Aeroporto 79: O Concorde

Have you ever watched unintentional comedy? Well, this is it. There are so many absurdities, I couldn't keep track. The best scenes are when Robert Wagner decides to shoot down the plane with missiles and pass it off as a mechanical failure, Charo tries to smuggle a Chichiauah on the plane and, when it's discovered, claims it's her seeing eye dog, John Davidson's hair stays in place when the plane flies upside down, when a missile gets close to the plane, pilot George Kennedy rolls down the pilot's seat window (at the speed of sound) to shoot at it, Jimmy Walker smokes weed in the bathroom stall, and when stewardess Sylvia Crystal says seductively "You pilots are such men!", Kennedy replies, "They don't call it a cock-pit for nothing!" What floors me is that after the first disaster, the plane takes off for another flight and the passengers get back on! If I were a passenger, no way would I board that plane! All this is backed up by special effects that wouldn't pass for an episode of "Bewitched." If you can find this movie in the 99 cent section, I recommend it. I laughed more than I had laughed in weeks. It's great entertainment in the worst way possible.

In the beginning, there was "Airport", an A-list, ultra-slick adaptation of a best-selling book, nominated for multiple Oscars (including Best Picture!) Then came "Airport 1975" with too much humor (intentional and unintentional) and Karen Black flying a damaged 747. "Airport '77" had a private plane sinking beneath the ocean while rich passengers dropped like flies. In an inane attempt to continue the exploitation of the original film (and cash in on the notoriety of the then-new Concorde, the fastest commercial plane ever), this film came along and ended the series for good. A year later, "Airplane!" would slam the coffin lid and seal it with it's hysterical sending up of the many clichés of the air-disaster genre. Here, Wagner is a high-powered industrialist who's been selling arms to enemies of the U.S. When his reporter mistress Blakely is informed of this, he tries kill her. After she boards the Concorde en route to Moscow, he (ludicrously) decides to pull out every stop in the book to demolish the aircraft, even though it is full of Olympians, TV journalists, music legends, human organs and little old ladies who can't stay out of the bathroom! The entire film is both stagnant and simultaneously uproarious at the same time. The director, writer, editor and the actors can't seem to get ANYTHING right! (See Blakely's ridiculously unconvincing newscast in which she never once looks into the camera and in which clips from events AS THEY ARE HAPPENING IN REAL TIME parade across the screen.) It also contains some of the most abominable blue-screen and model special effects ever to be seen in a major studio film. The cast of the film is huge and full of names, though most of them are given, literally, nothing to do but embarrass themselves. Wagner looks very tired and hardly bothers to vary his facial expressions. Blakely works hard but is defeated by the stupidity of the character and the script. Kennedy (the one actor who was in all four films) is promoted to Captain this time, but is reduced to cracking crude sexual jokes and (in the film's most celebratedly lunatic scene) cracking open the cockpit window and shooting off a flare! Haggard, former screen-god Delon as another pilot tries to beat preposterous dialogue like, "Your hair is my french fries" in his affair with sex kitten stewardess Kristel (whose calf-length uniform has a split up to her thigh!) Other oddities include McCambridge spouting a dreadful Russian accent and flouncing around in curtain-like tops as a gymnastics coach, Walker as a pot-smoking sax player, Lewis as a jazz legend (!) who feels she may be losing it, Schreiber as a Russian coach with a deaf daughter (at least she can't hear Lewis singing!) and Raye as a grandma with a bladder control problem (first dentures and now this?! What? Did June Allyson turn the part down?) Special mention must be given to the side-splitting appearance of Tyson as a mother escorting (!) a frozen heart to her dying son. (Since when do parents go off and collect organs while their kid is expiring somewhere else??) In an apparent attempt to disappear from this rancid film, she hides her face under every imaginable object. Already buried under Victoria Principal's fright wig from "Earthquake", she uses hankies, a clutch purse, blankets, ANYTHING to obscure her face from being seen, eventually turning away from the camera entirely! The endless cast list also contains Albert as the airline owner and Danning as his trophy wife, Davidson as a reporter, Charo as a pushy passenger attempting to stowaway a Chihuahua and Marcovicci who gets another special mention. Unbelievably, she plays a 24 year-old gymnast (!) going for her third gold medal, which is crazy enough except that she was 31 in real life! Just one more nutty aspect of this thoroughly retarded film. Perhaps the most bizarre of all is the fact that the plane goes through several traumas, spinning violently and nearly crashing, yet after a layover in Paris, virtually every single passenger GETS BACK ON! As if things weren't bad enough, the Olympics that were pushed so heavily in this movie wound up being boycotted that year by the U.S., so the whole film was outdated before it was even released anyway! Good for a few laughs, but worthless as drama.

