Spasms

For years I heard reports about how utterly bad this movie was, so when I finally got a chance to see it, I wasn't expecting much - especially knowing the movie was also shelved for two years before getting a release.

As it turns out, I didn't find it completely bad. For starters, the production values were above average for a Canadian movie of the time (except for when we see the snake at the end - it does indeed look like it was made out of paper mache.) There are a few impressive gore effects (though not as much as you might think), and the sorority house attack sequence is pretty amusing. It was slow at times, but seldom could you find it boring.

But I won't deny that the movie is filled with problems. The editing is quite bad at times, with scenes cut short and some information seemingly missing. The whole "snake cult" subplot turns out to be for NOTHING - the movie would need very little additional rewriting if it was completely cut out. The scenes are mixed together with clumsiness - after Peter Fonda's character is introduced, it takes about half an hour before he returns! Ultimately the movie completely falls apart around the last 20 minutes or so, leading to an awful climax and ending. Not just awful, but abrupt - it's pretty clear the ending was considerably tinkered around with in the editing room for some reason. Could it originally have been even more awful than this? Quite possibly.

SPASMS tops my list for the best killer snake movie out there. Jason Kincaid (Oliver Reed) has this massive serpent captured and brought to the US because it killed his brother and he now shares some kind of psychic link with it (!). He enlists the help of psychologist Tom Brazilian (Peter Fonda) to study the animal and the mental connection, but they don't count on a group of snake worshiping Satanists (!!!) to complicate matters by accidentally setting the beast free. Amazingly, director William Fruet (FUNERAL HOME) gets the cast to play this entirely straight with Reed - who shot the snake themed VIPER (1981) the same year - really throwing himself into his crazy part (even if he seems to be whispering every line). The attack scenes are really well staged (a sorority house siege being the highlight) and DP Mark Irwin makes the movie look way better than it should. Dick Smith handled the gooey special effects; the bursting bodies are great 80s bladder effects but the snake is kept offscreen for the most part. Tangerine Dream supplied the "Serpent's Theme" for the soundtrack.

The same year as starring in killer snake movie Venom, Oliver Reed also appeared in killer snake move Spasms (although this film would be released two years later, in 1983). I'm not saying that the actor was in a rut (okay, that IS what I am saying), but surely he was making these movies for beer money. Peter Fonda, whose career was hardly on the up either, co-starred, but the real draw was surely the massive reptile itself: what a shame, then, that the snake remains hidden for most of the film (the animal's attacks employing blue-tinted snake POV shots), and is quite laughable when it is finally revealed.

Directed by William Fruet, the man behind such mediocre thrillers and chillers as Death Weekend, Killer Party and Blue Monkey, this scary snake flick stars Ollie as Jason Kincaid, who has been cursed with nightmares ever since he was bitten by a supposedly supernatural snake that appears once every seven years in deepest Micronesia (the same part of the world where the strange plant in Blue Monkey originated). Wanting to put an end to his terrifying dreams, Kincaid has the creature captured and shipped to the States, and enlists help from expert in psychic phenomena Dr. Tom Brasilian (fnarr, fnarr!), played by Fonda. Unfortunately, an evil snake cult are keen to acquire the deadly serpent, and accidentally release it during a bungled raid on Brasilian's laboratory.

The ensuing chaos includes Brasilian and Kincaid's niece Suzanne (Kerrie Keane) coming face-to-fang with the escaped snake in a greenhouse (a scene that provides a 'parrot scare', a variation on the classic 'cat scare'), the snake going crazy in a sorority house (the reptile launching the body of one victim through a shower screen where another girl is washing herself), and the snake's hilarious slither through a crowded park, which allows Fruet to include a shot of a well endowed woman on roller skates (camera levelled at her chest) and a buxom blonde in a tiny pink bikini playing frisbee.

Hot woman in one-size-too-small swimwear aside, the film's most memorable moments come courtesy of make-up effects legend Dick Smith, who uses some terrific bladder effects to show the result of the snake's bite: as the victims go into shock, their veins bulge and their flesh swells until the pressure causes the skin to burst. I only wish there had been more of Smith's work, 'cos it's really good.

Fruet wraps things up leaving several plot threads unresolved: an incestuous relationship between Kincaid and his niece is hinted at and then totally ignored, while the snake cult conveniently vanishes. The rushed finale sees Kincaid using his psychic connection with the snake to track it down and try to kill it, Reed wandering around his house, having psychic flashbacks to the snake's previous victims (thereby padding out the runtime a tad), before meeting his scaly nemesis. Having only seen glimpses of the creature thus far, we finally understand why: it's rubbish. The Ollie vs Snake showdown is very disappointing: Kincaid is killed all too quickly, Brasilian arriving on the scene moments later to shoot the (now stationary) reptile in the head with his machine gun. It all sssseeems a little too eassssy for my liking (sssorry, I couldn't resssisssst).

"The Guardian of the Gates of Hell.. The ultimate terror as it rips into your flesh" So promises the British VHS release. Oliver Reed stars as a millionaire businessman living in the US who shares a psychic link with a giant South American snake that killed his brother. Yeap! This has got to be one of the silliest plots ever. As a big fan of Reed watching this film did give me a certain amount of pleasure and it is not his worst movie either. Peter Fonda also stars but for me Reed gives the better performance. The snake attacks are quite gory and fun, plus they employ POV shots. Although the snake itself is not very convincing some of the effects for the bite wounds are pretty good. The makers throw in a gratuitous naked girl in the shower scene for good measure. But the film is not terribly well made, microphone booms appear and although set in the US the Canadian filming locations are not convincing. I do believe that this snake even growls! There is no denying that Spasms is a bad movie, however I got some enjoyment from it and would watch it again.

Nothing qualifies such bad reviews of a movie called "Spasms". It's about a giant snake and Oliver Reed shares telepathic powers with it. What more is there to expect? Not likely another early 80s director with a diminished Canadian budget could have done better. There's lovely gore effects, some effective shocks, and Oliver Reed emotional and tormented by his predicament. Unfortunately, there is also Peter Fonda and his terrible female costar. But at least one man undergoes such massive spasms he first tranforms into Robert Z'Dar, then pops. Not much more I can ask for than that. For all its sloppy editing and a plot which contains too much unresolved material, the movie delivers its share of drive-in quality thrills. Plus, the Tangerine Dream end credits piece rocks.