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Smokey and the Bandit (part one, that is) was a really funny movie with a great Burt Reynolds. But this time around, almost everything goes wrong. Almost...

Because there is this one scene at the beginning of the movie as Jackie Gleason spoofs 'Patton', and I loved that part (as I love Patton), but that's about all the joy this movie gave me...

Cledus 'the snowman' is the bandit in this one, as Burt Reynolds turned it down (and rightfully so), but he's so awful it's hard to describe. If he'd said 'I am the bandit, I am the bandit' one more time I would've slapped him in the face.

As everybody deserves a good slapping after making this one. One question left: What were they thinking?

2/10.

Sheriff Buford T. Justice (Jackie Gleason) is retiring despite never having caught the Bandit. Big Enos and Little Enos challenges him to transport a fish sign from Florida to Texas for his beloved badge. After getting hounded, Buford accepts the challenge with his son as his co-pilot. Big Enos hires Snowman (Jerry Reed) for $250k who dresses up to be the new Bandit. Dusty Trails (Colleen Camp) has have enough of her lecherous boss and quits on TV. She hitches a ride with the new Bandit.

This is a mess and I don't care about any of it. Other than the archival opening, Burt and Sally are not even in this movie. It is really Smokey and the Fake Bandit. The movie doesn't even make geographic sense. He leaves Florida for a shortcut through Mexico which is complete non-sense. The first two movies survived on Burt and Sally's charisma and chemistry. That cannot be recreated with Fake Bandit. It's an impossible task.

Call me weird, but I love bad movies. I just get a kick out of seeing what a couple of million dollars really means to Hollywood. In this case, it doesn't mean much. Smokey 3 is one of the biggest stinkers ever produced by a major studio. Besides asking the obvious questions that this movie poses (Why would "The Great One" actually star in this disaster and how could Universal create, release, and advertise this movie and still be able to sleep at night?), you have got to wonder one thing...where in the heck did all of these ramps come from? One example (out of too many to count) is how Jerry Reed (Snowman posing as Bandit) actually jumps his Firebird out of his garage...from a dead stop...huh?? The plot is putrid, the supporting cast is horrible (Jerry Reed used to be lovably annoying as Snowman...all he can do here is utter obnoxious one-liners and triple-speak while hooting and hollering about getting to pretend to be Burt Reynolds), and there is actually a point during all this mess when the pity for Gleason lifts, and you actually want something to fall from the sky onto Buford T. Justice and end it all. But watch this movie...I beg you...this is the worst bad movie ever made, and it is worth the rental money to spend 1 and 1/2 hours being embarrassed for the families and friends of everyone who had a hand in this disaster.

There have been lots of dumb and unnecessary sequels throughout the history of Hollywood, but "Smokey and the Bandit Part 3" was sure a doozy. Really, a second "Bandit" movie was too much, but at least the sequel had the entire cast back and was funny at times. Neither can be said about this film.

Like with most bad movies, the whole central thesis of this film is wrong. Here, the crime is screwing around with story continuity. Sheriff Buford T. Justice (Jackie Gleason) is entertaining as a foil for the Bandit, but making him the main character is just insane.

The "plot" to this little travesty is that Justice and his simpleminded son Junior (Mike Henry) must transport a plastic shark cross country that's going to be the mascot for Big and Little Enis Burdett's new fast food franchise in exchange for $250,000. However, the Enises intend to make his life miserable by impeding his progress at every turn, and even enlist the help of Cletus "The Snowman" Snow (Jerry Reed) to impersonate the Bandit and try to steal the fish away.

Along the way, Justice acquires a big, ugly female admirer, gets involved in motor hijinks, and tries to steal back the fish from Cletus and Dusty Trails (Colleen Camp), a former used car salesman who hooks up with the faux Bandit for no discernible reason other than it's in the script.

All right, at this point you're going "WTF?" and rightly so. This whole film is a mess. How can a movie filled with stunts and action scenes be so boring? Very, very easily. Just put together filmmakers with no talent or vision, give them a script that's hackneyed at best, and let 'er rip!

The movie is filled with stupid and pointless scenes. A long sequence feature Ku Klux Klan members attacking two black truck drivers is tasteless and poorly realized, and is indicative of the movie's general theme -- crude sequences thrown together with little rhyme or reason.

