrific.
- Rollie Tyler: Hey, what's this? You don't smoke cigars.
- Andy: Rollie, please don't. It's personal.
- Rollie Tyler: Come on, Andy. I've known you for four years. What is it?
- Andy: Just don't look in there, okay?
- [opens the cigar box and it sprays him]
- Nicholas DeFranco: Jesus Christ, he cut the wiring.
- Col. Mason: We still got the advantage. He doesn't know the house, he doesn't know what room we're in.
- Nicholas DeFranco: Asshole. "He doesn't know what room we're in."
- Col. Mason: Will you shut up?
- Nicholas DeFranco: The light's still on in the hall. He playing with the fuse box. He's inside your fucking house.
- Lt. Leo McCarthy: Velez? You're a damn good cop. Thanks. Take all of Jamaica. And the Bronx, and Staten Island, too.
- Capt. Jake Wallenger: Not again, Leo. I want to hear it.
- Lt. Leo McCarthy: Well, you're gonna hear it, God damn it! Look. I busted my ass for six months for DeFranco, six months! He finally comes in and first he gets shipped off by Lipton, who gets him killed, for Christ's sake, and then, you assign the case to that asshole, Murdoch! Why, Jake? Why?
- Capt. Jake Wallenger: You wanna know why?
- Lt. Leo McCarthy: I wanna know why.
- Capt. Jake Wallenger: I'll tell you why. Because I have time to play wet nurse to some pathetic, angry cop who thinks he got the shaft.
- Lt. Leo McCarthy: I did get the shaft, for Christ's sake. You shafted me.
- Capt. Jake Wallenger: And you know why gets the glory? Because Murdock's not gonna piss people off. And, Leo, you piss people off.
- Roland 'Rollie' Tyler: Would you like coffee Mr Lightner?
- Martin Lipton: my name's not lightner it's Lipton
- Roland 'Rollie' Tyler: then perhaps you prefer tea.
- Martin Lipton: I'm not a movie producer.
- Roland 'Rollie' Tyler: Justice Department
- Martin Lipton: I just said I was a movie producer to get onto the set.
- Rollie Tyler: Would you like coffee Mr Lightner?
- Martin Lipton: my name's not lightner it's Lipton
- Rollie Tyler: then perhaps you prefer tea.
- Martin Lipton: I'm not a movie producer.
- Rollie Tyler: Justice Department
- Martin Lipton: I just said I was a movie producer to get onto the set.