La guerra del ferro: Ironmaster

Despite it's Frank Frazetta-style, Conan-esque cover art, Umberto Lenzi's Ironmaster is actually like one of those Hammer cavemen films featuring grunting cro-magnons, or the more serious French film Quest for Fire (1981), only this being an Italian rip-off, the prehistoric humans speak perfect English (at least in the version I saw) and there's not a stop-motion creature to be seen (but there are some plastic mammoths and a tribe of monkey-like neanderthals). And like Hammer's films - One Million Years B.C., When Dinosaurs Ruled the Earth and Creatures the World Forgot - the cave-women are all ravishing beauties in small animal-skin bikinis. Coming from the director that gave us Cannibal Ferox and Eaten Alive!, one can also expect a smattering of brutal violence as well.

And yet, behind all of the blatant silliness and skull-crushing action, Lenzi's film is actually a thought-provoking allegory about the cold war. No, seriously.

The story concerns a tribe of cavemen whose leader is thinking of stepping down and handing the reins to kindly muscleman Ela (Sam Pasco), instead of his hotheaded son Vood (George Eastman). Miffed, Vood brains his father with a stone axe and tries to take leadership, but having witnessed the murder, Ela speaks up, and Vood is run out of Bedrock (but not before killing the tribe's shaman as well). While stomping around at the foot of an erupting volcano (as you do), Vood discovers a long, sword-shaped piece of iron, and returns to his tribe brandishing his indestructible weapon, this time successfully seizing control and exiling Ela.

As Ela roams the land, encountering hilarious naked monkey-men and befriending gorgeous (but, sadly, not naked) blonde Isa (Elvire Audray), Vood and his followers mine the black rock from the slopes of the volcano, smelting its iron to make more swords, before setting about enslaving neighbouring tribes. Isa's people - peace-loving fishermen who see no need for weapons - are easily overpowered by Vood and his cronies, but Ela helps them to fight back, training them in the art of combat and inventing the bow and arrow in his spare time. When Vood hears that Ela is in the village, he and his men launch an attack but are surprised to be met by resistance.

No prizes for guessing that the good guys win, after which they ditch their weapons in a lake. Peace and love and all that.

Let's be honest though, we don't watch this kind of film for thinly veiled messages about the arms race and the need for nuclear disarmament; we watch it for the exploitative elements and unintentional lols, and there are plenty of those: Vood might have discovered Iron, but Ela is quite obviously keeping schtum about his stash of steroids and baby oil, while Isa appears to have access to lipstick and eye-shadow; Vood's scheming female side-kick Lith (Pamela Prati) struggles unsuccessfully to remain inside her bikini top; the costumes for the ape-like neanderthals come complete with genitalia; the speed at which the cavemen develop advanced weapon-making skills is quite remarkable; likewise, Ela and company's marksmanship with their crude bows and arrows is nothing short of amazing. Lenzi's fans will also be delighted by the gore: we get Vood's father's smushed head, a couple of severed arms, and numerous arrows in various body parts.

I'm not about to pretend that Ironmaster is a good film - it's unlikely to appear in anyone's all-time Top 10 - but for those appreciate cheesy Italian films, there should be plenty to enjoy. 5.5/10, rounded up to 6 for a couple of fun special effects (including a model volcano and a nice matte painting) and for Vood's manky lion head-dress.

OK, OK... So Iron Master isn't a great Masterpiece and blah, blah, blah..., but it was released in the same year I was born, so that makes it cool, OK?! Seriously though, I know it isn't a great movie and I know that the cover has nothing to do with the movie, but let's be honest, if it wasn't for that cover, we would never have watched the movie in the first place and never experienced the only movie that's so bad, it's actually good. I consider it an education watching someone's attempt at making a good movie with a low budget. It shows a love for the art of film-making and you have to admire the effort that went into the plot, even though there are a few holes here and there. If I were to choose between watching Clockwork Orange and Iron Master again, I'd choose Iron Master without a second though. FACT! I like this movie. I watched it for the first time when I was 11 and still remember the story, theme, feel and inspiration it brought to my young imagination. At the least, I'd give it a 6/10

This flick deals about the struggle of primitive cavemen and their battle each other , against nature and other creatures as boars , gorillas , Buffalos and lions . A tale that takes place at the dawn of history . This is a story of a long , long ago when the world was just beginning . A young world , a world early in the morning of time . A hard , unfriendly world with creatures that sit and wait , creatures as bison and lions that must kill to live . And man , superior to the creatures only in his cunning . There aren't many men , a few tribes scattered across the wilderness , they discover ¨Iron¨ and weapons and use them for their own survival. Never venturing far , unaware that other tribes exist even , too busy with their own lives to be curious . Too frightened of the unknown to wander . Their laws are simple , the strong take everything . The movie tells the story of a tribe that discovers how to fashion weapons out of iron . However, the creation of iron also causes the tribe to battle for possession of the new arms that encounter surrounded by volcanoes in an earth-splitting volcanic eruption . Caveman named Ela (Pasco , a body-builder in his only film) is banished from his savage tribe by a new leader called Vood (the tall George Eastman or Luigi Montefiori who starred numerous Spaghetti and horror movies). There is no love between them and confrontation emerges . Ela meets a cave woman named Isa (a beautiful Elvira Audray who starred "White Slave") from a pacific tribe , both of whom trying to make a life for themselves . Meantime , they confront subhuman , cannibalistic apes . Ele finds a brief home among a group of gentle primitive men whose chief is Mogo (William Berger , a notorious actor in several B films of the 70s and 80s) . A bit later on , they take on rival clan .

