Conan, o Destruidor

If you're looking for a deep, interesting and layered fantasy flick which makes sense and has an original story, go rent out the first Conan movie. Conan the Destroyer is pure Hollywood cheese, made because the Conan the Barbarian was such a hit. The studio execs made the story more light-hearted, with sidekicks and magic and the kind of story a thirteen-year-old could watch without getting in trouble.

Oddly enough, it works. While it's light years away from Robert E Howard's original Conan stories, Conan the Destroyer is still great fun, even twenty years after it was made. Arnold Schwarzenegger makes the most of the very silly lines he's given, Tracey Walter proves a capable if somewhat pointless comic foil, and the irony of casting Wilt Chamberlain as a protector of a young princess' virginity is hilarious.

Mako hams it up, Grace Jones takes it all too seriously and Olivia D'Abo makes for a good childlike princess because she was 16 when the film got made. The music's over-dramatic, the lines are laughable ("Some wizard you are! Go back to juggling apples!") and the story's cliché, but for Saturday night viewing, nothing beats Conan the Destroyer.

Possibly Interesting Trivia: This movie was produced by Raffaela De Laurentis, daughter of the famous Dino De Laurentis. She also produced the confusing big-budget epic "Dune". Both Dune and this movie flopped at the box office, and both were filmed in Mexico.

For fantasy-geeks like myself, this 1984 outing of the legendary swordsman is an interesting mix of highs and lows. The cinematography, costumes and settings are a high-point, remaining loyal to Frazetta's incredible illustrations.

Gone, unfortunately, is the first film's solid, adult screenplay. Howard's original, "Nietzschean" Conan is watered-down here, the director deciding to play for laughs (but Conan and his world just is'nt comedic).

Like the dialogue, the casting is sometimes hit and miss. Although Grace Jones (as the wild warrioress Zula) has been criticized as "over the top", she puts in a solid, believable performance. Sarah Douglas also shines as Queen Taramis, although we don't see enough of her! Arnie is adequate, as is Mako (who reprises his role here as a helpful wizard).

The film suffers most from poor special effects (an unforgivable crime for fantasy lovers)! It looks like they spent most of the budget on actors and settings, but even by 1980s standards, the monsters Conan faces were absurd.

Lessons were not learned, ending with the debacle of "Red Sonja" a year later. Arnie admitted that film to be "the worst he ever made". "Destroyer" amounts to harmless entertainment, lacking conviction, but watchable all the same.

Queen Taramis (Sarah Douglas) offers Conan the barbarian (Arnold Schwarzenegger) to bring back his love Valeria back from the dead. Conan and his sidekick Malak (Tracey Walter) is to escort Taramis' virgin niece Jehnna (Olivia d'Abo) to find a key and a jewel horn. Her bodyguard Bombaata (Wilt Chamberlain) accompanies them but Taramis tells him to double-cross Conan. On the way, Conan saves wizard Akiro (Mako) and Zula (Grace Jones) and they join the ragtag band of travelers.

It's sillier than the first movie. Its saving grace is that it's fun as long as you don't take it seriously. I think the dialog actually got more clunky. There is certainly nothing quite like this. Grace Jones looks crazy awesome. Mako and Tracey Walter are making jokes. Wilt Chamberlain is actually acting. At least he's not much worst than Arnie. Olivia d'Abo looks really pretty. This is one crazy group.

The plot moves on at a fair old pace from one big set piece to another and it is clear the film had a decent budget. In fact, I would say that this is excellent bubblegum sword and sorcery fodder except for a few minor, but annoying quirks. For one thing the comedy sidekick Malak is phenomenally irritating, badly acted, and takes any tension, interest etc out of any scene. Clearly they were going for a wider 'family' appeal with this film, but this was also clearly a decision made some time down the filming process. Most obviously this hits home during the fight scenes with some very choppy cutting as some of the more gruesome bits have been removed. And Conan's second encounter with the camel suffers from this too! That aside the cast carry off their roles with aplomb, Grace Jones in particular really getting across her character's zest for and love of combat. One of the better hack and slash films out there.

I have been captivated by Conan's heroic fantasy world for many years. For this reason alone I am rating this film as 6/10. Do not expect a continuation of the first Conan film. 'Conan The Destroyer' is too light in its scope and Conan is not the same man anymore. The villains are also not as menacing.

Having said that it was good to see Grace Jones and Sarah Douglas and also Conan's companions had good lines and were very funny at times.

As a side note I found the adjective 'Destroyer' in the title quite misleading and unfortunate. For those of us that read the Conan novels we see Conan driven by his own motivations, and fighting his battles only if he had to and not for the sake of destroying. The film distributors could have picked something else to promote the movie.