Ultra Flesh

On earth every male has become impotent, thanks to the general deviousness of a banana-republic dictator from outer space (Jamie Gillis, always great) and his hysterically cackling dwarf assistants. Spacebabe Seka, has to shoot genitally powered lasers on every human male to save humanity. I'm always glad to see porno's who can think of something to put in their movies besides endless sex, in this case a funny car-chase (without any cars, but with bicycles and babycarts). This is porno at its most silly, something for all those who liked `Flesh Gordon'.

If you like campy adult movies that are genuinely funny, this one is for you. It was made during a time when adult movies were shot on 35mm film for exhibition at adult movie theatres and drive-ins during their winter season. It's about a galactic babe (Seka) who comes the earth to battle the evil Sugarman who has made all the males on earth impotent. Ultra Flesh & her Fleshettes bend over backwards to assure the earth is saved from such an evil force. Genuinely funny with some corny acting thrown in, make this a definite classic of adult cinema.

According to this film's opening Star Wars-inspired 'crawl', the near-future of the 1990s sees a crisis hit the world: the men of Earth are rendered impotent by Sugarman (Jamie Gillis), an extraterrestrial with a Cuban accent (?) from the ice world Freon who wants to take over our planet. Humanity's only hope is a beautiful blonde space agent called Ultra Flesh who, with the help of her Fleshettes, can restore men's virility.

The only reason I watch an adult movie is if I think it can offer me something other than repetitive bump and grind. Ultra Flesh, for example, has an amusing sci-fi concept, with a sexy superhero who can fire erection beams from her crotch, an intergalactic council of bizarre aliens, a villain from a frozen planet under threat from global warming, a giant phallic papier-mâché construction, and a pair of mischievous midgets. Colour me intrigued.

Unfortunately, even with its more outlandish moments, this film is still quite the tedious experience. The sex scenes are filmed with little imagination, which renders them boring (no surprises there), but the bits inbetween aren't anywhere near as camp or bizarre enough to compensate. About the only things I enjoyed about the whole film were a Benny Hill-style speeded-up chase scene featuring the two little people -- one of whom is kinda scary looking and gets in on the sexy action, and one who is totally crazy ("Hoo-hoo-ha-ha-hyuck-hyuck!") -- and a head-scratching moment where the Earth's most powerful leaders ride the dodgems before getting down and dirty with Seka.

In the future of the 1990's, men are impotent and the President has no clue why. So he along with his cabinet head down to another country to see if they really are not impotent like Mr. Sugerman says. It turns out Mr. Sugerman is an alien out for global domination. It's up to another alien named Ultra Flesh (Seka) to cure the men of the World by shooting an erection beam from her... well I can't say on IMDb and still adhere to their guidelines. I've never been much a fan of Seka and found Angel Cash as the First lady much more appealing. I found this as boring as the only other Svetlana directed film that I have seen "Miami Spice"

My Porn Grade: D