This is an exciting story of adventure , battles , thrills and romance . The tale provides sweeping and moving entertainment and some FX , being recreated by means of traditional effects . This is a humdrum adaptation based on primitive men existence from a screenplay and story by the same filmmaker , Umberto Lenzi along with Luciano Martino and Alberto Cavallone . This is an acceptable adventure movie though packs absurd situations and cheesy frames . Atmospheric as well as ridiculous caveman movie contains bemusing scenes when appears the bouncing He man and takes place his confrontation to nasty warriors in some lousily made scenes , including corny special effects . In the picture appears various familiar faces from Italian B series such as William Berger , Ottaviano Dell'Acqua , Nello Pazzafini , Jacques Herlin , Benito Stefanelli , Giovanni Cianfriglia or Ken Wood , a Steve Reeves's stunt , a gorgeous Pamela Prati and Pietro Torrisi who nicknamed Peter McCoy starred various Sword and Witchery films . The picture has numerous "older technique" FX such as transparency , matte paintings, rubber-suited men who wear make-up like apes , reverse-footage to create certain images ; all of them were made by Paolo Ricci and the great Emilio Ruiz Del Rio for foreground miniatures and matte scenarios . You will watch it and think it is either awful , hilarious, a masterpiece, or all three . It's a slight fun with embarrassing images , naive special effects , campy set decoration and passable art direction . Although critics do not appreciate much this picture ; however has a kind of loopy, Ed Wood quality that must be endured to be totally considered . The fable is sometimes silly and laughable , though a few naif effects and action are professionally made . Some illogical parts in the argument are more than compensated for the excitement provided by the violent fights among primitive men and appearance of several animals such as Lions , bison ; in fact , a boar and a lion were wrongfully sacrificed in this picture .

The tale was middling directed by Umbert Lenzi, he used the pseudonym Hank Milestone and Humphrey Logan . Umberto made his directorial debut with ¨Queen of the Seas¨ (1961) . Other pirate/sword flicks followed, starting with ¨Pirates of Malaysia¨ (1964) starred by Steeve Reeves, which was part of the height of the career of fictitious tales of historic legendary characters including Robin Hood , Catherine the Great, Zorro , Sandokan and Maciste . He subsequently directed a ¨Fumetti¨ titled The mask of Kriminal (1966) . After directing a war film and two "spaghetti westerns," Lenzi turned to the Giallo genre with ¨Orgasmo¨ (1969). During the 1970s, Lenz filmed a number of Giallo and thrillers , among them : ¨So Sweet, So Perverse¨, ¨Seven Blood-Stained Orchids¨ and ¨Eyeball¨ . Lenzi turned to the police thrillers called ¨Polizieschi¨, which rejuvenated his confidence and his popularity . Titles like ¨Almost Human¨ , ¨Free Hand For a Tough Cop¨ and ¨Brothers Till We Die¨ were the most popular and brutal of the thrillers . Lenzi is an expert on wartime genre such as he proved in ¨Desert commandos¨ , ¨Battle of commandos¨ , ¨From hell to victory¨ , ¨Young Lions¨ and ¨Bridge to hell¨. Prior to the Polizieschi, Lenzi directed ¨Man from Deep River¨ , which was the start of the Italian cannibal sub-genre . Later on , he directed two very gory jungle cannibal features , ¨Eaten Alive¨ and ¨Make Them Die Slowly ¨which was banned in 31 countries, made Lenzi distance himself from the cannibal genre . Then Lenzi directed ¨Nightmare City¨ (1980) , a zombie flick , and this ¨Iron Master¨(1983) .

My review was written in August 1985 after watching the movie on Prism video cassette.

Made in 1982, "Ironmaster" is an Italian adventure fantasy right off the assembly line that has copied recent trends in Yank and Aussie action pics. In this case, it's mainly "Quest for Fire" time, though the primitive men here are far more advanced.

George Eastman is in the tile role, portraying a power-hungry Iron Age man who discovers the art of iron smelting and uses it to make swords. He has been passed over by his tribe elders who want a woman to succeed them, but Eastman as Vude plans to conquer his and other neighboring tribes.

In opposition is young muscleman Aela (Sam Pasco), who not only steals Vude's swords but invents a bow & arrow to easily subdue the baddies. Corny finish has him destroying all these weapons of war after they've done the job.

Picture is strictly routine, with no nudity, discreet (mainly) violence and little period atmosphere. Lensing is competent, including unusual (for this genre) locations, shot in South Dakota, with a small buffalo herd grazing nearby.

This was directed by prolific Italian filmmaker Umberto Lenzi who boasts numerous directorial credits in a wide array of film genres including a number of (in)famous horror outings and some very gritty crime dramas.

Fans of Italian B-movies will instantly delight in seeing big George Eastman in the role of the main villain (as he is very often type cast) who, inadvertently brings about the inception of the Iron Age(!)

Scouring the internet, I have found nothing but disdain and vituperation for this film with some reviewers even going so far as to apply the ignominious label of 'The worst movie ever made' upon it. Whilst the film is admittedly certainly no masterpiece by any stretch of the imagination, it is in fact not nearly as bad as it's sullied reputation would have us believe.

What we have here in effect is a sort of semi-documentary detailing the sudden great psychological and sociological evolution of early human kind as precipitated by the discovery of more puissant weaponry.

OK, so it is somewhat base in it's linear execution, logic is not a trait it is particularly rich in, the acting is not exactly Oscar material and the special effects are shall we say, severely wanting, but despite this, the film is actually rather intriguing.

The ending especially, is surprisingly rather poignant for this genre and is quite refreshing.

Special mention must also be made of the title score for the film, which is one of those tunes you'll find yourself humming for days!!!

Overall then, whilst woefully inaccurate in its historical context, this film is nonetheless rather fascinating in its inimitable depiction of a bygone people and their turbulent way of life.