The only part of the movie that made me laugh was a brief sequence where Buford and Junior Justice are in a hotel room filled with sexual deviants, and each time they open door Buford comments on the situation. "Looks like a union meeting," he mentions, followed by "Get away from that or you'll get the herpes!" which are both just as stupid as anything else in this movie. An opening sequence spoofing "Patton" made me crack a smile, but that was all.

Reed is simply awful in the role of the Bandit, and plays the role like a third grader who got the part of a lifetime and can't stop gleaming. Maybe someone should have told him that being proxy to a legend isn't a compliment.

And of course, the big question is: WHERE IS BURT REYNOLDS? The answer? AS FAR AWAY FROM THIS MOVIE AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE! Heck, compared to this, "Cannonball Run 2" is a masterpiece. And yes, it did hurt to say that.

Gleason should have known better, but still, any moment he's on screen is a welcome relief in this turkey. His Southern-baked comments are old hat but this time, but at least they remind of you of a time when his character was actually entertaining. And he sure beats the endless amount of screen time eaten up by Paul Williams and Pat McCormick extra corny dialogue as the Enises. They're just bad. Really bad.

In the only inspired moment of the movie, Reynolds shows up in a brief cameo dream sequence near the end, almost like a bone being tossed to the audiences who stuck it out through the whole film. The scene isn't funny, but it shows that there is some sort of epic relationship between Smokey and the Bandit. The sequence belonged in a better movie, but sadly, that will never happen now.

What else? Oh yeah, what can you say about a race movie so bad that even Hal Needham won't direct it? His replacement, Dick Lowry, seems to have no particular talent of his own, and justly returned to directing television shortly after. Screenwriters Stuart Birnbaum and David Dashev worked on one more movie together, the 1987 comedy "Summer School" which is actually pretty good, but never wrote another script. I suppose it's best to bow out with something good on your resume.

One final note -- there is apparently a whole different version of this film where Gleason plays both Justice and the Bandit that test audiences were not very fond of. Reed was added for new footage to fill the gaps, which explains why he doesn't even show up until half an hour into the movie. I doubt the first version could have been worse than the finished product.

The first "Smokey and the Bandit" was at least a fun experience. This is just a third rate rip-off, even going so far as to shamelessly steal scenes from the first movie, only redoing them in horrible fashion. This whole movie is a lifeless, by-the-numbers effort, and completely devoid of any true redeeming qualities. Unless you really enjoyed the first two movies and have some sort of sick curiosity, I suggest you avoid this abortion of a movie at all costs.

Two out of ten stars. A sad waste of Gleason's talent in the final years of his life, and now thankfully a largely forgotten motion picture.

Smokey and the Bandit Part 3 (1983)

* 1/2 (out of 4)

Big and Little Enos bet Buford T. Justice (Jackie Gleason) $250,000 that he can't complete a day's ride in the time they give him. If he doesn't he must hang up his badge forever. The sheriff decides to take the bet and soon the Enos' boys hire The Bandit (Jerry Reed) to try and slow him down.

SMOKEY AND THE BANDIT PART 3 probably never should have been made. The previous film's director Hal Needham and star Burt Reynolds weren't interested in many this because they were tied up with STOKER ACE. This didn't stop Universal as they made the film with Gleason playing both the sheriff and The Bandit but test audiences hated the film so then Reed was brought back and the end results are what you see.

I must say, this is certainly the worst film in the series and it's awful on many levels but at the same time I think it's much better than STOKER ACE. With that said, there's no question that this movie shouldn't have been made as there's just not enough going on with it to make it worthy of the previous two films. What's more shocking is that the original version with Gleason in both roles has yet to ever be released, which is a real shame. I'd love to see exactly what it was like.

The problem with this movie is that it just as an incredibly cheap feel to it. From start to finish you can tell that they are using editing to try and make something out of very little. Even the car chasing are really lacking here as you can tell they don't have that magic touch that Needham brought to the first two films. Crashing through bags of ice, a milk truck and other items is mildly entertaining but none of it makes you really excited.

As for Gleason, I'm sorry but even with bad material he's still quite funny at times. The jokes here are usually pretty lame but he still gets a few good lines in. The majority of the humor comes from putting him in weird situations and this includes running into the KKK, arriving at a nude colony and there's even an orgy at a motel. None of these situations are funny and we're basically relying on Gleason's one-liners. Reed is wasted in his few scenes in the film and even the late appearance by Reynolds can't save the film.

SMOKEY AND THE BANDIT PART 3 has an awful reputation and more times than not it's not even brought up in discussions. It's easy to see why people hate the film but I think its reputation is much worse than the picture actually is.