Pink Motel

Dismal, unfunny "comedy" about the goings on at a flea bag, by-the-hour hotel. HOT_L BALTIMORE it ain't.

Starring Slim Pickens and Phyllis Diller, who seem ashamed to be part of the proceedings. Sadly, this was Slim's last movie.

Whether you want to seriously waste 90 minutes of your life on this mess, or perhaps are having trouble to sleep; you run the risk of needing therapy afterwards. Tom Bodett will not leave the light on for you at this place. You have been warned.

NOT RECOMMENDED.

Do not go into this expecting a riotous comedy, because a few chuckles are all you will get. Do not go into this expecting to see Phyllis Diller and Slim Pickens a lot, because they are criminally under used. What you actually get is a full length feature film that plays like a sex education and relationship primer. Plenty of female hand holding, along with lots of male begging. The story revolves around four couples, a virginal stud football player and his latest admirer, a pair of "first time" high school kids, a married lawyer and his "main squeeze", and two frat-type stuck on themselves "loverboys", and their pick ups from a local bar. The movie almost talks itself to death, but there are moments of nudity that might make you forget how boring things seem. - MERK

Eight o'clock on a Friday evening several couples rock up at the cheap, but welcoming Pink Motel, with one thing on mind. You got two teenagers looking to further development their relationship, a couple whose affair seems to be wailing, a star running back of a local university football team enlisting the help of a hooker to overcome his virginity and two supposed studs looking for a one-night-stand.

Some films seem to come and go without making much of a scene. Usually there might be circumstances surrounding it. "Pink Motel" is one of those films that are never talked about. Coming out around that period when teen sex comedies were the in thing. I guess "Pink Motel" just didn't cut it for most and I can see probably why? It's a sex comedy that's more concerned about telling a story, focusing on its characters and thoughtful narrative arrangement with the sex shenanigans becoming seconds to the every growing drama that's developing. Sure it can be silly, but I found amusing. Characters come and go with the action being limited to the hotel rooms. For some it could be too talky, but I found the writing to be clever and the dialogues sharp and punchy. It's not all that daring or raunchy, but consisting of a sweet charm. The cast are mainly no-names with the likes of Phyllis Diller and Slim Pickens (who share are great rapport as the hotel owners and this would be Pickens final film) being the headliners, but they're not in it all that much. The rest of the cast give acceptable performances with the busty Kathi Sawyer-Young being the pick of the lot. What's going on behind these doors differ and the circumstances surrounding them bring their own unique laughs.

"Pink Motel" is about a motel that four different couples use to have sex.

Sample dialogue: "Do you think the romance has gone out of our affair? We're the only people who smoke BEFORE we have sex."

One couple features a football player who triumphantly describes a touchdown he scored to his date, who strips as he goes, as uninterested in his tale as he, apparently, is in her body. This scene just goes on and on, and then the movie cuts back to it later, with a close-up of the girl's impassive countenance, if we hadn't yet gotten the point of the scene. It is then revealed that she is a prostitute. The football jock (character actor Tony Longo) wants to "get to know" the girl before they do it. She, as a working girl, isn't interested in this.

It is revealed that the jock is a virgin, and hence uncomfortable about sex.

In another scene, a rat-faced yuppie type feels a woman's breast and guesses its size. She feels his groin and does the same. Earlier, there was a strange scene where the yuppie seems to be threatening and physically dominating the woman, holding her up against a wall, but the scene seems to be played for laughs.

The dialogue is a little smarter than I expected, but I doubt I'll remember anything about this movie once it is over.

The couple who provided the dialogue at the beginning of this review are revisited, but their problems don't change and aren't developed. She thinks he isn't making enough of an effort.

Neither were the screenwriters. These couples are introduced, and some of even register as distinct from the others, but then the movie does nothing with it.

The rat-faced yuppie guy is only notable because, when he strips off, he wears leopard print briefs. The other guys in the movie wear striped boxers.

There is yet another couple, with a guy who reminded me of a third-rate Michael J. Fox. This one doesn't register either, there's nothing to say about it, and nothing to set it apart.

When the cheating guy asks, "Is it over?" I was hoping his mistress would answer, "Yes," and we would be done with their storyline. Predictably, it went on and on, with more dialogue that did nothing but show the actors could handle a sitcom.

I thought it might be a plus that some of the characters in this movie actually stand out from the others, ie. the virgin jock, the cheating husband and his disaffected mistress. The trouble is that they are not developed at all and quickly become tedious, and I started to dread seeing them on screen.

Three of the four women involved in these four couplings appear topless, but typically, there's not a hint of pubic hair. Why was that considered beyond the pale?

Oh, and the elderly man and woman who own the hotel are played by Phyllis Diller and Slim Pickens. You'd think the screenwriters would have given these two showbiz legends something to do.

You see the front cover of Pink Motel, you think you're in for a sex comedy, where you're gonna see naked bodies running around every five minutes. WRONG. WAY WRONG. What you're gonna see are four stories, as we cut back and forth from room to room, with over length dialogue (most of it bad) where occasionally we're treated to some screen time from the leads who run this famous motel. For those who don't know, the Pink Motel is an American icon, that's used in a a lot of other movies. It's hard to suppress your disappointment with this 80's flick. What you get instead, is a young couple getting ready for that special night, the girl, very indecisive about doing it, spouting a line like, "I'm not sure this is how I'd really like to remember it". Next we have a weasel of a lawyer and his hot looking mistress, also in the judicial system, who argue through nearly all of their screen time, you almost want to go in there and shoot them, they are really that annoying. When they make up, and good ol' George thinks everything's square again, check out the lipstick message on the back of his shirt, he's oblivious to. It almost makes sitting through their arguing duel worth it. Revenge is also served, viewer wise, when George goes to the front desk, and is overcharged for a bottle of champagne, $140, if I remember correctly. Pricey, hey? Then we have hunk pro football player (Tony Longo of course, The Last Boy Scout bring back any memories) who nearly side scrapes George's car when pulling into the lot. He finally admits to his current girl, a skimpy babe, he's da da, a virgin. Who cares, really? Longo's also pretty annoying, talking football non stop. When in the room, he talks an old game, gestures and all (I'm sure for her benefit) when all the girl wants to do is have sex. He just won't let up. He's funny though. When he admits his virginity, it actually comes as a sheer relief. And last but not least, are the hot looking 20's foursome, that add some spark to this flick. Skip's a hoot. He's so full of vain, but he should learn how to better prepare drinks. Him and his mate should be trusting of women, as you'll find out, if viewing this. Despite of all of what I've just written, I still enjoy this flick. Call me mad, most people do, ha ha, but this movie does have something going something for it. I only wish I knew what.