I remember walking out of an Australian movie theatre in 1980 and saying to my brother..."That was a disaster movie but what was the disaster?". Granted, I was a child at the time.

This Airport movie is different to the other three, no big sea dive or big collision, Airport '79 just seemed to be all over the place! However, the film has improved with age and two recent viewings have been very much enjoyed. It has a touch of The Towering Inferno (1974) with Robert Wagner still being up to no good, the miniature effects work of the Concorde itself is pleasing to my eyes and the film starts with a very uplifting Lalo Schifrin theme tune.

Perhaps Schifrin was trying to be the new disaster movie composer as in 1980 he would score Irwin Allen's When Time Ran Out as well.

There was to be a 5th Airport movie but the poor box office takings for Airport '79 put an end to all that. Too bad as all four Airport films are a special part of the 1970s and still survive repeat viewings to this day.

Fourth and final entry in the series that began in 1970. That first film helped kickstart the all-star big budget disaster trend in 70's cinema, and this final outing helps just as much at putting the final nails in the genre's coffin. Of course "Airplane" the following year would make fun of the entire previous decade's worth of disaster films.

Alain Delon gets top billing as the captain of the title craft. With Susan Blakely and John Davidson as reporters, Robert Wagner as a crooked arms dealer, Sylvia Kristel as the head stewardess, Eddie Albert as the airline owner, Sybil Danning as his trophy wife, Avery Schreiber as a Soviet Olympic coach with a deaf daughter, Andrea Marcovicci as the oldest Russian Olympic gymnast ever, Mercedes McCambridge as her busybody chaperone, Cicely Tyson as a mother to a child desperately in need of a heart transplant, Nicolas Coaster as the doctor to perform it, David Warner as the dieting flight engineer, Bibi Andersson as a prostitute, Jimmie Walker as a pot-smoking sax player, Charo as Margarita and Martha Raye as the woman who can't stay out of the bathroom (no, really).

George Kennedy costars as Patroni, the only character to appear in all four films. This time he has a larger part as co-pilot of the title passenger jet, on route from the US to Paris, as Wagner's evil arms dealer hatches numerous inept plans to bring down the craft and destroy incriminating evidence. The dialogue is trite and banal as usual, and the various relationships and mini-dramas amongst the bloated cast never rise above the mundane.

Keep your eyes open for an early appearance by Ed Begley Jr as Rescuer #1. Like many films of the era, the studio also cut together an extended version for TV broadcasts that added even more subplots and characters, played by the likes of Jose Ferrer, J.D. Cannon and Alan Fudge, but the version I watched was the original.

CONCORDE: AIRPORT '79, THE (1979) **½ Alain Delon, Susan Blakely, Robert Wagner, Sylvia Kristel, George Kennedy. This fourth and final entry in the Airport series is arguably the weakest of the bunch, but it doesn't deserve the critical thrashing it's received over the years. True, the script is rife with hokey, often saccharine dialog (in one nauseating scene, a television reporter (John Davidson) and his Russian gymnast girlfriend recite wedding vows to each other when they think the plane is going down), and leaves far too many unresolved subplots (thanks mostly to the use of a huge ensemble cast of Hollywood has-beens, a series trademark). But Airport fans won't care, because the action is what matters and on that score, at least, The Concorde delivers. Even with its dated special effects, the movie still packs a wallop, delivering plenty of nail-biting suspense and a spectacular ending. Worth seeing.