Agenten kennen keine Tränen

Hi, Everyone,

Fabio Testi as Renzo is a handsome secret agent, more or less. His buddy, Dan, played by Assi Dayan is maybe cuter and cleverer. Helga is the girl who Fabio woos with a stolen salt shaker. She is played by Janet Agren who shows us her upper body endowment in some scenes.

Good scenes of the streets and canals of Venice or some other city with streets and canals. The boat chase is much like what we saw in Gator and Swamp Girl. The car chase scenes are done nicely but nowhere nearly as good as Bullitt or The French Connection. The foot chase scenes on rooftops and city streets are well done. The music throughout sucks.

Assi Dayan is the son of the famous Israeli General Moshe Dayan. Both Assi Dayan and Fabio Testi are still active in film-making. They both have likable personalities and nice faces with interesting accents. Think of Daffy and Donald Duck with better eyelashes.

The story is far more applicable to today's world than it was to the 1970s world of moviegoers. It has a plot that incorporates terrorists seeking nuclear weapons.

The bad guys look very bad. If you have ever found yourself annoyed with an organ grinder's music, there is one scene in this film you will enjoy.

An old cargo ship becomes a nice setting for target practice late in the movie. The bullets hit everything except the good guys.

With the two lead guys being so good looking at that time, the director was somehow not able to insert a scene that had any real sex appeal. Even when Fabio is in bed with a girl it does not become intimate or interesting. The director should have stuck to the acting and plot development and left the nudity and sex scenes for better directors. Blake Edwards could have found much better music. J. Daniel Cadinot could have done the buildup to the nude scenes.

Not a bad movie, especially in today's world.

Tom Willett

Hunky secret agent man Fabio Testi (as Renzo) beds women, hunts uranium, and pals around Venice with handsome hetero partner Assaf Dayan (as Dan). Sexy Janet Agren (as Helga) provides the two with a amorous assignment, which Testi accepts. After bedding down with the quickly undressed damsel, Testi thinks she can offer no leads, but Mr. Dayan suspects otherwise. The best part of "The Uranium Conspiracy" is the lovely location scenery. The film's excitement grows much more exciting in its final act, with the dynamic duo of Testi and Dayan making an action-packed escape from some bad dudes. If that don't float your boat, order pizza, turn on the television, and watch something else.

**** Agenten kennen keine Tränen (8/10/78) Menahem Golan ~ Fabio Testi, Assi Dayan, Janet Agren

Enough with the plane hopping, film! The first half of this film will give you a headache due to the amount of locations involved. As far as I can figure out, Fabio Testi is an Italian freelance agent hired by Mossad to keep an eye on Uranium being shipped out of Ziare. Now back in Venice, Fabio gets his pay before himself and Mossad agent Dan head off to either Amsterdam or Antwerp to find out why a seemingly innocent business needs loads of Uranium. Milan, possibly Germany and Gibraltar also feature at certain points.

Fabio isn't daft though - he's got it written into his contract that if a lady person is involved in whatever mission they're on, he gets first dibs on seducing her! Therefore he ends up in bed with Janet Agren, an innocent secretary working for a shadowy company. Fabio says she's the first woman he's ever felt something for, so bad luck to that other lady he bedded just ten minutes earlier in the film. The bad company get wind that someone is on their case, and they keep a close eye on Janet, which leads to a rooftop chase, which leads to an even better speedboat/foot chase that results in the death of one of those organ grinder fellows.

With the exception of Dan, Mossad aren't entirely happy with Fabio so when Fabio gets kidnapped and sent onto the ship containing all that uranium, they're not too fussed about blowing him up along with the ship. Can Dan rescue Fabio in the nick of time?

This film could have done with a bit of trimming as it takes about half an hour to get to any real action. It's about ten minutes too long to be honest, but there was enough action to keep me entertained and things do pick up when the plot moves to the boat. You can't go wrong with a bit of Fabio Testi, with his character being kept in the dark for most of the film and only motivated by his concerns for Janet Agren. As with most of the late seventies action films, the presence of funk on the soundtrack is most welcome.

I'm not sure why both Gianfranco Baldanello and Menahem Golan are credited as directors. I guess no one cares enough to find out.

This is another movie that was just put up on YouTube that I decided to watch. This film, whose English title is The Uranium Conspiracy, is the first time I've watched a Yoram Globus-Menahem Golan production directed by Golan in its entirety. As a spy thriller involving nuclear weapons, this was quite an exciting flick especially during the boat and car chase scenes. Filmed in many European locations and some sea locales, there were many intrigues that got me hooked throughout the picture. Fabio Testi is the Italian agent Renzo who does assignments for Israeli Dan (Assi or Assaf Dayan) for a price. Despite that, they're actually friends. Helga (Janet Agren) is the Swedish woman who works for a German company that makes nuclear weapons. She falls for Renzo. That's all I'll say except this is one exciting movie that I'm glad I watched on YouTube!

Unjustly neglected, 'The Uranium Conspiracy' is a surprisingly effective, entertainingly brawny, teeth-rattlingly Testi, transglobal thriller from the gifted exploitation filmmaker, Menahem Golan. This compelling B-picture remains a terrific, testosterone-fuelled action-fest, robustly fortified by yet another muscular performance from the dangerously lithe, strikingly sinewy Giallo icon, Fabio Testi, who excels at cutting a swarthy-svelte dash, whilst stylishly slapping the holy funk 'outta any poor skell with a savagely balletic grace! AS the hellaciously hunky hero, Renzo, the fabulously fleet-fisted Fabio Testi gets to righteously dude-slap the mouldering Christ out of all manner of preternaturally sweaty, nefariously Uranium-heisting creeps as the winningly pulpy script thunders breathlessly to its exhilarating climax! A rollicking, old school espionage yarn that not only boisterously proves Golan was a competent action director, but also rigidly cements, Fabio Testi's lofty position as one of the more charismatic, rough an' tumble leading men of the 70s; and I genuinely feel a comprehensive retrospective of his uniquely dashing Alpha Dude' heroics is LONG overdue! 'The Uranium Conspiracy' comes highly recommended, and would be a perfectly bellicose companion piece to some J&B, and another no less lemon zesty Testi actioner of the period!