Criminally Insane

CRIMINALLY INSANE (aka: CRAZY FAT ETHEL) stars the inimitable Priscilla Alden as Ethel Janowski, a rather rotund woman who is released from a mental hospital. Ethel is advised to drop a few pounds, which results in her consuming mass quantities of food, like whole packages of bacon and a loaf of bread with her dozen eggs for breakfast.

Ethel's nagging grandmother attempts to get her to "watch her figure". Ethel ponders this, while eating boxes of vanilla wafers. When granny locks up the food, Ethel takes offense, and takes out her frustration on granny with a big knife.

So begins Ethel's spiral into the abyss of hunger-driven, homicidal frenzy. As the bodies pile up, Ethel's madness explodes exponentially, while she eats and eats and eats.

The cheap, non-produced, barely-directed appearance of the film adds to its effectiveness. Ms. Alden plays her role with utter seriousness and conviction, making Ethel seem like more than the stereotypical lunatic. Even when she's polishing off a stack of sweet rolls or devouring an entire gallon of chocolate ice cream!

EXTRA POINTS FOR: The character named John (Robert Copple), one of the most heinous jerks in schlock movie history! Bravo!

P.S.- Watch for George "Buck" Flower as the halfhearted police detective...

Let me open up by setting the mood for this one. When "Criminally Insane" was first released in the theaters there was a large, industrial sized scale placed in the lobby of selected theaters where it was shown and any woman weighing over 250lbs was admitted to the film for free! This should help set the mood for this poorly filmed, inept but highly entertaining horror-cheapie. The saving grace of this film is the hysterical Priscilla Alden (the 250lbs actress who plays the role of Ethel Janowski). She plays the lead character so dead pan that you cannot help but be entertained by her as she fries a pound of bacon at a time, cooks a dozen eggs, or toasts an entire loaf of bread! Food is actually a character in this film and it is Ethel's worst enemy. She kills 6 people in between stuffing her face with a half-gallon of ice cream, an entire box of vanilla wafers, or a dozen sweet rolls and when she runs out of ideas about how to conceal the bodies...she eats them! Meanwhile she is also the rudest woman you will ever come across, concerned only with her next meal as she spouts anti-semitic statements about her doctor and calls the grocery boy (whom she had just murdered) a "smart-alec kid". So grab yourself a gallon of ice cream and enjoy this 70's horror gem!

CRIMINALLY INSANE is a real treat for cult horror fans. Don't get me wrong, it is no classic and plays like a low rent H.G. Lewis film (yes, you read that right) but there is just something inherently appealing about this film.

The story is incredibly simple (Ethel kills nearly everyone she encounters) with few surprises (the end is a shocker though) but the film is infused with some great moments of black humor. The star of the film is, of course, Priscilla Alden as the criminally insane Ethel. I will stand my ground when I say the film's success rests firmly on her shoulders. Scenes of her repeatedly stabbing her grandmother while yelling, "I want that key! I want that key!" or her taking out a grocery store delivery boy are played perfectly. Despite Millard's claim that the got professional actors from Los Angeles, this is strictly amateur hour (sharp eyed viewers will catch a clean shaved George "Buck" Flower in there though). Strangely, all of this works to the film's benefit, creating some incredibly surreal moments.

The film is filled with plenty of these "what the hell" moments. For instance, Ethel's sister Rosalie and her abusive boyfriend John move in. During a bedroom romp, John explains to Rosalie that he beats her because "baby, sometime you need to be beaten." How does she react to this misogynist viewpoint? Why by embracing him and giving him a kiss! The film is incredibly cheap and Millard makes no bones about it. In fact, he is oddly proud of what appears on screen for his $30,000 ("the biggest budget I have ever had," he claims). Watching this type of "do it yourself" cinema reminds me of the aforementioned H.G. Lewis, the cult films from Something Weird or Frank Henenlotter's debut BASKET CASE. It may not be pretty but it is definitely entertaining.

This movie is funny for all the wrong reasons - the horrible acting, the lamentable special effects, the bizarre music, and the $.57 budget. However, if you're in the mood for something a little, uh, offbeat and darkly comic, watch this. I have honestly never seen anything funnier than "Criminally Insane" and I would recommend it for anybody who likes the weird, cheap, and hysterical.

Criminally Insane is a surprisingly entertaining film, especially for one that's only 60 minutes long and shot entirely in someone's grandma's house. I originally thought it looked like a home movie, until I saw the director's follow-up film "DEATH NURSE," at which point my opinion of the first film changed entirely. I was then impressed with the luster and sparkle of CRIMINALLY INSANE. The characters are really interesting, especially Ethel's hooker sister and her abusive pimp boyfriend who dreams of being in the movies. Most interesting, of course, is Ethel herself. Priscilla Alden, displaying something almost remotely resembling true moviestar charisma. She is a hoot to watch as she hacks her grandma to death out of frustration at finding the refridgerator empty. At only 60 minutes the plot moves along swiftly, with odd subplots rearing their head, including Ethel's incompetant attempts to dispose of the bodies. Very, very, very interesting. Very overlooked. Anyone who doesn't like this movie is a jerk.