A Invasão das Aranhas Gigantes

Giant Spider Invasion is a low budget monster movie reminiscent of the giant bug invasion pictures of the 50's but it was actually shot in the 70's. It's all very predictable, these giant spider eggs travel to earth on board some meteorites and land in a small Wisconsin town. People start disappearing, cattle are found mutilated and things just aren't quite right. Needless to say, it's up to the local Sheriff, astronomer and out of town NASA specialist to find out and ultimately confront the source of the strange things going on. Of course it's all being caused by these giant spiders that are running amok, devouring everyone in sight. The effects are pretty bad and the acting is very hammy but it's all part of the fun. Amazingly, they actually built full sized giant spiders for this film and although they look terrible, it's wonderful to see these massive creatures roaming the Wisconsin country side wreaking havoc where ever they go. Giant Spider Invasion is good mindless fun that's better than 90% of the horror/sci-fi films being made these days.

Bill Rebane is in the directors' chair for this endearingly tacky 1970s continuation of 1950s monster movie themes. It's the kind of thing that you simply have to see for yourself. It may not be "Them!" or even "Tarantula", but its sincerity combined with its utter schlockiness makes it pretty hard to resist. The special effects (yes, this viewer knew going in that the titular creature was "played" by a car) are just as wonderfully absurd as a person could want. Most of the actors put on their best poker faces, which only makes the silliness of the proceedings that much more enjoyable.

Somehow or other, a black hole has opened up a path, on Earth, to another dimension, and from it emerge geodes that give birth to tarantulas, as well as one enormous mother of a super tarantula that rampages to the best of its ability. Among those trying to figure out the cause of the creatures' existence, and the means of destroying it, are scientists J.R. Vance (Steve Brodie) and Jenny Langer (Barbara Hale).

It's the lack of quality filmmaking in rural productions like this (it's set and filmed in Wisconsin) that makes them quality entertainment. "The Giant Spider Invasion" does not disappoint, and lives up to its reputation. What's even more amazing is that veterans such as Brodie and Hale roped their families into participating: Brodies' son Kevin plays young newspaperman Dave Perkins, and Hales' husband Bill Williams plays the barman Dutch. Character actor and dialect coach Robert Easton, who wrote the dopey script with producer Richard L. Huff, co-stars as thick headed farmer Dan Kester. Alan Hale Jr. portrays our obligatory lawman character, and he offers the most blatantly comedic performance out of anyone here, jovially hamming it up at every turn. "The Skipper" references his most famous role and even breaks the fourth wall. Diane Lee Hart ("Cannonball"), Leslie Parrish ("Crash!"), and Christiane Schmidtmer ("The Big Doll House") also appear.

This one is a good deal of fun, and it's not surprising to read that Stephen King is a fan.

Five out of 10.

A black hole hits northern Wisconsin and opens a door to other dimensions. Giant 15-meter spiders emerge from it, who have an appetite for human flesh! Dr. Jenny Langer and Dr. Vance from "the NASA" try to save the world.

First, I must confess it was a huge oversight on my part not to have seen this film sooner. As a fan of "bad movies" and a Wisconsin resident, I should have watched this many years ago. But, I just never did. Sorry, Bill Rebane, you cantankerous old coot.

That being said, this is not a bad film. I mean, you know, it is far from a good film. But the acting is actually quite good, and it is immensely entertaining, which counts for a lot. Is the lighting atrocious? Yes. Are the giant spiders a bit cheesy? Certainly. And there are sound issues. But at its heart, this is a fun creature feature and one I could enjoy on repeat viewings, which is more than I can say for most turkeys.

A very low-budget horror movie (it was shot in six weeks with a budget of $300,000), about a horde of radioactive mutant spiders with a craving for human flesh emerging from the depths of the earth to invade a rural Wisconsin town after a black hole opens up another dimension. Featuring awful special effects, just the one giant spider (which was constructed by covering a Volkswagen automobile with artificial black fur, with the fake legs operated from the inside by seven members of the crew), and a cast made up of a lot of "has-beens," and B movie veterans, it's tacky as hell but a lot of laughs as the spiders go on the rampage at the towns summer fair. The film received a considerable theatrical run and became one of the 50 top-grossing films of that year, even featuring in an episode of Mystery Science Theater 3000. Listed as one of 'The 100 Most Enjoyably Bad Movies Ever Made' by Golden Raspberry Award founder John Wilson in the book The Official Razzie Movie Guide.

You've got to hand it to a guy like Bill Rebane. I mean, you can laugh at his movies all you want (or be incredibly bored by them), but the man made a living as a filmmaker with virtually no money or talent in filmmaking. The guy was a brilliant salesman. This horrible movie was a huge box office hit, it was among the fifty most successful movies of 1975. Impressive for a director with no major studio backing who shot all his features in Wisconsin rather than Hollywood.

The movie itself is nearly unwatchable, but it's a great time document of how easy it used to be to find a cinema release for your movies. This is not worse than whatever you used to find at the bottom shelf at a video store, but paying good money to see this on a big screen? That's a whole different animal. Particularly because you have to wait a really long time to actually see the huge spider (which is clearly a Volkswagen with legs) the trailer promised you. Up until then you see a bunch of people that you never want to see again talk and talk and talk. By the time that thing actually shows up, you're already too numb from the tedium to even laugh at it.

Bill Rebane's movies can best be enjoyed when you know all the background to them. Rebane has a charming mom&pop style of filmmaking, mom (Barbara Rebane) is even credited as the assistant director. One of his daughters 'plays' one of the huge spider's legs. He sure writes great parts for women. It's made by a cast and crew that genuinely seems to be trying to their best, it's one of those movies that seemed way more thrilling to make than it is to watch. But you can't blame Rebane, he certainly did the best he could. He made a giant spider movie with 250.000 dollars, spent a lot of time with family and friends, actually sold the thing to theatres and somehow people still talk about it more than forty years later. That alone should earn him a place in film history.