Homework

My review was written in August 1982 after a Times Square screening.

"Homework" is a very poorly-made sex comedy about a high school boy's problems in losing his virginity. Filmed circa 1979 with the alternate title "Growing Pains", picture predates Jensen Farley's hit pickup "Private Lessons", but offers exploitation possibilities as a followup release.

Evidencing plentiful post-production doctoring (mainly in the form of added nude scenes), "Homework" is truly a mixed bag, alternating dead-serious (bordering on pathos at times) depictions of the problems young teen Tommy (Michael Morgan) with poor-taste gags and softcore sex. Episodic screenplay also covers his pals' antics: Ralph (Lanny Horn) with a crush on the cute substitute French teacher (Lee Purcell); g.f. Sheila (Erin Donovan) obsessed with swim team practice and Lisa (Shell Kepler) hoping to use their vocal group The Flies as a stepping stone.

Plot payoff has Sheila's mom Diana (Joan Collins) lusting after young Tommy and finally introducing him to sex (with the aid of poorly matched double Joy Michael, who also portrays Diana at age 16 in several crudely inserted flashback scenes).

"Homework" ironically also strikes a blow against serious-minded efforts in the exploitation field. While out-and-out silly and frivolous teen pics are easy to watch (viz., the many American International and Crown International hits of the last two decades), this film's serious scenes clash with viewer's expectations and the rest of the package. It is dreary and tedious to see Tommy pouring his problems out to school psychologist Dr. Delingua (Carrie Snodgress) or traipse around the seamy Sunset Strip, forlorn amidst a barrage of sexual enticements. Instead of being funny, his bed scene of impotency with a hooker is distasteful. Documentary-trained lighting cameraman Paul Goldsmith stresses source lighting for a "realistic" look, which runs counter to the comedy and results in dim, ugly interiors.

Well-known adult cast plays second-fiddle to the kids, with Collins a steady trouper even when assigned to staring at a kid's jeans-clad crotch for a whole scene. Purcell is winning as the nervous teacher, though her role and that of the psychologist played by Snodgress are peripheral. Betty Thomas (later of "Hill St. Blues") has a ten-second bit part as rock star Wings Hauser's secretary. Biggest laughs of the film go to Mel ("Little Shop of Horrors") Welles and Beverly Todd, as doctor and clinic receptionist.

Within 5 minutes of this teenage romp we see a shaggy hair blonde kid scribbling in his notebook under the bedroom lamp, dream sequences about Porn-actresses being photographed by sleazy men and the same young man and his friend smoking a joint at their lockers while subsequently ogling half naked girls through a door vent. When a movie starts out this cheesy you are immediately forewarned of what you are getting into or what one might think they hope to donate their precious time to, a guilty pleasure. Unfortunately, Homework doesn't get any better. Joan Collins, as the tigress who allures young Michael, ends up looking shoddy and lascivious instead of the wise seductress she is meant to be. This movie is filled with 3rd rate acting and the directing is what one would expect from a novice High School student directing his first movie. The film looks so bad that you could easily mistake this for 16mm or even 8mm. Usually I can laugh and enjoy these old teen movies for the freak value and nostalgic curios they offer. But not this one. Oddly enough, the movie ends on a strangely sad note with the two male friends walking down Hollywood Boulevard whereupon they strike up a conversation about the possibility of making it in motion pictures. The credits roll and this moody ballad about trying to be a star ends this horrible picture. Are we supposed to feel morose? Happy? Inspired? More like ripped off.

I suppose you could call it a feature length after school special. Homework touches on some strange subjects though (I wish after school specials had been this interesting) including having sex with your girlfriends mom and how to cope with getting vd from a rock star. It's somewhat likeable, but I recommend watching it for the camp value alone.

This movie was billed as the next best thing to "Private Lessons". The movie was marketed on the misperceived sex goddess status of Joan Collins. She never goes Mary Kay LeTourneau. All you get to see is a really weak teen soap opera. My sister, her fiancé,and I went to this movie and left it with the same reaction we had to Porkies; a triumph of marketing for not a lot of movie. Joan Collins does some flashbacks of her youth and then she was an active participant in romance; it was a low level rip off of the Graduate. The teen band sequence was a bad version of the Mickey Rooney/Judy Garland OK kids, let's put on a show. The end was not even very climactic; the two male leads walking out of a movie theater and talking of trying to make a movie just like when they started a band.

This has to be one of the worst movies I have ever seen. I assume that was supposed to build on movies like Fame as well as your usual teen high school comedy, but this movie fails in every aspect. At less than 90 minutes, the film is still too long and boring, the dialogue is rather silly and the music/rock star image being portrayed is quite odd, even for the time. The movie features some gratuitous nudity, but even these scenes are rather dumb. The whole styling reminds me of Boogie Nights era adult movies, but is seriously lacking in appeal. Most of the actors were (and stayed) unknown, at least one scene is done with a body double.

If you see this movie advertised in your TV program guide, my suggestion is change the channel immediately and watch Class instead.